ihatewheat

Archive for December, 2005

amazing

In Nirvana, people, pop culture goodness on December 29, 2005 at 6:06 pm

Finally, my prayers have been answered. Let’s call it a Christmas miracle. John has a blog!

Ok, this is creepy:

A new Nirvana documentary is in the making – one which will be narrated by Kurt Cobain himself. Film makers were in the singer’s home town of Aberdeen, Washington recently to start work on a documentary about Cobain.

However in a unique twist the singer himself will narrate the film, with producers using more than 25 hours of interview tapes recorded by journalist Michael Azerrad between December 1992 and March 1993.

Azerrad is most famous for his Nirvana biography ‘Come As You Are’, which is regarded as one of the most authoratitive books on the band.

“The film is based on a series of interviews that Michael Azerrad conducted with Kurt while researching the book. There are more than 25 hours of these audio interviews in all, none of which have been heard before by anyone,” director AJ Schnack told NME.COM.

“I worked with Michael to cull an approximately 95-minute audio track from these interviews. While I’m not sure that ‘narrated’ is exactly the right word, you will be listening in on conversations between Kurt and Michael, with Kurt telling his life story for that book. There are no additional interviews with other figures from Kurt’s life, just Kurt speaking, with an occasional question or comment from Michael.”

The other members of Nirvana are not involved with the currently untitled film, which is set to be screened at various film festivals next autumn.

Schnack added: “It pretty much covers his whole life leading-up to the interviews with the emphasis being more on him and his general take on things rather than on general band developments. We’re not using any archival footage at all. The music will focus on bands that influenced Kurt during the various stages of his life. It’s unclear what part, if any, Nirvana music may play in the finished film.”

And, as always, the New York Times is about 10 years behind on all things cool: The Net is a Boon For Indie labels.

More on the amazing ladies of the next season of The Bachelor. Wow, 10 points if you can tell them all apart. I’ll bet you ten bucks that the women of color do not make it past the second round.

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Going to Federal Prison? Need some advice? Get a consultant.

More on my new boyfirend, Andy Samberg.

The RIAA is stoooopid.

Comet liquors in Adams Mo closes. Lots of memories there- I think? Is that where we got our wine before band practice?

Some media predictions for 2006.

There is a reworked version of the tralier for V is For Vendetta. Natalie, shut up. Why would you make a movie in which Clive Owen hides his face most of the time?

Today’s highlights: today I went with my mother to a hige fleamarket. You would not believe the amount of booths that sold clip on hair and scrunchies. I suddenly realized I was in dire need of one of those beaded strings that you put on the end of your glasses to you don’t lose them. I’ve been in Florida too long. Then for dinner we had chickn broth with rice, because earlier we were “bad” and had frozen yogurt. Help!

The least essential albums, according to the Onion.

new Douglas Coupland book

In read on December 29, 2005 at 8:56 am

How sweet does the new Douglas Coupland book, JPod, look. It comes out in May 2006.

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Ethan Jarlewski and five co-workers are bureaucratically marooned in JPod, a no-escape architectural limbo on the fringes of a massive Vancouver video game design company. The six JPodders wage daily battle against the demands of a boneheaded marketing staff, who daily torture employees with idiotic changes to already idiotic games. Meanwhile, Ethan’s personal life is shaped (or twisted) by phenomena as disparate as Hollywood, marijuana grow-ops, people-smuggling, ballroom dancing, and the rise of China. JPod’s universe is amoral and shameless – and dizzyingly fast-paced. The characters are products of their era even as they’re creating it. Everybody in Ethan’s life inhabits a moral grey zone. Nobody is exempt, not even his seemingly straitlaced parents or Coupland himself. Full of word games, visual jokes, and sideways jabs, this book throws a sharp, pointed lawn dart into the heart of contemporary life.

let me lead you

In links on December 28, 2005 at 10:10 pm

So a couple of you had mentioned to me in the past week that you will be setting up a blog, or were thinking of it, so I thought I'd share some things that were helpful for me. Obvs, I'm no programmer or hacker or whatever you kids call it these days, but I'll try my best.

Obviously, I am partial to blogger. It's free, you can create multiple blogs, and it is easy to manipulate the html code to make it look however you want. If you know html code that is. If you are completely clueless, it is still easy to use and will set everything up for you, including a title and description and stuff. Xanga is good, and Typepad is good too, but I think you have to pay. If you use a myspace blog or livejournal, we will no longer be friends.

As far as pictures go, I know blogger allows you to upload stuff, but I prefer to use free image hosting services. THe one I use, imagshack, always resizes the picture to fit, and if you click on it, it will come up in another window in another size. Similar to this is tinypic and supload. You can either upload a picture from your computer or put in the url of a picture and it will transfer it.

I love to use blogrolling for all my links on the right side of the blog. THis is good if you have a lot of links you want to put up. It will give you one piece of code to put on your blog, and then you can manage the actual links from your account on the site. I actually use this because these are all sites I visit regularly and I can just come to my own blog instead of putting it in my favorites.

I use Sitemeter to track how how many people and who visits my site. THere are more detailed ones out there, but Sitemeter is free and easy to manage. Again, it generates a small piece of code to put on your blog and you can manage stuff from your account.

To upload music, that gets a little more complicated. I take the album and compress it using WinRar or Winzip, and then use a filehosting service. All of these have their pros and cons, but I won't get into that now. Mostly I use yousendit, Easy Share, Turbo Upload, Quick Dump.

Here are my DOs and DONTs of blogging.

1. Please update regularly. THe point of a blog to to update it frequently. Or else you can have a fucking Geocities site. If you think what you will post is uninteresting. You are wrong. Blogs were created on the very notion that people need to share the mundane aspects of their life to validate themselves. What, you think your life is so important and busy you don't have time to post? Please.

2. For pete's sake, don't start a pop culture blog. This is overdone and unecessary. Of course, mention pop culture stuff that is of interest to you, but no need to blog about Nick and Jessica or shit like that.

3. When linking to somewhere, please make sure it pops up in another browser. This is just etiquette. If it just goes to that site, I will forget about your site and probably find it a pain to keep hitting the back button. You can do this by inserting target="_blank" into the code. Just before the > in url.

4. Don't get fired from your job because of a blog you have. That is plain stupid. Try to keep your blog anonymous by not explicitly mentioning your name so when someone googles you, they won't find your blog.

I feel like these are the Fight Club rules of blogging. I hoped this helped, at least a lil bit.

how many points are in annoying

In read on December 28, 2005 at 10:07 pm

I juust recently read I'm Not the New Me by Wendy McClure. She is a contributing writer to one of my favorite sites, Television Without Pity. A while a go, she started a weight loss website called Pound. I guess it was pretty popular and inspired a lot of other women. Now it has become more of a self-promotion and self-absorbed blog. (unlike this self-absorbed blog)She is obviously a funny person and a talented writer, but this memoir could have been so much better.

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To get sucked into that whole weight loss community is like a cult. She takes her whole fame and progress in stride, like she writes about it and is known for it, but shrugs it off as dumb for people who compliment her about it. That's annoying. Clearly she maintains a website about it and wrote a book about it, so own it. Jeez. Although she does follow the weight watchers plan, and there is nothing wrong with that. Except when people become obsessed with it, constantly going on the message boards and constantly talking about point values and shit. Which she does.

Also, if you want to see the saddest/funniest thing, go to a WW meeting in central Connecticut. People think asking things like "Does an Appletini count as a fruit?" and then laughing hysterically makes them fucking hilarious.

Speaking of fucked up eating issues, today my parents decided that we wouldn't have dinner. Because we ate out for lunch. Yes, that's the reason. Eating out for a meal means "being bad". I had a fucking salad. Man, I don't need to pay a therapist to dtermine the source of my issues.

i want a beachside condo

In nothing special on December 28, 2005 at 9:36 pm

Deerfield Beach, Florida

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I really, really need to move out of New England. I can't seem to grasp the concept of not living either in a major city or in the suburbs. I am not a beach person, but today I was salivating over all the condos along and near the coastline. I know this sounds like stating the obvious, but I have never lived in a place where it is warm all year. The concept that one can completely avoid snow, sub-zero temperatures, seasonal depression, avoiding icy roads, getting dark at 4:30, freezing your ears and dry air from heating systems is so fucking amazing I can't even deal. I think it just hit me today. I gotta move. (Not necessarily Florida. That would be redic).

Plus, I have seen very few Christmas decorations here. Either it is the abundance of Jews, or the fact that Xmas stuff looks dumb without snow.

tunes

In music on December 28, 2005 at 9:12 pm

Here is the Arctic Monkeys album, Whatever People Say What I Am, That is Wat I'm Not. This is the new "it" band. They are this year's Franz Ferdinand, and this month's Clap Your Hands Say Yea. I find them to be mediocre. Anyway, enjoy.

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skittles

In animals, film, links, tv on December 28, 2005 at 9:41 am

So, I woke up this morning to a Comedy Central promo for a movie or something called Grandma’s Boy. Anyway, I realized that Nick Swardson is hosting some Comedy Central thing. For those of you not in the know, he plays Terry, the rolling skating hustler in Reno 911. Seriously, they could make a spin-off show about Terry and his (mis)adventures at Tacos!Tacos!Tacos!Tacos! anytime, and I would die a happy person.

I’m still in Florida, obvs, and survived a day at the mall with my Grandmother. Today I am off to Ft. Lauderdale with my parents. We are trying out for MTV’s spring break, I guess.

In the meantime, check out Kitten War! – may the cutest kitten win.

113570320059357955

In people on December 27, 2005 at 12:05 pm

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Grundel Blumpkin (12:05:10 PM): it's me at the end of the brooklyn bridge getting my releif hot choc from the red cross…I asked if they had non-fat soy milk, they said no, and then I complained that the Katrina victims had non-fat soy milk.

the sunshine state

In pop culture goodness on December 27, 2005 at 11:45 am

thegetaway1448 (11:38:23 AM): ps i just got the Sims game, and i am going to base one off of you
thegetaway1448 (11:38:29 AM): do you want magical powers?
Grundel Blumpkin (11:40:33 AM): yes…magical powers that involve either eating nachos or creating nachos
thegetaway1448 (11:40:40 AM): ok
Grundel Blumpkin (11:40:44 AM): nacho related magical powers

So, still in Florda, obvs, things are going well. I still haven't gotten my package with all my clothes, so I've been dressing like Mary Kate Olsen everyday (big heavy sweater, hippy skirt, big beads) because it is the only outfit I own. I have been listening to podcasts like crazy, and some of you just got ipods as gifts, so here are some good ones that I reccomend.

Keith and the Girl- general talk from this stand-up comic from NY with his girlfriend who is a singer/member of a reggae band

Bands Under the Radar- pretty self explanatory. The website has all the songlists and stuff.

Ricky Gervais podcast- I just love this man and everything he creates.

NPR: pop culture- there is an influx of people who blog/podcast about pop culture, but this one actually looks at it critically and soci0logically

Diggnation some technology stuff

Morning Sedition some crazy liberal stuff from Air America

role model??!!??!!?

In pop culture goodness on December 26, 2005 at 11:38 am

Sienna most inspirational to girls
The Press Association Monday December 26, 12:06 AM

Sienna most inspirational to girls
Sienna Miller has been voted the most inspirational celebrity of 2005 in a survey of teenage girls.

The actress earned the accolade after a year which saw her cope with betrayal by boyfriend Jude Law, who was caught cheating with his children's nanny.

She hid her heartbreak to continue with her stage role in West End play As You Like It.

And the 23-year-old Alfie star got her own back on Law by flirting with her ex Orlando Bloom and reportedly having a fling with 007 actor Daniel Craig.

The survey was carried out by Britain's biggest-selling teen magazine Sugar.

One reader said: "Sienna handled the Jude thing so well and she kept appearing on stage while her private life was all over the papers."

Sugar editor Annabel Brog said: "Sienna has had some terrible lows this year, but she's handled them with style, dignity and strength and our readers respect that.

"Hopefully this award means she'll be finishing the year on a high."

Singer Gwen Stefani was second, followed by Kerry Katona.

Fourth was Kylie Minogue, who is currently battling breast cancer.

What????A role model for that? COming before someone with breast cancer? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I hate America.

like mcadams loves gosling

In pop culture goodness, tv on December 26, 2005 at 3:44 am

See, I am not the only one obsessed with the Chronicles of Narnia rap. Now there are even t-shirts.

If you haven't seen Saturday Night Live's Chronicles of Narnia rap, then you don't have any friends. Or at least any friends with Internet access. The two-minute video, which debuted on SNL last Saturday before resurfacing as a much-forwarded "digital short," has accomplished what seemed impossible a week ago—making Saturday Night Live a cultural touchstone for the first time since Christopher Walken pleaded for "more cowbell." The popularity of the Narnia rap might augur a reawakening at SNL—in fact, there are already T-shirts that parrot the song's catchphrases. It's more significant, though, for what it says about the state of rap.

The video, officially titled "Lazy Sunday," depicts a day in the life of a pair of dorky New Yorkers. Andy Samberg (aka Samberg) calls up Chris Parnell (aka Parns) "just to see how he's doin'." Soon enough, they "mack on some cupcakes" from the West Village's Magnolia Bakery and debate which online map service will reveal the "dopest route" to an Upper West Side screening of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Then the chorus kicks in: "We love that Chronic—what?—cles of Narnia / Pass that Chronic—what?—cles of Narnia."

Some of the humor here derives from the fact that these whitebread guys—Samberg is wearing a John Muir T-shirt; Parnell looks like a 12-year-old accountant—are moonlighting in what's traditionally been a black medium. Sure, white rappers aren't a novelty anymore. But guys this white, rhyming about getting "taken to a dreamworld of magic"? It's the nerdy, white-boy version of Ice Cube's "It Was a Good Day."

This racial switcheroo is the schtick behind Parnell's "Weekend Update" rap routines, in which he pines for hotties like Kirsten Dunst and Britney Spears while bragging about gangsta gunplay. But these earlier bits are funny only because of the racial juxtaposition therein. (Sample lyric: "Yo it's a west-side hit, I got my Mack-10 lit / Britney get down, you don't wanna see this ****.") The Narnia rap doesn't use the MCs' extraordinary whiteness as a comedy crutch. Rather than invite easy laughs by reciting a tired checklist of ghetto stereotypes, Samberg and Parnell ditch the bling and Cristal to riff enthusiastically about the stuff they like—Magnolia Bakery's "bomb frostings." Instead of clichéd images of cars and yachts, there's a pop-up graphic of the phrase "Double True" in the iconic Google font. The most conspicuous consumption is that of Mr. Pibb. (The one rap convention that does get mocked, to no great effect, is gunplay. When they answer a movie trivia question "so fast it was scary," there's machine gun fire in the background.)

Rather than lampoon today's artists, Samberg and Parnell evoke old-school rap. The whole presentation—the lyrics, the flow, and the aesthetic—owes more to New York rappers from the '80s than to anything that's getting made today. The way they trade rhymes and enunciate the end of each line—"You can call us Aaron Burr / From the way we're droppin' HAM-IL-TONS"—recalls the delivery of 1980s artists like Run-DMC. The production values, New York street scenes, and silly similes call to mind early Beastie Boys tracks. Really, is "I've got mad hits like I was Rod Carew" any less ridiculous than "I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling"?

Of course, part of what Samberg and Parnell are sending up is nerdy white nostalgia for the Beasties' heyday. Still, it's notable that these moments of goofiness and whimsy are what make "Lazy Sunday" work as a rap song, not just a comedy sketch. It's hard to think of a Top 40 hip-hop track that's similarly playful. Eminem's subgenre of silly songs ("The Real Slim Shady," "Ass Like That") all feel calculated—the references to MTV ensure that his videos get a ton of airplay on MTV. Sure, Ludacris co-starred in a video with Mini-Me. But for the most part, whimsy gets buried. The highlight of 50 Cent's oeuvre, for instance, is a sidelong lyric from "21 Questions": "I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

People aren't forwarding this video because it's a parody of what's bad about rap; they're sending it around because it's an ode to what can be great about it. Instead of auguring a new day for SNL, maybe it points up what's missing in mainstream rap—an awareness that it's OK to be goofy. Who needs Biz Markie and Tone-Loc? We've got Samberg and Parns.

Also, some drama with the wickedly awesome Green Day mashup. Green Day's label gets really pissy. To play devil's advicate, they're right. When you sign to a major label, that is one of the consequences.

One of my favorite bands, Mates of State, caused some drama by switching labels )from Polyvinyl to Barsuk) and are releasing Bring It Back sometime in March. I don't know the exact date because ha ha, I already have a copy. Will post it soon.

Holy shit, CUTE OVERLOAD!

Some samples:

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I know I'll be checking that for updates every day.

cowboy boots

In film on December 25, 2005 at 9:31 pm

Ok, these are the last few things I am going to post about Brokeback Mountain, because I should just shut the fuck up and see it. But these are worth reading.

Even gay men wear mismatched demim : a review

Black Tables' year end write up:

PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: I suppose you are the same people who laughed during Lost in Translation when the lounge singer came out of Bill Murray's shower singing "Midnight at the Oasis." You are they who didn't feel a pang of sympathy while that scene laid bare the totality of his alienation from self and family, the inevitable if quiet crash-landing at the end of his descent into self-degradation. You just thought that the red-headed lady with the corny song was funny, and deserving not only of a quiet chuckle, the restrained acknowledgment of tragicomedy, but of a hearty guffaw.

Now you think the sight of Michelle Williams having her heart abruptly torn out, her tenuous sense of hope utterly erased, her faith in love and family irreparably fractured is also HI-larious. When she opens the door, suspicious, lonely, confused, sidelined, but ultimately still hopeful, only to see her husband, who has become over four years an inescapable gravitational force of depression and self-pity, experiencing a single moment of joy, and only doing so in the act of betraying her, you think, "That is RICH!" And you laugh. A rolling wave of laughter that sounds like the live studio audience of Three's Company. What has come over you? Are you even human beings with human feelings? I understand anxiety, that people laugh at funerals, or when they are overwhelmed by the absurdity and unpredictability of life. But that comes later. That's catharsis time. Right now, you are not getting it, or not paying attention, or you are simply coarsened by the vapid entertainments with which we are inundated today. Maybe I'm a movie snob, but Chicken Little is two screens over, assholes.

flixxxx

In film on December 25, 2005 at 9:13 pm

So as the Old Testament dictates, it is tradition to go to the movies. Of course, I was the youngest one there by at least 40 years. Of course, they spoke with Japanese accents (why??? they don't have accents relative to each other) so none of the old people knew what was going on. The movie was suprisingly good, but of course not as amazing as the book. The plot seemed flimsy and stupid without the context of the book. And my feminist self kicked in, realizing that putting it in Western standars made it look worse- like her only way for happiness was getting her man (the Chairman). Also, when the time changed from when Chiyo was a little girl and faded into her older self, I couldn't help but think, omg! She turned Chinese! Sorry, people, Chinese and Japanese people do not look alike. I think all white people look alike more than all Asians look alike. And let's talk about how Ziyi Zhang was horrible miscast. She was too meek, had an annoying voice, and was not all that pretty. Sayuri is supposed to be fricking gorgeous. I actually think she should have switched roles with the woman who played Hatsumomo (also Chinese, go figure).

Then I skipped along to see King Kong and whoa, I was impressed. Peter Jackson sure knows how to make an action movie. It could have been another Godzilla, but the direction, artistic style, and choice to set in 1933 was awesome. It was good to see Jamie Bell, but what the hell happened to his character? He never made it back. And I thought they would tie up the storyline about where he came from (like he had already come from Skull Island). Jack Black, marry me. Naomi Watts, close your mouth. Oh and back up- why did the savage natives have to be very dark-skinned? And Anne was all upset about King Kong? How about the fact that the crew COMMITTED GENOCIDE of the population of the island? No one shed a tear over that.

some tidbits

In links, music, pop culture goodness on December 24, 2005 at 8:37 pm

So, here is some absolutely useless, irrelevant information I have been reading.

Free Williamsburg gives a good year end roundup. Here are the things I completely agree with.

Overrated Albums of the Year:

Antony & the Johnsons
I Am a Bird Now
[Secretly Canadian]
Five words: Tiny Tim was more talented.

The Hold Steady
Separation Sunday
[Frenchkiss]
Six Words: Frat Boy Rock for Indie Kids.

Wolf Parade
Apologies to the Queen Mary
[Sub Pop]
Seven Words: The Shelf Life of Unrefrigerated Vanilla Yogurt.

Worst Album of the Year:

Fiery Furnaces
Rehearsing My Choir
[Rough Trade]

Holy shit, experimental can be good. But this record sounds like it was mixed by someone who mastered in "Ironic Geek Noise Pop" at the Rhode Island School of Music Deconstruction. It's a prime example of an art school education gone wrong. A horrible, horrible, horrible record.

Holy shit, Andy Milonakis has a blog. Wtf happened to that show? DVD version? Helloooo???

Welcome back to Real Boy's Cozy Cabin Weblog. I've recently done tons of reflecting on my life and have come to the realization that my life is awesome. It's really hard being ranked number 1 in the new internet hit game Lord Of The Rings. Me and my friends play forever and forever and ever and forever. Don't tell on me but sometimes I play until 4am with my buddy boys and we drink redbull…SHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm the king of the game, my other friends Nick and Jay are n00bs and I can beat the heck out of them. Anyway enough about my fabulous life. I want to tell you about my birthday party, oh wait I'm still talking about my fabulous life, WOOOPSY, JKing. I'm going to have a computer themed bday party. So make sure to bring your motherboard costumes, you can take old computer motherboards and glue them onto jeans. Or if you are feeling crazy, use video and audio cards, you can get cheap ones at used computer part stores. Also we are going to judge people's costumes so make sure it's elite and rocks out. PEACE OUT PARTY PEOPLEEEEEE GET READY FOR AN IBM LAPTOP SHAPED CAKE. THE KEYS ARE MADE OUT OF SUGAR CUBES AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I SPOILED THE BEST SURPRISE EVER. ITS GONNA BE SO GOOD.

The Scared of Santa Gallery. Classic.

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Although it's already old news, some interesting pictures from the transit strike. In a sick, sick, selfish way, I wish I was around when it happened, just for the interesting factor. So sue me.

Yankee Pot Roast has some author paradies, a Christmas essay written in the style of Patrick Bateman, and Chuck Palahnuik mowing the lawn.

Why Jews love Christmas. Hmm.

Seriously, how many times do I need to tell you? If you haven't already, download and listen to Dean Gray's mashup of Green Day, American Edit.

Gawker does a survey of all the hipster party pic sites (i.e., Cobra Snake) and picks the best (i.e., worst).

123 reasons to love New York right now. Ok, this gets old; one of New Yorkers' favorite things to do is make lists like this to infer their superiority. However, I heartedly agree with some of them:

6. Because we only pretend to recycle.

14. Because you can live in the same place for 10 years and never have to see or meet your neighbors

30. Because we know Sex and the City is a crock of shit.

31. Because we know Friends is a crock of shit.

46. Because you can take a dump at the Apple Store.

57. Because everyone’s got a blog.

59. Because Bloomberg has that adorable bald spot.

60. Because it’s easy to stalk famous people.

63. Because Fresh Direct has every single product’s nutritional info on its website.

71. Because everybody knows the 1-800-Mattress song.

82. Because Dr. Zizmor is a celebrity.

105. Because even your intern has an intern.

115. Because used clothes cost more than new ones.

116. Because we’d rather be emaciated than healthy.

121. Because you can buy Vagisil at the bodega at 4 AM.

122. Because we keep Jersey at arm’s length.

Warped tour bands are starting to be announced, including Anti-Flag and Motion City Soundtrack. I really need to go this year, because I am officially twice the age of the average audience member.

Day Deuce

In rant on December 24, 2005 at 7:22 pm

So, I thought I was so smart and organized and sent a package ahead with my clothes and books so I wouldn’t have to pack it. Well, it still didn’t arrive today, and mail won’t be delivered until this Tuesday. I only have the clothes I was wearing on the plane. Which includes my yoga pants that I usually work for the gym and this crappy black tunic that has a bleach stain and a hole in the armpit. Hot! So my mother and I hauled ass to Target at 5pm on Christmas Eve to get me something to wear. Of course, on a tight schedule all I could pick up was one of those gauzy bohemian skirts and a t-shirt. So now I am dressed like a model for Seventeen magazine. Ah well. That was the big excitement for the day.

Then my grandmother came over and we had a BBQ, and complained about all the goyum and how we hate Christmas. Now my grandmother and I are watching Grumpy Old Men. Hilarity insues.

This area of Florida is so weird. It is just miles and miles of former swampland that was turned into housing developments with fancy names like Valencia Isles, Aberdeen Estates, Coral Lakes, etc. With these rown of identical clone houses that people cram with their Pottery Barn shit.

My parents are so fucking anororexic. Here is what my mother are today: half a cup of Kashi cereal with half a cup of fat free milk, a chicken leg, celery sticks, a turkey burger (no bun) and half a sweet potato. And 2 wheat thins, and then had a 5 minute monologue about the corn syrup in them. Everytime they are not looking, I grab something to stow in the guest room I am staying in because I can’t eat in front of them. I am counting down the hours til they go to sleep so I can finally eat.

Welcome to my life.

Tomorrow: to the movies with all the other Jews!

learning to fly

In rant on December 23, 2005 at 8:45 pm

I made it! The most hellish, feared experience ever was not too bad. Although I freaked out at the aiport because I had no idea where to go and security practically through my laptop through the x-ray machine, I'll admit it wasn't that bad. Thanks for everyone's advice. During takeoff, I closed my eyes, listen to the Strokes, and did my deep breathing exercises. After that, I read, watched a little bit of CNN and played some trivia.

Wtf Delta Song? The safety introduction is this prerecorded track with a Latina woman, which a noticable accent who mixes in some Spanish words. Ok, it is nice to deviate from the typical white lady flight attendant, but please tell me why the fuck they felt the need to play salsa music in the background. And why she said "Ole!" after every sentence. I kid you not.

Then I get to sit next to the most vile woman I have ever met. She must be mid-40s, had her two spoiled tweens with her. This woman was of course wearing Armani jeans and had a Gucci purse, bleached hair, Louis Vuiton luggage, and thought she was 19. Even before the plain started, she was up, asking around for milk for her latte and openly flirting with the (obviously gay) flight attendent. The minute we landed, she grabbed her cell phone and loudly called her chauffer to tell him where to pick her up, and then abnoxiously said "Feliz Navidad!" at the end of the call. She was vile beyond belief.

Before I knew it I was in Ft. Lauderdale, where developers plant palm trees every few inches to remind you WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE. Ok, I get it. Florida is warm.

Report from Day 1 with the fam:

driving from the airport, they apologized for having to drive through the "creepy" part of Florida. Translation: the non-Jew non-white areas of Florida.

We start driving through these various, gated, bougie communities, and I subtley comment about the message the gated communities send. My mom says it is to keep the "bad element" out. I nicely comment that the "bad element" would be made to feel unwelcome here. She comments that it's true, the "bad element" like to be among themselves, and I very politely retort that the "bad element" are forced to be that way, because of things like gated communities. Silence. Then my mother excitedly points out the Publix that she shops at.

100 bucks to anyone who can guess what the "bad element" refers to.

Anyway, I am here, crashing after coming off the meds I took this morning, and already kind of bored. Their house is like a spotless IKEA showroom, and when I entered, the first thing was that I got a lecture on not leaving crumbs anywhere.

And, of course, I can't eat anything in front of them, so I am gnawing on my arm until they go to sleep so I can eat comfortably.

Plus, the package I sent ahead with my clothes hasn't arrived, so I am now dressed on a pair of my Dad's sweatpants and my gym t-shirt.

Yay vacations!

everyone’s a fucking blogger

In people on December 22, 2005 at 11:43 pm

So, it's basically a cyber-insult if you have a blog and you don't tell me. (AHEM Brian and Laila.)

Speaking of old RAs, I think it is rad that I still keep in touch quite regularly with several of them. One of them is married. Others actually now work as admissions counselors- hahaha, they've come over to the dark side of student affairs.

Tomorrow the kids leave campus for the semester. Thank gawd. Then I am off on a the planeride that I so dread. So, to keep me occupied for the trip, I have:
3 Ricky Gervais podcasts
2 Keith and the Girl podcasts
The new Strokes cd
An Under the Radar magazine
my knitting
plans to watch Sky High and Four Brothers (Garrett Hedlund, yum)
3 books
various snacks
a copy of In Style
plans to watch BBC America

Jeez, you'd think I was flying halfway across the world.

he’s with the band

In The Strokes, music on December 22, 2005 at 2:11 pm

So, once again, my brother has to rub it in my face that he pseudo-works in the music industry, and one of the artists he represents is the Strokes. So he gets there annual Holiday card. It’s pretty rad.

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.com

Why is Nick wearing a Star of David? Why do I want to be in the middle of that pile?

worst releases

In music on December 22, 2005 at 11:09 am

Pitchfork delivers again… this time it's the worst releases of 2005.

I agree completely.

When I look back at all the absolute garbage released this year, it makes me wonder how we can remain so consistently optimistic about the state of music. But I realize I'm only saying that because I've just spent two days scraping out my brain's peripheral sludgebanks to pull 2005's worst releases and one-offs back from the brink of repression. Naturally, it gets bad every year, but was there something special about this one? To choose only 15 was an overwhelming task. Just consider what didn't make the cut: Goldie Lookin' Chain, the Bloodhound Gang, 50 Cent's "Candy Shop", Bo Bice, Louis XIV, Bowling for Soup, Juelz Santana's "There It Go (The Whistle Song)", Kelly Osbourne, CocoRosie, Panic! At the Disco, Ninja High School, Moby's Hotel, "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk", Audioslave, the Darkness, the Bravery, Liz Phair, the Mars Volta, and Neil Diamond's hysterically absurd "Hell Yeah". That's not even everything. That's not even close. But while some will take issue with the 15 selections ultimately chosen, I have no doubt that the shit's abominable.

Akon: "Lonely"
Poorly interpreting Rule #1 from the Kanye West Production Manual, Akon mistook Bobby Vinton's simpering 1964 hit "Mr. Lonely" for an old soul track. The result is a failure astonishing enough to actually deserve classification as "crack music." What's worse? How dipshits all over the world absolutely reveled in its wretched, gauzy hook, making it a certified international supersmash. I'll give that it pretty much invents children's hip-hop (Fred Penner, are you on this shit??), but only at the expense of all human dignity. Congrats, dude, you scored the most played-to-death song in Claire's Boutiques since "How Bizarre". See if you can lock that shit down with a Scunci tie-in.

Applied Communications: Uhhh Sort Of
Hey, what a talented kid Max Wood must be, or rich. Through the power of a widespread and aggressively hateable advertising campaign alone, he gained recognition and notoriety for his shamelessly inept second album, Uhhh Sort Of. Embodying every cliché of empty late-teen suburban self-loathing trust-fund hipster whining, he's not four minutes into the first track before he's already shit on pretty much everything in existence (including the sun!) like a fit-throwing 10 year-old whose mom just grounded him from Xbox. High school was bad enough. This is some Dante shit.

Black Eyed Peas: "My Humps"
The verdict is in, and the human race approves: "My Humps" is a worldwide hit! And it's all due to the power of democracy: It wasn't even planned as a single, but thanks to word-of-mouth, iTunes downloads, and inundations with requests at radio and MTV, the label finally caved and made it one. So, for the infinitesimal subfraction of you that have somehow managed to evade this omnipresent cultural crapsack, let me spoil the hook for you: "My hump! My hump! My hump!/ My hump! My hump! My hump!/ My hump! My hump! My hump!/ MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS!" For the rest of us, hearing this song for the first time was 2005's most sobering musical experience. Like "Who Let the Dogs Out" before it, "My Humps" is so monumentally vacuous, slapped together and tossed-off that it truly tests the definition of "song." It's actually more like listening to a five-minute commercial jingle– a point driven home by the miles upon miles of product placement that attempt to pass for its verses. The good news, of course, is that something responsible for this much misery could never go unpunished, and at the last minute, God got his revenge: What other pop singer in music history has ever unwittingly pissed her pants onstage?

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: "Clap Your Hands!"
Some bands choose their most extreme, difficult, and uncharacteristic track as their album opener as both a paean to anticommercialism and a barrier to keep out…who? The impatient? Old people? It's a classic shitty underground rock pose, but not as shitty as bringing over Big Top Pee-Wee to shout down your listeners through a megaphone. If you never made it past this track, I can't really blame you. By the time it came screaming out my speakers, it was much too late: the wintry dream-pop of free mp3 "In This Home on Ice" had already locked its in my head and refused to come out. As inspiring as the album's actual songs were, this sucker still owes us an apology.

Cowboy Troy [ft. Big & Rich]: "I Play Chicken With the Train"
Following in the horseshit-encrusted bootsteps of last year's greatest musical atrocity (and inexplicable critical smash), Big & Rich, Cowboy Troy's "I Play Chicken With the Train" sucks the tongue out of C&W-style rap'n'roll's beef-eatin' cheeks to throw down like a homeboy for reals. Namedropping Tim McGraw, the CMAs, and yes, "skillz," country music's first black artist to crack the top 50 since possibly Charley Pride spits verse like a harried telemarketer, stumbling through the clunker triad: "All over the World Wide Web/ You'll see that CBT on that mp3/ Speak clearly what I say so you comprehend/ In the name of hick-hop radio tuned in/ Roaming like thunder on the scene/ It's kinda hard to describe if you know what I mean." And just like Game and 50, the chorus features a guest spot from country's #1 stuntaz: "I play chicken with the train/ Play chicken with the train train/ Uh huh huh uh huh huh." God, critics, you fuckin' assholes!

Daft Punk: "Technologic"
All heroes falter sooner or later, but most have the common sense not to send imitation Crazy Frogs to the mic to spout lists of 21st century home PC functions over production so phoned in it hangs up on you. With the glitter of their digi-disco masterstroke Discovery having finally settled, Daft Punk sounded their potential death knell with the brain-sucking inanity of a Hewlett Packard commercial singing the McDonald's Big Mac theme song. Like watching an ambulance crash into a garbage truck.

Eminem: "FACK"
For those that think this list is pussing out by not assigning a specific rank to each track, I'll give this the #1. Holy god. That there was a worse track than "My Humps" this year is the kind of thing that gets saved for history books. I actually had to pause it in the middle to get my bearings. Unfortunately, nothing I could possibly say about "FACK" would drive home my point like a lyric sample. Are you ready? Are you sure? Okay, careful now: "Ow I'm so fuckin' hot/ And you're so fuckin' hot/ Oh my god/ I wanna fackin' fack/ No, not fuck, I said fack/ F-a-c-k, f-a-c-k, fack, fack fack fackin' freak me!/ Ohh yeah, girl, see baby, they call me Mr. Freaky/ Let's call your sister, 3-way have some 3-some me so horny!/ And you're such a fuckin' babe I wanna go down on you, fuck, you shave!/ Ohh goddamn, here I go again!/ I'm gonna come, I am!" And finally, the chorus: "Owwww owwww owwwww (oh goddamn!)/ I'm gonna fuckin' come! (Oh shit!)/ Fuuck fuck fuyyuccck (fuck, I am!)/ I am, I'm going to come (I'm coming!)." Soooo…yeah.

Fiery Furnaces: Rehearsing My Choir / "Norwegian Wood"
Riding high on the acclaim for last year's Blueberry Boat and the poppier follow-up EP, the Fiery Furnaces lost themselves at the most crucial moment possible. Rather than solidifying their position as the kingpins of hyperprog, their prolificacy sent them careening, disastrously resulting in two duds so severe that even their most unswerving supporters couldn't deny that they were hugely detrimental to the band's momentum. The culprits: the gore-spattered abattoir that was their contribution to the Rubber Soul tribute album This Bird Has Flown, and the now-infamous Rehearsing My Choir, which faced every critic in its wake with the brutal proposition of having to lay the smackdown on the duo's poor old grandmother. Man. Let's just put this all behind us. 2006, guys, 2006.

M83: "Car Chase Terror!"
Why, near the end of M83's car-crash-obsessed Before the Dawn Heals Us must there be a genuine car crash? While the album is admittedly a bit too ambitious at times, reaching almost Vangelis-like levels of bombast, it otherwise follows 2003's Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts to its logical firework-spectacular conclusion. So this is doubly excruciating. Consisting mainly of dialogue between a mother and daughter, "Car Chase Terror!" relies almost exclusively on guest actress Kate Moran. Unfortunately, the only thing worse than the melodramatic scriptwriting is Moran's excruciating overacting, which not only fails to sell the intended dramatic effect, but seriously disrupts the album's flow– an integral element of a project this reliant on concept. The result is something like being punched in the face over and over again, the catastrophically unlistenable pretentious art-house equivalent of a sub-Wyclef hip-hop skit. Gut-wrenching!

Matisyahu
"Just your average Hasidic reggae rapper. Yeah, you heard me. This guy is a straight-up Hasidic Jew from New York who busts mad flow over dancehall and reggae beats. This is the future of music." –Sam Endicott, the Bravery in The Guardian

R. Kelly: "Sex Weed"
Some of your jaws are agape right now. An R. Kelly track on a worst-of-2005 list that's not "Trapped in the Closet"? But "Trapped in the Closet" was so spectacularly weird, and such a bizarre cultural oddity that, even if only as a curiosity, it was completely fascinating and engrossing. "Sex Weed"? Not so much. Stretching the metaphor to its breaking point and beyond, Kells sings, "Girl, you got that sex weed/ I just want to hit it all the time." Not only is this just dumb, but half of these supposed double-entendres are so desperately reaching, it frustrates to no end. "Just one look at you, I've got contact/ Can I get a pull of that/ Girl, your shit is the chronic/ 'Cause I can tell by the way you roll it up/ Make a playa wanna smoke it up." How is he gonna smoke it up? It doesn't even make sense!

Robert Pollard: Relaxation of the Asshole
I like that this is sometimes referred to as Robert Pollard's comedy album. I don't know, something great about that. But it's more funny peculiar: In releasing this beast of an LP, he proved with an almost vainglorious flourish that there is absolutely no scrap of recorded material capturing his essence that does not deserve to exist at least 500 times over in shops across the land. And as usual, his unflinchingly loyal fanbase proved that there's no scrap of recorded material capturing his essence that does not deserve to be purchased for at least $15. Not that it's the first release of its kind: The album, consisting entirely of onstage banter, is practically an homage to the late King's own Having Fun With Elvis Onstage. The problem: Neither dude is too hilarious stumbling around your living space. RIYL: Sounds of the Homeless.

Sun Kil Moon: "Tiny Cities Made of Ashes"
As far as 2005 projects with potential were concerned, this was an enormous letdown. Ex-Red House Painters frontman Mark Kozelek has been doing justice to the worst bands for some moons, so for him to tackle one of my all-time favorites seemed a fairly promising prospect. Oh, what a fool I was. It made me wonder: If I was like a maniac Yes or AC/DC fan, would I just think he was a huge asshole? Either way, this track was a slaughterhouse and poor Isaac Brock just had to sit back and take it like a dude. It's a long drive, indeed, and there's lols for miles.

White Stripes: "Who's a Big Baby?"
Second only to Load Records noise artist Prurient as the year's most punishing sensory assault, this little-known UK B-side to the White Stripes' "Blue Orchid" single unquestionably ranks as the greatest under-the-radar wtf moment of 2005. Likely recorded in the infantile throes of Hollywood-breakup agony, the song presumably finds Jack mocking former enchantress Renee Zellweger from beneath an impossibly wretched vocal filter, resulting in the kind of grotesque 80s horror creature taunt that'd send Sam Raimi into a jackyl-like gallop to the sound studio. As White lets out his most abominable, blood-curdling shriek of all– "LET'S GO SHOPPING!"– one can't help but recall the immortal words: "I'll swallow ya soul."

Weezer: "We Are All on Drugs"
OBVIOUSLY!!!

the reverend

In consumerism, links, rant on December 21, 2005 at 11:12 pm

Earlier today I discovered Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping. Consumerism as entertainment is something I have been very conscious of lately. It's no secret that I enjoy purchasing items, but lately I have been questioning the impact and its intentions.

I love the over the top demonstrations and the simple way they explain the cause. Becoming aware of the effects of consumerism is something everyone can think about and it is really to alter behaviors just a little bit to make an impact.

I'm going to keep thinking about ways I can be more conscious of my own consumerism.

whoa

In consumerism, music on December 21, 2005 at 9:33 pm

You can submit yourself for Time's Person of the Year.

Touch and Go, one of my favorite labels, is celebrating 25 years with reissues.

My new favoritest group: Youth Group from Austalia. Album coming soon.

I am writing this from my brand-spanking new Gateway computer. Who knew an electronic piece of equipment could fill the burning pit of nothingness in my soul? The 17-inch screen is amazing. In fact, this blog only covers about a 4th of it.

I am so happy I kinda forgot I am going to be 30,000 feet in the air on Friday. Although, last night at about 4am, I sat upright in bed and thought, "HOW IN THE HELL DOES THE PLANE STAY IN THE AIR?"

The Arcade crap

In music on December 21, 2005 at 2:35 pm

Someone compiled the 33 best Canadian bands. Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene…pretty fucking predictable.

113513699975291221

In film on December 20, 2005 at 10:48 pm

The straight dude's guide to 'Brokeback'.

My mother told ne she wants to go see it when I am in Florida. She soooo loves the gays.

Researchers Find Barbie Is Often Mutilated

In pop culture goodness on December 20, 2005 at 5:07 pm

Barbie, beware. The iconic plastic doll is often mutilated at the hands of young girls, according to research published Monday by British academics.

"The girls we spoke to see Barbie torture as a legitimate play activity, and see the torture as a 'cool' activity," said Agnes Nairn, one of the University of Bath researchers. "The types of mutilation are varied and creative, and range from removing the hair to decapitation, burning, breaking and even microwaving."

Researchers from the university's marketing and psychology departments questioned 100 children about their attitudes to a range of products as part of a study on branding. They found Barbie provoked the strongest reaction, with youngsters reporting "rejection, hatred and violence," Nairn said.

"The meaning of 'Barbie' went beyond an expressed antipathy; actual physical violence and torture towards the doll was repeatedly reported, quite gleefully, across age, school and gender," she said.

While boys often expressed nostalgia and affection toward Action Man — the British equivalent of GI Joe — renouncing Barbie appeared to be a rite of passage for many girls, Nairn said.

"The most readily expressed reason for rejecting Barbie was that she was babyish, and girls saw her as representing their younger childhood out of which they felt they had now grown," she said.

Nairn said many girls saw Barbie as an inanimate object rather than a treasured toy.

"Whilst for an adult the delight the child felt in breaking, mutilating and torturing their dolls is deeply disturbing, from the child's point of view they were simply being imaginative in disposing of an excessive commodity in the same way as one might crush cans for recycling," she said.

Manufacturer Mattel, which sells 94 million Barbies a year worldwide, said the doll remained the "No. 1 fashion doll brand."

Mattel U.K. said that despite the findings of "this very small group of children, we know that there are millions of girls in the U.K. and across the world that love and enjoy playing with Barbie and will continue to do so in the future."

more lists

In music on December 20, 2005 at 9:01 am

The only reason I continue living year to year is to read year-end lists. Along with the best singles, Pitchfork released its 50 best albums of the year. THis is the motherlode for music snobs like me. Many of my year end favorites are on there, and some are expected to be on there…it's kind of like the emporeror's new clothes- there are some albums that people think it is hip to listen to, but they actually suck, and no one will admit to it. Things like Boradcast, the Fiery Furnaces, the Silver Jews, Sun O)))), Clap YOur Hands Say Yeah, and Wolf Parade.

SUFJAN STEVENS AT #1???? Are you people deaf? Ok, ok, ok, so it is up to opinion I know, but I would think a #1 album would be something that transcends all genres, that would "convert" others into listening to something they wouldn't normally listen to (i.e., M.I.A.), but this album is one long jerf-off for this guy. And a big snooze-fest for me. I think people are too busy looking at a picture of him and not actually listening.

reads

In read on December 19, 2005 at 11:27 pm

I recently finished:

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Simon Doonan, Nasty

I first saw Simon Doonan, who is a window dresser at Barney's, giving commentary on Best Week Ever and all those other VH1 pop culture shows. I enjoyed his catty, snarky remarks. I found this randomly in the new releases section of the library, and at first I thought he was jumping on the bandwagon of writing memoirs about childhood. Seriously. After David Sedaris, everyone and their mother is writing about what they think is a crazy childhood, stretching to make things funny that are not. But for real, he can write, and his childhood is worth writing about. The way he writes is fabulous, and makes no apologies for being catty, superficial, and obsessed with upward social mobility. It also gives a good sense of how he grew up queer in working-class England and dealing with seedy characters in the neighborhoods he lived in.

merry christmas

In nyc, people on December 19, 2005 at 11:24 pm

Tim makes pretty things.

Thanks for the earlier advice about flying. I've also been talking to several people about it today, and I feel a bit better.

I am concerned for my New York friends, because the MTA workers brough' it. I am not so concerned how they will get around, but I am more concerned about how the city will react. Chaos in NYC makes me a little nervous. I remember during the blackout of '03 just seeing people swarm First Avenue made me nervous.

high flying adored

In rant on December 19, 2005 at 10:31 am

So, as many of you know, in 5 days I am flying to Florida to spend my winter break with my parents at their new house is Boynton Beach. As some of you know, I have an intense phobia of flying. I have talked about this with some of you more than with others. Some people seem to not understand. They seem incredulous, and tell me "oh, it's just three hours, it's no big deal." It's a phobia, people. It's supposed to be irrational. I can list all the reasons that I will be fine, and that it is no big deal, but it still doesn't help the fact that I will not be able to eat nor sleep leading up to it. I understand that this phobia is limiting me in a lot of ways, like the obvious one where I do not travel a lot and it limits me from visiting a lot of the people I love. I haven't even been to my parents' place in Florida and they moved there 2 years ago.

It has nothing to do with the fear of crashing it the threat of terrorism (although these thoughts do cross my mind once I am in the airport). It is completely a matter of control. Yes, the flight to Florida is only 3 hours, but that is 3 hours in sheer terror. A 20 minute flight is even too much. However, my only experiences with flying has been with Southwest, and I think they have ruined me for life, because they basically cram one person per cubic foot on the plane. This time I am flying Delta Song, which looks more comfortable. It was more costly, but I would pay a year's salary for an anastesiolgist to travel with me and put me out for the entire flight. The good thing is that there are movies and television to distract me. Has anyone ever flown Delta Song before? Also, any "tips" for flying would help, maybe some things that you all do that make flying easier for you. Even if they seem like common sense, any help would be appreciated.

p.s. I already have the meds.

oh please

In tv on December 19, 2005 at 10:06 am

VH1 is jumping on the "Being Jewish is Trendy" bandwagon.
All Access: so Jewtastic
Being Jewish is the new Ugg boots.

I am newly intrigued by the band Diamond Nights. Not just because they are attractive. Which they are. In a gross ugly kind of way.

lists

In music on December 19, 2005 at 9:57 am

I love year end lists!

Pitchfork does its top 50 singles of the year.

Some exerpts:

28: Ladytron
"Destroy Everything You Touch"
[Universal Island]

I can't remember the last time one single turned me around on a band so completely. And judging by "Destroy"'s incongruous appearance on an unscientific sampling of friends' CD-R mixes and mp3 playlists, I'm not the only disbeliever to be smitten into submission. To their credit, Ladytron entered into this record a beefier, significantly more bloodthirsty outfit, and the track's intro– comprised of some lightweight synth noodling quickly stomped out by a canyon-wide squall of guitars and distorted Korgs– served as a tidy illustrative snapshot of just how quantumly they've leapt. So quantumly, in fact, that next time I see a picture of them, with their karate pantsuit streetwear and Astroboy haircuts, I'll pass over the scorn normally reserved for bands whose records aren't nearly as stylish as their promo shots. –Mark Pytlik

26: Madonna
"Hung Up"
[Warner Bros.]

Critics are the only music listeners depraved enough to hem and haw over the use of a sample in a hit song, but the appropriated ABBA upon which "Hung Up" is built steals the show. Sure, its use might've been a shortcut for Madonna to realize this year's disco-diva persona, yet producer Stuart Price goes over those cyclic "Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" strings like a chiropractor, phasing it left and right, fading it up and down, lacing it with supplemental bass. While the radio edit cruelly chops out the song's glorious slow-mo breakdown, the video captures the song's appeal perfectly, a time-traveled Madonna in her Karen Lynn Gorney get-up, fitting right in with DDR-heads and crumpers. "Hung Up" might signal Madonna's marathon career finally starting to eat itself, and Ms. Ciccone doesn't do anything (aside from Gwen Stefani reverse-biting) different than she's done for the past two decades, but its borrowed beat goes on after midnight all the same. –Rob Mitchum

13: M83
"Don't Save Us From the Flames (Superpitcher Remix)"
[Mute]

Where Luciano chose to stretch "Teen Angst", one of M83's poppiest songs, into 12 minutes of static bliss, Superpitcher turns M83's rockingest cut into a pumping station from which flows an endless ooze of pop pleasure, happy-sad ambivalence sparkling in a fine mist above it all. Opening with a minute-and-a-half of hypnagogic blur, and underscored with a kick/snare combo that doesn't do any more or less than it's asked, the track owes its magic to the interplay between pistoning pianos and oblique, whispersigh vocals that break you in two no matter how you (mis-)interpret them. And just when you think that the world would be a better place if those two chords replaced all others, an unexpected bridge shows you the secret passage to paradise. I propose a new award category (which Missy Elliott would have handily won a year or so back): Best Record to Introduce Non-Ravers to the Sonic Benefits of Ecstasy. –Philip Sherburne

01: Antony & the Johnsons
"Hope There's Someone"
[Secretly Canadian]

Antony & the Johnsons' funeral torch song signals a hopeful resurgence of a New York bohemian scene for the first time since…Paris Is Burning? Or, better yet, Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe? "Hope There's Someone", then, sounds like both a revival and a quiet, unself-conscious elegy for that long-lost bohemia, which was eventually decimated by AIDS, drugs, gentrification, and, perhaps, its own success. All that time between then and now hasn't dated the sentiment, though: even 20 years late, it carries the same impact as Susan Sontag's abstracted short story "The Way We Live Today" and Tony Kushner's play Angels in America.

That's a weighty burden for one song, but "Hope There's Someone" shoulders it gracefully. The words and hymnlike melodies are simple and straightforward, as is Antony's soft piano. The only sign of other musicians comes on that ghostly final section, which at first sounds like uninvited psychedelia but actually evokes a soul let loose from a body. Whether it's ascending to the heavens or simply dissipating into the ether is the song's woeful mystery, and it hangs with the unhappy heaviness of a question mark that even that short, hopeful closing coda can't alleviate. More than anything else, the song is a memento mori, a reminder to all of us, regardless of sexuality or geography, to fear the end but embrace the mystery, to hold our loved ones a little longer. –Stephen M. Deusner

always love

In Nada Surf, music on December 18, 2005 at 9:16 pm

I think if I could only listen to one band for the rest of my life, it would be Nada Surf. Cool interview and acoustic perfomances here.
More good news: they will be on tour with Rogue Wave next year. Bad news: they are making an appearance of One Tree Hill. WTF?

Alsom in case you missed it, this rap on SNL about the Chronicles of Narnia is hilars.

my new boyfriends and new shows

In music, tv on December 18, 2005 at 1:03 pm

Some of my new boyfriends:

Nate Corrdry and Demetri Martin from the Daily Show (Erin set us up)and Andy Samberg (SNL is kinda getting funny again).

Here are some new shows coming out in which I am embarrassed for all those involved:

#1 Single: former 90s pop idol Lisa frigging Loeb looks for love. Her bff Ben Stiller couldn't help her out?

Ashley Parker Angel: There and Back. Former O-Town member from the first Making the Band tries to make it as a solo artist. Funny they always have to mention that he has a wife and kid, to proactively fight the gay rumors. The thing I feel so funny about is that back in 2000 I had a secret crush on him. And now I just laugh because he is trying to assert his indie-rock look.

And just for laughs, please listen to the intro of this Lindsay Lohan song.

In news that assures me that good music is not dead, South By Southwest info has started becoming available.

The Wrens and Nada Surf are playing a benefit show in NYC on January 15. God frigging damn RA training.

Also, are Bad Brains reuniting for a show?

laguna beach is a monster

In links, pop culture goodness on December 18, 2005 at 12:52 pm

Laguna Beach residents plan to disrupt shooting, boycott show-supporting businesses

After two seasons of Laguna Beach, some residents of the community have had enough. As production on the third season begins, “[t]hey plan to boycott businesses that allow filming, petition the council to condemn the show and encourage individuals to disrupt shooting,” according to the Telegraph.

Among other things, families are reportedly moving to Laguna or renting houses in order to ensure that their kids can attend the high school and maybe appear on TV, and some teenagers are reportedly “undergoing plastic surgery to increase their chances of being cast.”

Resident Howard Hills says, “There is a groundswell of community opposition. Initially people were star struck — parents and kids. But now they are beginning to realise this is not what Laguna Beach is about. Our town and our kids are better than that.”

“That,” according to Derek Ostensen, “is exploitative, sensationalist and all about titillation” from “sexy, dizzy blondes and lascivious young men.” Ostensen, who the paper says “tries to step in front of the cameras whenever he sees crews filming,” maintains that this is not representative of the community. “Laguna has historically stood for noble principles such as art, education, the environment and community togetherness. The only principle MTV stands for is exploiting youth for profit,” he said.

Laguna Beach the show is everything that is wrong with the world. However, when it is on, it's like a train wreck I can't stop watching. Some of the students I work with are from southern California and tell me Laguna Beach is actually a run-down, poverty stricken area with a huge socioeconomic gap between the community and the handful of rich families with large multi-million dollar homes on the beach.

a note about comments

In rant on December 18, 2005 at 12:48 pm

I love when people comment on my blog. In fact, it is my form of validation. However, it kinda sorta freaks me out when I am not sure who is commenting. So, when you do comment, please don't do it anonymously. Or, in general, please let me know who you are. Even if you don't use your real name, that's fine, as long as I can get the gist. Some of you have usernames (e.g., little caesar, www_adh, juan) that I am familiar with, so that's fine. I love the comments, but I don't want to have to use the moderate comments function of the blog, because that is basically censorship. Thanks!

Anyhoo…anyone see King Kong? Was it worth it?

merry xmas

In rant on December 17, 2005 at 11:36 pm

I know I have beaten this topic to death, but I have ben thinking more about the "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas" thing. At firat, I applauded many corporations and insitutions for using the term "Happy Holidays" to be more inclusive. True, the intention is to make sure you are inclusing Channukah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan. Yes, good intentions. But are these holidays really significant? I get "happy holidays" propganda shoved into every origice in the days surrounding December 25. Does anyone tell me "happy holidays" around Purim or Sukkot? Does anyone even KNOW when the Buddhist holidays are? No. Although it is meant to be more inclusive, the whole push for "happy holidays" is still centered around Christmas, because it wouldn't even be an issue if Christmas wasn't on December 25. In reality, everyone should just keep "Merry Christmas", because that is what they really mean. Just say it, but make sure you know for sure that the person celebrates Christmas. To me, I'd rather you say nothing, and let me go about my day normally.

And, to emphasize my point, a excert from Sedarivities, Amy Sedaris' advice column she writes for the Believer.

Dear Amy,
Why on earth do Christmas novelties keep coming out in stores earlier and earlier each year? Why is Christmas merchandise on sale before Halloween masks of ex-presidents are? Why are my younger cousins telling me what they want for Christmas in June? It’s too forced. Furthermore, it destroys the entire season of autumn, which here on the East Coast is filled with beautiful maroon, chestnut, and yellowy foliage. How does one cope with such madness?

Christopher Lippa
Brighton, Mass.

Dear Christopher,

Here’s an idea, Comrade. Move to another goddamn country. What’s the matter, capitalism not good enough for you? Well, listen up, Mr. East Coast Liberal College Boy. America has been standing up to you pinko hippie commie types since Christmas began back in the late ’40s, and we ain’t backin’ down now. So the next time you get your yarmulke in a bind after seeing Santa in his red, white, and blue suit, remember this: Those colors don’t run!

Amy

raunch culture

In rant, read on December 17, 2005 at 11:24 pm

As much as I can cringe and heave, I do admit that Howard Stern is kind of a genius. An evil genius, that is.

My feminist knee-jerk response would be to condemn him and call him the root of all evil. Recently I have been thinking differently. Is it really logical to blame him, or should we be blaming the society that creates an environment where there is a merket for a show likes this? All he is doing is taking advantage of a need , a niche in the market. It is hard to say if he is a cause of the problem or basically a by-product of it? Sadly, I think Howard Stern is actually *gasp* kind of intelligent and surprisingly well spoken, when not on his actual show.

What got me thinking this way recently, is a book I just read, Female Chauvanist Pigs.

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Basically, the idea of the author is that some women consider themselves sexually liberated and/or asserting female dominance and equality by embracing "raunch culture" originally directed at men, such as things like Howard Stern, The Man Show, taking "pole dancing" aerobics, and watching traditional straight porn. When, in actuality, they are just reaffirming the misogynist, gender-affirming aspects that are the problem to begin with. She rips Sex and the City a new one, basically portraying the characters as sad, sad women. Which, although the show is entertaining, I would tend to agree. Samantha, a sexually liberated feminist? I think not. Women are sold on the idea that appearing sexy and sexually available makes them sexually liberated, when it only does so because it sells and there is a monetary, comsumerist demand for it. Maybe I am becoming more socialist than I thought I would be.

THe only problem, is that feminists agree with this problem sort of find themselves aligned with the coservative right on the issue. For example, they would both want to ban sexually suggestive billboards, but for different reasons. Both would protest the airing of the Victoria's Secret Fashion show on TV. The difference is that the right would want it in the name of suppression and censorship, but I would want it in the name of more positive representations of female sexuality.

Just another reason I find pop culture so fascinating.

odds and ends

In film, links, music, pop culture goodness on December 17, 2005 at 10:41 pm

Oh, dammit! Radar Magazine is no more. In a world of crap periodicals, this one seemed to be made for me. Basically a cynical look at pop culture. In a world of In Touch and and Us Weekly, this is a shame.

I swore I wouldn't do it, but I really have an inkling for this:

I don't want to become a zombie who plays this 20 hours a day. But so tempting!

Here is a comp I made a while ago of some kick ass cover songs, most of which I think are way better than the originals.
http://www.filehd.com/1/028867925/index.php

"Dancing WIth Myself"- The Donnas cover Billy Idol
"My Pregative"- Britney Spearss covers Bobby Brown
"One"- Aimmee Mann covers- oh, I don't know. It's the song from Magnolia.
"Word Up"- Korn covers Cameo"
"Hurt"- Johnny Cash covers Nine Inch Nails
"Your Love" – Midtown covers the Outfield (this is my personal fave)
"Come Sail Away"- Me First and the Gimme Gimmes cover some 70s song
"Forever Young" The Youth Group covers that 80s song every heard at their prom
"Don't Fear the Reaper"- The Caesars cover Blue Oyster Cult (from my favorite ep of Six Feet Under)
"Cum on Feel the Noize"- Oasis covers Quiet Riot
"Imagine" – Shudder to Think cover John Lennon
"Story of My Life" Reel Big Fish cover Social Distortion
"Army of Me" – Helmet cover Bjork (this is weird)
"Cruel to Be Kind"- the New Pornographers cover…oh you know the song
"It's My Life" – No Doubt cover Talk Talk
"Where is My Mind" Nada Surf cover the Pixies

Some movies I have re-watched recently and realized how kick ass they are:
The Truman Show
Ever After
Much Ado About Nothing
Adventures in Babysitting

Speaking of, Land of the Dead is on DVD. Don't brush it off as a crappy horror movie, it is actually George Romero's first movie in like, 50 years. Zombie movies are the shit.

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Anyone see Jack Black on SNL. Is it me, or does he look a little more…mainstream? Usually with him, it's an inverse relationship; the dirtier and weirder, the more attractive. The Hollywood makeover is really irritating me.

Bea takes a stand

In links on December 17, 2005 at 9:01 pm

This post is mostly for John's benefit, but while we are on the topic, Yay for Bea for taking a stand.

Letter From Bea Arthur

I have some very important information to share with you about a decision many women may face when they reach the age of menopause. When I approached that stage of life, my doctor gave me Premarin, an estrogen replacement drug prescribed to millions of women around the world.

What I did not know is that Premarin is made from the urine of pregnant mares. When I learned this, I was horrified to think of what I had been swallowing every day. I was even more shocked to learn that the horses used to produce the urine suffer terribly. Tens of thousands of them are confined to barns in the U.S. and Canada. For most of their 11-month pregnancies, they are tied in stalls and fitted with rubber urine collection devices. Their only "exercise" is a step or two forward and back — no leg-stretching runs or rolls on the ground. Water is restricted to keep the urine concentrated, so the mares are constantly thirsty.

Perhaps saddest of all are the "by-products" of the urine collection industry — the mares’ babies. They aren’t needed to make Premarin, so they are sold at auction. Most are just three or four months old. But they won’t end up in family stables. The foals will be sent to stockyards, fattened up, and slaughtered for consumption in Europe.

I stopped taking Premarin and was delighted to find a good selection of synthetic estrogen replacements made without urine and animal suffering. My message to your readers is this: Think carefully about what prescriptions you choose to fill. Please do not take Premarin. Please do not pay for cruelty. Tell your daughters, your mothers, your sisters, your aunts, and your friends. If enough of us refuse to take Premarin, the industry will have to change.

Sincerely,

Beatrice Arthur

source

just a post for the little people

In nothing special on December 17, 2005 at 8:37 pm

Hey, a weird thing happened today I realized that I have some failtful readers of this lil ol' blog. That, and I have been getting some more hits that I don't really recognize, but great, I don't know how you got here, but welcome. I appreciate you keep reading this, because sometimes I feel like it is superficial drivel. This outlet for my thoughts has been a blessing and a curse, because I am always tempted to explore other things going on with me, like all the crap I deal with at work and a lot of the interpersonal things that happen with me and the people I know. However, unlike a majority of people, I understand this is public, and certainly me airing everything is not the smartest thing ever. So, thanks for coming here, whether it be you are interested in what I have to say, or if you like to download the stuff I post, or if you just like to see pictures of boys.

tunes

In The Strokes, music on December 16, 2005 at 12:23 pm

Here’s the James Blunt cd. I like it, especially the first single “You’re beautiful.” You know, he’s the pale British guy who in the video slowly disrobes and then jumps off the cliff. It’s good in the easy-listening kind of way. He’s also Pete Yorn’s long lost twin.

http://s61.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=16Q9PFVG1N0HG1O7NSCUS3CCX0

Several of you asked for the new Strokes album, First Impressions of Earth. Here yago.

http://s61.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0V02BHLJ3KPYW1CK5MGS8MO9IW

113470849445222185

In eye candy on December 15, 2005 at 11:47 pm

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"Peter, I like you better than Heath. Shhhhh, don't tell him."

Ok, I'll just turn this into a boy post. Some recent Cilliam Murphy photoshoot:

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.comFree Image Hosting - www.supload.com

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In links on December 15, 2005 at 10:31 pm

This is axactly what I'm talking about.

Happy Hipster HannukahHELLOOOOOOOO Jews!" the M.C. shouted to the 1,000 or so people sipping drinks and jostling elbows in the hazy purple light of Crobar, the Chelsea club, on Sunday evening. Disco balls twinkled. Electric menorahs glowed. In the candlelighted V.I.P. area, people bit into chocolate Hanukkah gelt. From a stage on the dance floor Rachel Dratch of "Saturday Night Live" bemoaned being Jewish at Christmastime, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, the foul-mouthed puppet, belted out a joyous rendition of "Shalom Aleichem." It was not long before people were waving their arms above their heads and lobbing inflatable dreidels through the air like beach balls.

There was a name for this merriment: "A Jewcy Chnukah," a freewheeling celebration of the holiday produced by Jewcy, a group that brings together young Jews through celebrity-filled events. (Proceeds from Sunday night went to Natan, a philanthropic organization that supports projects that engage young Jews in their religion and heritage.) At the end of the evening, which included performances by the rocker Perry Farrell and the cast of "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee," Jon Steingart, a founder of Jewcy, peered down at the packed dance floor. "This," he said, "bodes very well."

"A Jewcy Chanukah" is but one of many kitschy celebrations that in the past few years have made comedy as much a part of Hanukkah as latkes and sour cream. The irreverent and sometimes R-rated Hanukkah productions, popping up during what many people have called a Jewish hipster moment, are largely a reaction to what many Jews say is an overwhelming amount of Christmas hoopla. Their humor-laden productions attract thousands of young Jews (some of whom have never gravitated toward their own culture before) and, perhaps inadvertently, raise the question of what it means to be Jewish.

"We have 12 months of the year to assert our Jewish identity, so why now?" said Rob Tannenbaum, one half of the variety show "What I Like About Jew." "The time of year that I feel most like a minority group is Christmas."

Mr. Tannenbaum said he tries to convey his feelings to his Christian friends by asking them to imagine this: "Everywhere you go strangers say to you, 'Merry Ramadan.' Anywhere you go you can't get into a store because people are bowing to Mecca. You'd be an angry minority. You'd be like, 'Enough of this Ramadan all ready.' "

Christmas has gotten out of hand, said Jackie Hoffman, who is starring in "Chanukah at Joe's Pub," a one-woman show. "No one does 'The Sukkot Revue,' " she said, referring to the autumnal Jewish holiday, "because then we're not being badgered."

Some Jews feel Hanukkah, which begins this year at sundown on Dec. 25, is the perfect time for comic relief because it is not a significant holiday. "We don't do this with Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana," said Joshua Neuman, the editor in chief and publisher of Heeb magazine. "There's an added comedic value in that we know it is largely the result of American commodity culture."

Hanukkah is a minor, generally child-centered holiday that celebrates the victory of the Jews over the Syrian Greeks around 165 B.C. No classic Hanukkah films or ballets were inspired by it. There is no "Miracle on Hester Street," no "Radio City Hanukkah Spectacular." Jewish songwriters have been more inclined to compose Christmas songs, including many of the most beloved: "White Christmas" (Irving Berlin), "The Christmas Song: Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" (Mel Tormé) and "We Need a Little Christmas" (Jerry Herman), to name but three. Adam Sandler's 1995 "Hanukkah Song," in which he enumerates Jewish (and semi-Jewish) celebrities, is the closest thing to a mainstream Hanukkah tune.

"I think Sandler was the catalyst for a lot of this," said Robert Smigel, the voice (and hand) behind Triumph, after his performance on Sunday. "A lot of that was him asserting himself as a Jew."

In 1997 the creators of "South Park" mined the potential agony of being a Jewish child during December with the lament, "It's Hard to be a Jew on Christmas." By 2003 T-shirts that read "Jewcy" were selling like potato hot cakes, and Jewish hip-hop went from a simmer to a boil. On Monday VH1 will attempt to understand why Judaism is all the rage with a pop culture special called "So Jewtastic." An excerpt from the show's press material reads, "In an age when Madonna demands to be called 'Esther,' Jon Stewart is a sex symbol and seemingly everyone speaks a little Yiddish, it's never been hipper to be a Jew."

Chris Mazzilli, the owner of Gotham Comedy Club, said its annual "A Very Jewish Christmas" is one of its most successful shows. This year he expects about 800 people, up from about 400 last year.

"For us it was a lot easier six years ago," Mr. Tannenbaum said. "There was a lot less competition on Christmas Eve. It was us or the Matzo Ball. Our only competition was a bunch of pathetic Jewish singles trying to drink enough Manischewitz to forget that they were probably going to be alone on New Year's Eve."

This year "What I Like About Jew" will have its largest tour ever, a six-city romp around the East Coast. "Like most other trends," Mr. Tannenbaum said, "the Jewish holiday hipster started in New York and has spread outward."

The movement is likely to only go so far, said Rabbi Marc Gellman, part of "The God Squad," an interfaith cable television show, and a Newsweek.com columnist. "This revival is primarily a New York-L.A. thing, and it's the result of the fact that the only geographical region that has a majority of Jews outside Israel is Manhattan," he said. "If you live in Wichita, the new hip Jewish movement will never reach you."

That these Hanukkah shows tend to be the product of secular Jews also keeps the mood light.

Over the last three years more and more young Jews have been flaunting their heritage, donning T-shirts that proclaim their Semitic roots, listening to the Hasidic reggae singer Matisyahu and climbing onto the celebrity-driven kabbalah bandwagon. And though many occupy the same Lower East Side walk-ups that their grandparents once did, they are not interested in quietly assimilating. They identify more with the cultural trappings of Judaism – the music, the cuisine, the humor – than with the teachings of the Torah.

"We ourselves are less observant Jews, but we are still very culturally Jewish," Mr. Steingart of Jewcy said. The comedian Rebecca Drysdale is of like mind. "My connection with being Jewish is not a religious one," she said. "It's cultural."

Mr. Neuman explained: "There's this emerging sense of new Jewish culture that is self-consciously postdenominational and largely devoid of religious context."

But those who define themselves as "cultural" Jews may alter their definitions over time, Rabbi Gellman said. "When they have kids," he said, "they'll say: 'What do you mean? Of course my kid will have a bar mitzvah.' " He also pointed out that while some people call themselves "cultural" Jews, "Judaism defines identity by blood, not by belief." Translation: If your mother is Jewish, so are you.

"I think they know very little about Judaism, but they seem to be crying out for some identity," said Ms. Hoffman, who has nine years of yeshiva under her belt. "I don't know if this generation knows much about Sophie Tucker and Mort Sahl and George Jessel. I think they're just grasping for something during such an unbelievable onslaught," she said, referring to the Christmas season. It is good that people are grasping, she explained, but added that taking a Judaism class can be worthwhile. "Investigate before you declare yourself a Jew in name only," she said. "It's not so bad."

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog riffed on that topic on Sunday night. "Jewcy is the bold new movement of cool Jews," Triumph said, his gravelly voice dripping with sarcasm. "Yeah, we want to be cool. We're Jews, like the Beasties! We don't want to be nerdy, like Einstein." Then he admonished: "Crack open a Torah. Learn something. That's right! I'm lecturing you bitches!"

The lecture came lovingly gift wrapped in humor, but like many jokes it contained an element of truth. "It's not just a kitschy subject matter," Mr. Smigel said later. "It can be reduced to that, and that's a fear of the older generation. I feel very lucky that I got to get a real education in the religion."

Some people do not enjoy the new Hanukkah shows. "The older generation is often uncomfortable with our performances," Mr. Tannenbaum said. "There is a sense that was common in an older generation that you shouldn't do anything that could be bad for the Jews. Don't be loud. Don't be vulgar. Don't be proud. Blend in. Assimilate. Finish college."

During the first song in "What I Like About Jew" (one of the milder lyrics is "She puts the whore in hora"), Mr. Tannenbaum said he usually hears "a chair scraping and a pair of orthopedic shoes leaving the room."

No such exit was made at "A Jewcy Chanukah" on Sunday. After two hours of music and comedy, Perry Farrell mixed the sacred and secular by singing "Avenu Malkenu" and "Jane Says." Then he curled his string bean body over a microphone and cried, "Happy Hanukkah!" in a voice so joyful, he might as well have shouted, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

source

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In people on December 15, 2005 at 10:21 pm

project loveway

In pop culture goodness, tv on December 15, 2005 at 3:24 pm

I caught Project Runway 2 this week, and to my utter ans sheer delight, the design competition was to design an outfit for My Scene Barbie! Was I the creator of this show? They had as a guest judge the woman who designs the Barbies. I wanted to hire a hitman to kill her so I could have her job. Anyway, the winning one was so very Barbie:

They are going to produce a line of Barbies in this outfit. Sign me up!

It is interesting, because all the competitions seems to be to design something according to someone else's vision and standards. There is not a lot of opportunity to design within their own vision. I guess this show is preparing them to be coporate sell-outs.

And no one from Pratt this year!

Grundel Blumpkin: Heidi is starting a master race with Seal
Grundel Blumpkin: "Design an outfit for my baby"
Grundel Blumpkin: "zee next challenge is to design a mask for my pox scarred baby's daddy"

jewcy

In rant on December 15, 2005 at 2:48 pm

Seriously, what is with all the jew envy recently? Sometime in the past few years, Jew-worshipping has become trendy. I am not talking about people who are seriously interested in the religion and do their research and educate themselves about it. I'm talking about how on the Today show this morning, Al Roker did a piece on how the new trend is to use Yiddish words in everyday language, and ran around looking for old ladies to interview, with some klezmer music in the background. How demeaning. And Jewish characters used to be the nerds (think Ross Gellar) but now it is what makes them cool (think Seth Coen on The O.C.). Now people are having retro Bar Mitvah parties, there's Heeb magazine, the Producers, wearing Jewcy shirts, and going to Chanukah themed promoted parties in the east village. Judaism is not a trend, we've been cool for years. All of you have never noticed. Now go back to eating your fruitcake, rushing to the mall of black Friday, and putting up those stupid icicle lights and leave us alone and let us eat our Chinese food in peace.

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In rant on December 14, 2005 at 9:22 pm

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
DATE: DEC. 1ST

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party — the days are so short this time of year — or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice…what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

Patty

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.

Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

——————————————————————————–

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care…I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! > HA !

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

reads

In read on December 14, 2005 at 9:00 pm

Freakonomics, Levitt and Dubner

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This was like, Statistics made fun! The authors use economics for practical reasons to assess social issues. They assert that abortion lowers crime rates because would-be criminals are the children that the women decide not to have, that good parenting has little affect on how children turn out, and explores why selling crack is a lucrative and attractive option for many. It is written well and raises some good questions, and also does a good job of explaining how statistics are often used to manuipulate a point. Meaning, correlations are used to infer causality. You know what I mean.

tunes

In music on December 14, 2005 at 4:20 pm

This is an entire mashup album of Green Day's American Idiot, done by Dean Gray. It is supposed to be better than the Jay-Z/Beatles mashup.
http://www.easy-sharing.com/150898/American Edit.rar.html

Also, Idlewild- 100 Broken Windows. This album is perfection.
http://www.easy-sharing.com/150940/Idlewild.rar.html

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In eye candy on December 14, 2005 at 4:18 pm

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an analysis of “My Humps”

In music, pop culture goodness, rant on December 14, 2005 at 4:10 pm

from Slate

Notes on "Humps"
A song so awful it hurts the mind.

By Hua Hsu
Posted Tuesday, Dec. 6, 2005, at 12:53 PM ET

"Taste has no system and no proofs"—this much we know. But some 40 years after the critic Susan Sontag made this and other observations on the good, the bad, and the in-between, the times have a-changed: Irony and camp have recast taste as an ethical shell game and we feel no guilt celebrating things that are, in the parlance of VH1, Awesomely Bad. But are there still songs that qualify as "bad"? Consider the Los Angeles hip-hop quartet the Black Eyed Peas. Their current single, "My Humps," is one of the most popular hit singles in history. It is also proof that a song can be so bad as to veer toward evil.

The Black Eyed Peas story begins in the early 1990s, when the rappers Will.I.am and Apl.de.ap met as members of a Los Angeles break-dancing crew called Tribal Nation. After a contract with Ruthless Records went nowhere, the duo regrouped with a third member, Taboo, and renamed themselves the Black Eyed Peas. The trio's earthy, post-Benetton aesthetic resulted in two moderately successful but unspectacular albums: 1998's Bridging the Gap and 2000's Behind the Front. In 2003 they added a fourth member, the singer Fergie. Propelled by a more upbeat frat-party vibe, their songs went platinum.

For all the brow-furrowing about the precise, Pavlovian engineering of hit singles, pop music is a wholly unpredictable, unstable enterprise. Lazy artists catch lightning in a bottle, bizarre throwaway jingles are greeted as bursts of quirky ingenuity, and puffy bits of melodrama accidentally become the catchiest thing ever. This is the weird appeal of the radio (or however you get your populist fix): Anything—good, bad, or otherwise—can sound genuinely perfect for a summer. If an Awesomely Bad pop song survives a few years and enlivens a party sometime down the line, so much the better.

This is what makes "My Humps" such an inscrutable pop moment. It's not Awesomely Bad; it's Horrifically Bad. The Peas receive no bonus points for a noble missing-of-the-mark or misguided ambition (some of the offended have responded with parody videos and snickering anecdotes about how the group uses Hitler-approved microphones). "My Humps" is a moment that reminds us that categories such as "good" and "bad" still matter. Relativism be damned! There are bad songs that offend our sensibilities but can still be enjoyed, and then there are the songs that are just really bad—transcendentally bad, objectively bad.

As a piece of music, "My Humps" is a stunning assemblage of awful ideas. The song's playful pogo and coke-thin, ring-tone synth line interpolate Sexual Harassment's 1982 left-field electro hit, "I Need A Freak". But where the original trafficked in something icky, sinister, and darkly sexual, the Peas' call-and-response courtship fails to titillate—in fact, it's enough to convince one to never, ever ogle again. The "humps" in question belong to Fergie, who brandishes her "lovely lady lumps" for the purpose of procuring various gifts from men who, one would assume, find the prospect of "lumps" very exciting—one lump begetting another lump, if you will.

"What you gon' do with all that ass/ All that ass inside them jeans? … What you gon' do wit all that breast?/ All that breast inside that shirt?" rapper Will.I.Am teases in response, rendering literal what had heretofore been pretty much literal. It's a song that tries to evoke a coquettish nudge and wink, but head-butts and bloodies the target instead. It isolates sectors of the female anatomy that obsessive young men have been inventing language for since their skulls fused, and yet it emerges only with "humps" and "lumps"—at least "Milkshake" sounded delicious.

The most fascinating aspect of "My Humps" is that it is widely believed to be the most successful unsolicited single in history, and, as of this writing, it is the most-downloaded song in the country. The Peas achieved all this without releasing a single. Instead, file sharers and intrepid radio programmers were the ones who more or less discovered the song and pushed it toward hit status, eventually forcing the label to respond with a proper single release. (Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" is another recent example of a song that hit because of radio programmers rather than label strategy.) For now, "My Humps," has become the standard-bearer for the direct-democracy cultural possibilities of the Internet. It will certainly be supplanted. Soon, hopefully.

nighmare of yuck

In music on December 14, 2005 at 3:59 pm

Nightmare of You is the band featured on You Hear It First. God, this band annoys me. Some people may tell you that they are cool and to listen to them, but believe me. Stop yourself. They are pretentious hipsters who think they are above the whole hispter thing because their songs are about hipsters.

Another band to avoid is Panic at the Disco.

Oh, and here is a mashup of the Arcade Fire and the Black Eyed Pea's "My Humps."

Also, the year's best media errors.

recent reads

In read on December 13, 2005 at 11:53 pm

My Freshman Year, Rebekah Nathan.

An anthro prof at a large school starts wondering why her students are slacking off, sleeping in class, not doing the reading and generally not taking school so seriously. So she went "undercover" for a year as a freshman at the school she taught at to do an anthropoligical study. That's admirable- to live in a dorm as an adult. You couldn't pay me to do that. WAIT, I AM PAID TO DO THAT! To her credit, she actually lived in a dorm room with a community bathroom, not in a lush bachelorette bad like I have.

I found this interesting, as it both applied to my job and to life and the millenial generation. Basically she found that there was no sense of community and that people were only interested in surrounding themselves in small groups of people that were similiar to them. The only way she, as the outsider, could gain access to the culture of the school was to give off the impression that she did not care about the schoolwork and deliberately disregarded some of the work. At this school, the students that were alienated were the ones that seemed to "align" themselves with the profs by sitting in the front and speaking up in class.

No, this is reminiscent of my college experience, where it seemed like I was the only one in the school who actually did all my reading and enjoyed being engaged in class ('cept for you, Bren). That is definitely a large state-school mentality, where it is basically a dumping ground for the middle class. This does not seem to be the experience at the place I work at or at other smaller liberal arts schools.

The disheartening part was the interviews with the international students, who were boggled at the fact that the students did not appreciate the education they were getting and the fact that the American students barely knew anything about the rest of the world ("Where is Japan? Is that in China"?). After reading this, it made me start hating AMericans again. Although I do feel mixed about getting anti-American, because I have certainly reaped many benefits of being American. I am not quite sure how to resolve these feelings as of now…

don’t believe the hype

In film on December 13, 2005 at 11:48 pm

Yay! Guess what is out on dvd today.

I don't know why everyone is hating on it, I truly enjoyed it. It was like Minority Report meets Armageddon meets Trainspotting. I don't know what that means.

i’m a proud mama

In consumerism on December 13, 2005 at 11:38 pm

Soon to be mine in 3-10 days. I went with a Gateway. 17 inch screen. Wheee!

i suck

In rant on December 13, 2005 at 11:30 pm

So, one of the pathetic things I realized today is that I am not even good at having crushes! I have an ubercrush on someone earlier this summer and was all about having a plan in place to be proactive. Now, at the end of December, someone mentioned him and I realized that I totally forgot about the crush until now. How bad is that? I can't even crush correctly. No, I am not saying who it is because none of you know him anyway.

Speaking of, I have a new gym crush. Get this: he's a red-head who works out in a CBGBs t shirt and Chuck Taylors. Thank God I had my Under the Radar magazine to read on the treadmill to make me look cool. I wonder if he was impressed by my 4x t-shirt that says "Let's wrap!" with a picture of a mummy doing some hip hop moves.

sweet home alabama

In nothing special on December 13, 2005 at 11:15 pm

so I got to get away this weekend and visit my brother in Northport. As much as a dump on Long Island, Northport is very delightful. As I am constantly reminded when I go there, In and Out was filmed there. It has a nice, small town feel with a quaint Main Street. It's weird that my brother is married, because I guess it is supposed to make people different. But I guess not. I had a delightful time playing pop culture trivial pursuit, complaining about non-Jews, hating on everyone, and having my brother make me many bootlegs on his dvd burner. (p.s. The Beach is an amazing movie, just so you know.) They had come back from visiting my parents, and it was interesting to hear my sister in law's take on my parents. I think we all grow up thinking our own families are crazy, but it is nice to have these things validated sometimes.

Just for an upper, here are the 14 worst corporate evildoers.

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving

In music on December 13, 2005 at 9:02 am

December 7, 2005 | Issue 41•49

SAN FRANCISCO—Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion's share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor.

The Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., and Adam Clayton.
"Yeah, that Africa stuff is Bono's thing," The Edge said. "I don't mind if he pursues other interests, but I really try to focus on the guitar riffs that give U2 its characteristic sound."

Bassist Adam Clayton, while "not opposed" to Bono's tireless efforts to improve the quality of life for impoverished Third World citizens, is apparently too busy to spearhead an anti-poverty initiative of his own.

"I was happy to help out with the Live 8 thing," said Clayton, referring to the July mega-concert benefit. "But ever since I discovered rock 'n' roll in the mid-'70s, music has been my passion, and I'd be lying if I said it was something different, like helping people."

Clayton added: "I don't have a problem with [Bono] trying to save Africa. Who knows, it might inspire some decent songs. But just as long as it doesn't interfere with the band."

In 2002, Bono started an organization called Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa to raise awareness of the deep health and economic crises that cripple much of the continent. His fellow bandmates, however, do not lose any sleep over the debt crisis facing many African nations.

"If I could wave a magic wand and cure Africa's problems, I would do that," drummer Larry Mullen Jr. said. "But someone has to take care of the more practical, day-to-day stuff that Bono doesn't really bother with. Like, for example, how's the next album going to sound? How're we going to keep our live act fresh? I can't tell you how many millions of decisions go into making one Elevation tour."

Mullen added: "You don't win 14 Grammys feeding Africans."

In the rare moment they have free, Clayton, Mullen, and The Edge said they choose to relax and rejuvenate, without letting the plight of Africa's starving and disease-afflicted millions weigh too heavily on their minds.

"I have a garden to tend to when we're not on the road," The Edge said. "There's nothing wrong with taking care of your own little corner of the world. I work very hard in my garden."

When asked their opinion about Bono's prospects of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize within the next year, the music-playing part of U2 could not stifle their groans.

"We had a big scare last year when [Bono's] name was put forward as the new president of the World Bank," Clayton said. "I mean, I have nothing against it, but it would just be more work for us, because we'd be left with the very challenging task of finding a new lead singer."

During live concerts, U2 audiences are treated to a stunning audiovisual experience, with Bono periodically giving his opinion on social and world events between songs. During these interludes, the rest of U2 is often conspicuously silent.

"When Bono starts telling the audience how messed up the world can be and how we should work together to make things better, I usually just zone out," Mullen said.

the lion the witch and the let down

In consumerism, film on December 12, 2005 at 11:24 pm

So lately I have been going to the movies with lots of expectations and leaving feeling very empty. I saw Narnia tonight and it was very entertaining and well made. (I wonder if this group of kids ever have a rumble with Dan, Rupert and Emma). No, granted, I didn't read the books, but I left feeling like I needed more of a backstory. They launched right into a full war without even explaining the setup of the city. And talk about a hidden agenda to promote Christianity. And I'm not just talking about the appearance of Father Christmas.

Quote of the century:
"It looks like someone got a bag of hair and mashed it on her head."
-on Rosario Dawson in Rent.

Oh cripes. I stopped at IKEA on the way back to CT today, with the intention of buying one thing. I ended up spending $100 on god knows what. How can I bitch about mass consumerism if I am a part of it?

kill kill kill

In film on December 12, 2005 at 4:26 pm

For those of you that got to see it this weekend, I hate you.

http://www.cafepress.com/jakeheathmerch

yay

In consumerism on December 11, 2005 at 8:38 am

So it turns out I am going to need to get a new computer. I don't want another Toshiba, and my only requirements are that it is a notebook, a PC, 17 inch screen, and at least 50GB of hard drive space (ideally more). What do you all recommend?

you’re breaking my heart.

In pop culture goodness, rant on December 11, 2005 at 3:58 am

I can't fucking stand Natalie Portman. Meaning I actually use up energy despising her.

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.com

What a troll.

consumerism will kill us all

In consumerism, rant on December 10, 2005 at 4:47 pm

ick, ick, ick! Why did I even think it was a good idea to go near a shopping center today? Get this: they had police stationed at Toys R Us, in case some sort of civil unrest broke out over X-box 360s or some shit like that. I can't take this crap anymore. Memo to parents: you don't need to get your children everything they ask for.

Reason number 5,067 that I do not want children.

i’m so proud

In people on December 10, 2005 at 4:39 pm

So, it is my basical goal in life to turn everyone I meet into me. And I am so happy when I see results. When I first met Brandon, he was a shy, well-mannered Texas gentleman. I've totally turned him into a total Pervasaurus Rex like I am. Hence the email I just got from him while at a conference in Las Vegas:

Date : Sat, Dec 10, 2005 03:05 AM
Subject: Captain Jean Luc Pervcard of the USS Pervterprise
I went to Star Trek the Experience in the Las Vegas Hilton tonight. It was fun.
… goddamn those tight starfleet uniforms were SO hot on the actors.

I am so proud! Next he will be starting an underground Buddhist anarchist revolution. I wonder if it is wrong to reprint emails that people send me on here.

Really, I don't know why I have such a potty mouth or why I feel the need to make as many sexual puns and innuendos in conversations. It's not like I even think that way really. It's like if the opportunity to make a statement gross I am sure to take the opportunity. Maybe it is a habit I learned somewhere.

let’s get physical

In nothing special on December 10, 2005 at 4:34 pm

So it turns out that every doctor in America and basically every person I have ever met was right- I guess working out IS good for you. I wanted to prove them wrong. Anyway, I've been going to the gym for about 6 weeks now, and I can definitely tell the difference. When I first went, I would do 7 minutes on the eliptical and fall over in the fetal position. Today I did 35 minutes, no problem (ok, I sort of went into cardiac arrest in the locker room). It is nice to see progress. Also, I do feel a bit more fit. I'm no Nicole Richie (yet), but I do notice a difference. You can cut diamonds with my calves. Just kidding.

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In dreams on December 10, 2005 at 9:00 am

I rarely remember my dreams, and rarely so vividly. I wish there was a device that would record my dreams and burn it onto a dvd. Well, this isn't the Jetsons, so that is not going to happen anytime soon.

But anyway, I got invloved in this group of friends, led by someone who looked somewhat like Reese Witherspoon, and I ended up getting brainwashed Patty Hearst style into causing mayhem all over town (a suburban town at that). We terrorized a high school, breaking stuff and spray-painting vulgar, radical feminist messages everywhere. (Just so you know, the other members of this group included Erin, that guy Jason Lewis from Sex and the City, and my coworker Brandon. Yea we were pretty hardcore). The leader of our group was a woman who was a cross between Reese Witherspoon and some woman I met at a recent conference. Our last straw was when we decided to trash the local Filene's basement by hurling things off shelves and hangers (for some reason, in the context of my dream, that was badass, I swear). I hatched this amazing plan by pretending to be a stockperson and escaping the store when the police arrived. But when I ran outside, I realized I forgot where I had parked, so I ended up getting arrested anyway, along with the leader of the cult and some other guy, who was apparently my boyfriend (barely remember him from the dream). So, my boyfriend, who was a highly revered figure within the cult, was sentended to death by way of electric chair, and the cult leader and I were handcuffed to each other, and brought to a rehabilitation center.

This center was run by a kind and dedicated psychologist, who in my dream was played by a former supervisor of mine. We had a very Lifetime movie moment where we had these huge breakthroughs where I resisted but he helped me through it. Meanwhile, about several days later, the cult leader (Reese) and I realized that the handcuffs were not even locked, and she went to escape, but I refused. I guess I had been "transformed" and "cured". She accused me of going mainstream, and that it wouldn't last long, and that I would be begging her to let me back into the cult. I kept insisting I had changed, that I had been cured, all due to the kindness of my rehabilitator psychologist. Anyway, she bolted.

Since I had been doing great in my recovery, I was offered the chance to go back in time and erase what had happened, but live a different life. So I chose to go back and be a teacher in the high school I had once terrorized. So I'm now there and other members of the cult were there and also teachers at the school. Erin, I think you taught gym. And apparently my boyfriend was alive and well and teaching history (you'd think I care that he was alive again). So everything is good, until Erin and I realized that the high school has fake walls, and behind it we see the raunchy feminist graffito, but disguised with a new wall facade. Zing! We hadn't gone back in time at all! My kind psychologist had tried to create a fake reality for us! When I thought I was being deprogrammed, he had brainwashed into thinking we were in an alternate reality! Zing!

So that caused us to turn back into the crazy cult gang again to hunt him down (this consisted a lot of running through the streets looking for him, which will probably be edited from the film version). Finally we enlisted the help of an expert investigator, who I believed was played in my dream by Phillip Seymor Hoffman. So then together we tracked down the original psychologist and got our revenge. We all tried to pretend we lived normal lives and weren't in a cult, so we went around trying to do "normal person" activities but got all twitchy and had withdrawal like we were drug addicts or something. I had just decided to succumb to my urges to live as a cult member when some asshole freshman was screaming outside my window at 8 in the morning from his walk of shame.

So, pretty amazing, huh? This definitely sounds like the film version could be directed by either Larry Clark or Michel Gondry. Erin would play herself obviously, Jason Lewis could play himself, and I am thinking Daniel Radcliffe can play Brandon, and maybe Kate Winslet will play me.

Anyway, I wonder if one were to analyze this, what it would mean. Do I have an underlying desire to belong to a cult? Does my trashing of Filene's basement respresent my frustration with society's current obsession with consumerism? The possibilities are endless.

how we are hungry

In read on December 10, 2005 at 8:49 am

Dammit, Dave Eggers is an egomaniacal asshole. Why does his book of short stories need to come with a special imprinted cover with a mysterious symbol and ambiguous content? I guess to symbolize that what is inside is so amazing the reader can't believe it. Well, against what I want to believe, he is a damn good writer. I am not a fan of short stories, but he has the ability to create a complete sense of character depth in a few short pages. And of course, he is the editor of McSweeney's, probably one of the most amazing publications ever. Damn, I want to hate him so much but it is hard.

113422226857872855

In music on December 10, 2005 at 8:41 am

Ok, I’ve been informed there was a problem with this Stellastarr* link, so here is another version, one with more of a dance-esque mix.
http://s60.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1N4OHELGIT9VZ0WBYUB1CTJBCR

Also, another one of my favorites, Metric’s “Soft Rock Star”
http://s58.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0ZX7TDI7D5MHA1X1TMMKS9KXPM

this is a story about a girl named lucky

In links, pop culture goodness on December 10, 2005 at 8:34 am

So this is a piece that will interest only about .5% of you. Some of you read Pink is the New Blog, one of many pop-culture celebrity blogs. Recently it has gotten tons of attention, and its creator is now an instant celebrity. Anyway, I found the site increbible annoying, and nothing is original in content. Also, the guy started letting it get to his head and half the posts were about the t-shirts he was selling and what party he had been to. Anyway, I finally found a good critique by another blogger that is spot on correct.

Again, irrelevant to most, but I take blogging culture very seriously and I am always baffled at the popularity of some blogs. Don't even get me started on Ultragrrrl, who evetyone seems to worship, but I find to be a huge name-dropper.

Ok, irrelevant rant over.

new podcasts

In links, pop culture goodness on December 9, 2005 at 9:25 pm

Some I have been listening to

The Ricky Gervais podcast
they actually talk about social relevant issues with those kicky accents!
(Speaking of, when does Extras come out on DVD?)

Keith and the Girl
I am not sure how I feel about this right now. It's like a poor man's Howard Stern. Yet it is addicting.

Morning Sedition on Air America

fuck you fergie

In consumerism, pop culture goodness, rant on December 9, 2005 at 9:24 pm

o, to aleviate the futility and awkwardness if exchanging gifts with each other, the members of my office "adopt" families for the holidays, in that we are given the ages, gender and wishlists of underprivileged members of a family that we are assigned to buy gifts for. I always push everyone out of the way to sign up to get the preteen girl, so I can finally justify going to that bright pink aisle of Toys R Us and feel like I actually have an excuse to be there other than my own. So, the young girl I am assigned to states that what she wants most is "The My Humps cd by the Black Eyed Peas". Oh, here we go. So what do I do? Do I pass my judgement on an unferprivileged family? Isn't it enough to give someone happiness by giving them the opportunity to get what they want for the holidays when they can barely afford anything? Who am I to force my privileged feminist viewpoints on them?

Well, my moral dilemna was solved when there was a big sale on the My Scene Barbie dolls. Now, I have never heard of these, because my current tastes in Barbie are only limted to the collectibles. So what the fuck? Basically what are girls growing up with now. These are the most shallow messages one could send girls. It's basically a group of teenagers who live in New York City and whose interests lie in fashion, shopping, and being hip. Their heads are abnormally large and they dress like baby prostitutes. For the future of our children and for feminists everywhere, I decided that more research needed to be done, so I took it upon myself to buy the whole set, bring it home, and play with the dolls for hours on end. (I wish that were true).

Anyway, it gets worse. They have a website, and each "character" has a blog, for fucks sake. The best part is that they have these four boys that the group hangs out with, and I think they pass them from bed to bed or something. And they all stand for some sort of stupid archetype of hipness or something. For example:

Here is Sutton's profile:
Sign: Aries
My Look: Black-rimmed glasses, urban and laid back
Fave snack: Fries – I call it "chips"
Fave pastime: making my own music
What I look for in a girl: Someone who's sweet…but can get sassy too!
I'm completely digging nyc. And to brag or anything but I am pretty good with the girls here. My accent helps!

Sounds like a raging 'mo to me. Here's another one, this is from the scruffy indie-rocker type:

River's profile:
Fave music: post-punk scene
My look: total rocker
Get around: Subway (L train)
Fave snack: Tofu dogs…awesome!
What I look for in a girl: Great Smile
I live for music. It's the only way I can really express myself. So I play guitar with a couple different bands. Totally dig it.

What the…I do appreicate the subltel hints that this kid is a spoiled trust fund kid from Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I ended up getting the purposefully-ambiguously-ethnic one, Madison.

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Her profile is priceless:
My style: ultra uptown & urban
Fave accesory: can't pick just one
Fave pastime: Getting manis and pedis…soooo fab!
Perfect Date: Dinner and dancing with a hottie!
I'm all about the clothes. Even if I'm not buying- not that that happens that much- I could spend hours checking things out and trying things on!

Py vey. Why am I taking such an interest in this? I think because I am equally repulsed at the classist and misogynist messages these send young girls, and equally repulsed at myself, because if I was 15 years younger, I would eat this shit up.

Seriously, if I had the time, funds and support, I would love to do an intense study of products and books for young teen girls and what they promotoe for society. Probably based on the fact that I spent countless hours reading cheesy young adult novels and playing with this stuff, and look how fucked up I am!

the Grammys

In Fall Out Boy, music, people, pop culture goodness on December 9, 2005 at 8:10 pm

So I sometimes am interested in music and all that shtuff, but I know the Grammy noms came out recently. This always baffles and bores me. I heard “Hollaback Girl” was nominated. Scuse me? The song that spells out B-A-N-A-N-As? This is what award-winning singwriting is these days? Oh, yea, I think Mariah is nominated. But she is like the Susan Lucci of the Grammys. And WHAT? Fall Out Boy is nominated. Great, now I have to watch the whole ceremony to squeal when they show them in the audience. Anyway, the Grammys could not be more irrelevant to the music world. I am going to leave it to Andrew to follow it more closely.

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In film, links on December 9, 2005 at 5:00 pm

The Santaland Diaries is now a stage show playing in Hartford. Should I even bother? It looks like a one-person play. What's the point? It's like I'm paying 50 bucks for someone to read the book to me.

In other news…they are making a movie version of Dreamgirls? And Beyonce is the star? What's next, a remake of Fiddler on the Roof with Lindsay Lohan and Chad Michael Murray?

Ugh. Kirsten Dunst is back, and she is going to butcher the role of Marie Antionette. Wait, also starring Jason Schwartzmann, Molly Shannon and Steve Coogan? I don't get it.

This is my life: You Knit What???

tunes (kind of)

In music on December 9, 2005 at 4:48 pm

So instead of giving you whole albums today, I'll post some songs that are guaranteed to change your life.

Brand New covers Love Spit Love's "Am I Wrong" (Remember the movie Angus?)
http://s65.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=18MG76I8PUL1I192QFCRD1HSUJ

Midtown "What You Hated"
http://s65.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=12TWGFP5Y9X1Y0W7HLMFCPSDLT

Stellastarr* "Sweet Troubled Soul"
http://s21.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2Z6GUN05UUAEU326H45HBTCOD5
(How could you not want to start a band after hearing that?)

the snake river jump

In consumerism, tv on December 9, 2005 at 4:39 pm

Forget all this Wild Boyz, Viva La Bam, and Homewrecker crap. Before all these boys became MTV whores, there was Jackass. And the show is fantastic. No joke. I know what you are thinking- but don’t. The show is hysterical. It’s when all the morons who copied the stunts started showing up that ruined it. And finally, all the volumes are finally being released.

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How can one forget the infamous snake river jump stunt, which makes me think back to my first few months in DC when Alli and I would kick it in Pentagon City and watch this over and over.

tunes

In music on December 8, 2005 at 4:55 pm

Viva Voce- The Heat Can Melt Your Brain
http://s62.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3F96H7E0YY1BN0Q7GNJ029A1MV

Best Movie Mistakes of 2005

In film on December 8, 2005 at 4:45 pm

01. Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith: On Utapau, when Obi-wan faces off with Grievous, Grievous sends 4 magma droids at Obi-wan. Obi-wan force-pulls something from the ceiling to crush the droids. But in the ensuing fight between Obi-wan and Grievous afterwards, the ceiling thing and crushed droids are gone.

02. Mr. And Mrs. Smith: The movie is supposed to take place in and around New York City, however during the car chase where Angelina and Brad are fighting off the three BMW's, a wide shot clearly shows a street sign announcing Los Angeles.

03. Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire: After Wormtail performs the Avada Kedavra curse and then raises the "bone of the father," he places Voldemort's wand inside the left side of his coat, before he slices off his right hand. When Voldemort says, "My wand Wormtail," Wormtail retrieves the wand from the right side of his coat.

04. Alone In The Dark: When the team descends to the bottom of a hole and one female member is first wounded and then dies. After checking her pulse, the others pronounce her dead and begin moving out. As the last one is leaving, the "dead" actress lifts her head up off the ground and looks left.

05. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory: In the scene in the glass elevator, when Mike Teavee wants to push a button, he presses the TV Room button. The elevator stops going down and immediately moves horizontally. The characters within the elevator are thrown against the wall from the sudden change. However, they are thrown against the wall that is in the direction the elevator is now moving, instead of the opposite wall as they should have been.

06. War Of The Worlds: When Ray and the kids are hiding out in the mom's basement, they take cover in a small utility room that goes pitch black when Ray shuts the door – even though there are windows above the girl's head that emit light before he shuts the door and after he opens it to leave.

07. Fantastic Four: In the scene where the Torch flies the first time (when being chased by the rocket), check the 4 on his chest. It's the wrong way. Obviously this shot was flipped.

08. Assault On Precint 13: When Beck is shot outside the Precinct, from the front view he has no exit wound on his forehead. Yet when he lands on the snow a few seconds later, an exit wound has appeared.

09. Wedding Crashers: In the scene where all of the guys go hunting, after it shows Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn talking, in the next shot all of them are in a row and it's panning down. Through the leaves of the tree in the foreground, if you look closely at the trunk of a tree, you can see a mans elbow and part of his head sticking out from beside the trunk.

10. Elektra: When Elektra closes her cell phone on McCabe, a dial tone can be heard. Cell phones don't have dial tones. Even if they did, Elektra hung up, so nothing would be heard.

11. The Longest Yard: When Adam Sandler reverses into the police car, he damages the Bentley he is driving at the back end. When the police chase him, the back end is not damaged at all.

12. The Island: Gandu Three Echo, the clone who hits the screen showing the first lottery winner in the movie, complains that he has been around for 7 years and never won the lottery. However, McCord explains later in the movie that the last name tells how old the clones are. Lincoln Six Echo is 3 years old because he is in the Echo generation, and the Delta generation (Jordan Two Delta) is 4 years old. Going backwards, this would make Charlies 5 years old, Bravos 6 years old, and Alphas 7 years old. Gandu Three Echo should have really been Gandu Three Alpha.

13. Kingdom Of Heaven: When the Muslim armies approach Brendan Gleason's castle there is a side shot of the Muslims army coming to a halt. You can see the marker stake with yellow tape at the top (used during production as a mark).

14. Their Eyes Were Watching God: There is a brief shot of a couple driving through the streets near Eatonville, Florida. In the background a mountain is visible. There are no mountains in Florida.

15. Constantine: When Constantine manage to get the mirror through the window he falls on his back. To the right on the screen a chair lies on the floor beside a dresser. A few shots later when it cuts to Constantine getting up we can see the chair has changed position as its back now covers the opening of the dresser.

from here

113407823961390152

In film on December 8, 2005 at 4:42 pm

Will Middle America Embrace a Gay Love Story?

LOS ANGELES (Dec. 8) – It has wowed film festivals, won rave reviews and sparked Oscar buzz, but when "Brokeback Mountain," a.k.a. the gay cowboy movie, begins playing to general audiences Friday, it faces its toughest challenge yet — wooing mainstream America.

Two of Hollywood's hottest leading men, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, risk alienating fans and sending their stars plummeting if, after watching the pair have sex on screen, audiences cannot see them any other way than gay.

Winning over middle America is important for the roughly $12.5 million movie because its backer, art house specialist Focus Features, wants a big box office and wider exposure for the film's themes of love, friendship and family ties.

Two other films built around gay subjects this season, "Transamerica" and "Breakfast on Pluto," have gained critical attention but they have less at stake in terms of costs and star power.

Gyllenhaal and Ledger say they are less concerned about their futures than the film's, which was directed by Ang Lee and based on Annie Proulx's story about two cowboys who meet in 1963 wrangling sheep in Wyoming and form a bond that transcends time and transforms their lives.

Ledger, 26, said he was both anxious and curious to see whether audiences will view the movie as a gay romance or, as its makers want, simply a romance.

"I have my hopes held high in terms of the level of maturity in today's society," he said. "I think people are a lot smarter than we are giving them credit for being."

Gyllenhaal, who turns 25 this month, added in a separate interview: "The issues are much bigger than sexuality."

Both said their decisions to take the roles were spurred by the desire to work with Lee, director of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," because he would treat the material with humanity.

COWBOYS OUT OF CLOSET?

Ledger, whose career has suffered from several recent flops, also said the role gave him the opportunity to mature. "If you just be safe about the choices you make, you don't grow," he said.

European audiences got their first look at "Brokeback" at September's Venice Film Festival in Italy where it won the Golden Lion prize for best film. The movie also wowed audiences at September's Toronto International Film Festival.

Critics have raved. Roger Ebert told Reuters: "Brokeback will become the kind of movie that you hear about at dinner parties that you feel you have to go see."

There is Oscar talk for best movie; Lee for best director and Ledger for best actor.

All the acclaim has created a strong early buzz.

"Brokeback" starts in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco Friday, then expands to 23 U.S. cities on Dec. 16. It will add theaters after a few weeks based on audience demand.

But many industry watchers are skeptical of its crossover potential in a country divided into conservative states mostly in mid-America and the South and liberal states on the coasts.

"The general public has proven over and over again that it will reward great movies with strong sales," said John Barker, president of DZP Marketing Communications.

"(But) we should probably recognize there are some areas and some groups that will oppose this film."

So far, however, "Brokeback" has not sparked any protests at advanced screenings, and there is some statistical support that there may growing tolerance for gay lifestyles.

In August, the Pew Research Center released a poll showing 53 percent of Americans supported gay civil unions, up from 48 percent one year earlier when the topic of gay marriage was roiling the U.S. presidential election.

There is precedent for a solid box office, too. Although mainly about an AIDS sufferer, 1993's "Philadelphia" brought in $77 million in North America and earned an Oscar for Tom Hanks.

And now, like a rodeo rider waiting in the chute to tame a bucking Bronco, "Brokeback Mountain," is ready to roll out.

i love the drama

In links on December 8, 2005 at 4:08 pm

Ann Coulter to audience: You're stupider than I am

STORRS, Connecticut (AP) — Conservative columnist Ann Coulter cut short a speech at the University of Connecticut amid boos and jeers, and decided to hold a question-and-answer session instead.

"I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am," Coulter told the crowd of 2,600 Wednesday.

Before cutting off her speech after about 15 minutes, Coulter called Bill Clinton an "executive buffoon" who won the presidency only because Ross Perot took 19 percent of the vote.

Coulter's appearance prompted protests from several student groups. About 100 people rallied outside the auditorium where she spoke, saying she spread a message of intolerance.

"We encourage diverse opinion at UConn, but this is blatant hate speech," said Eric Knudsen, a 19-year-old sophomore journalism and social welfare major who heads campus group Students Against Hate.

It wasn't the first time Coulter has had trouble at a university speech. In October 2004, two men ran onstage and threw custard pies as she was giving a speech at the University of Arizona.

UConn junior Kareem Mohni, 20, said he was disgusted by his peers' reaction to Coulter.

"It really appalled me that we're not able to come together as a group and listen to a different view in a respectful environment," Mohni said.

tunes

In music on December 7, 2005 at 1:24 pm

As requested, here is Imperial Teen's Seasick:

http://www.easy-sharing.com/139913/Seasick.rar.html

THe Comas- Conductor
http://www.easy-sharing.com/139965/Conductor.rar.html

And here's one that is good for a laugh:
Lindsay Lohan covering "Edge of Seventeen"

the wranglers

In eye candy, film on December 7, 2005 at 9:09 am

So some of you don't really care, or maybe don't enjoy two very good looking men involved in what looks like a very artistic movie (and a tearjerker), so I will only post the links so those of you that are interested (oh, and I know who you are).

Check the Heath/Jake lovefest here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here.

Sorry, there may have been some repeats in there. I got kind of dizzy while posting those.

I love how immedately after doing this movie, he had to immediately impregnate his female costar and then do a movie about the greatest womanizer in history. We get it Heath. You like the chicks.

Of course, the movie is playing nowhere near me in Connecticut. I hate life.

one of those days

In eye candy, pop culture goodness on December 7, 2005 at 8:38 am

Hot:


(It's Cillian Murphy)

So not hot:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

(Superman promo pics. How fucking stupid does this look)

tunes

In music on December 6, 2005 at 4:07 pm

Yea, so A.F.I. is a good fucking punk band. You might remember their most recent album, which was basically commercially produced and sounded like Nickelback. But, before that, their stuff was the original stuff the goths listened to before the goths hung out at the mall at Hot Topic. Hammers, pay attention. Here are two albums, "Very Proud of Ya" and "Answer That and Stay Fashionable"

http://www.quickdump.com/files/group/344365581,1346087557.html

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Oh, ok, Steve Burns is one bad mofo and has a pretty good album, called Songs for Dustmites, upload here:
http://www.quickdump.com/files/1964361952.html

Here's how he looks now:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

However, he might looks more familiar to you in this one:

Yea, it's the dude from Blue's Clues. Surprisingly, the album is good.

SONG SALE £70M FOR COURTNEY

In Nirvana, music, pop culture goodness on December 6, 2005 at 1:59 pm

ROCK widow Courtney Love will net £70million by selling her late husband Kurt Cobain’s songs.

The actress and rock singer is selling a quarter of the Nirvana frontman’s back catalogue to disgraced US lifestyle guru Martha Stewart.

Released from jail this year after five months for insider trading, Stewart wants the songs as an investment.

A friend said: “It’s an astonishing deal. It sorts out Courtney financially.”

best of lists

In music on December 6, 2005 at 1:53 pm

This is the time of year when everyone has their "best of" lists. Hey, don't forget about mine. Here is another list of albums with some mp3s of each.

Speaking of, I've uploaded Duel at Dawn. I will have to insert it in my list somewhere.

http://www.quickdump.com/files/766901223.html

Ford Motors is homophobic

In rant on December 6, 2005 at 1:51 pm

From here:

UPDATE: Some initial contact info for Ford's public relation's people. Let's fill their voice mail boxes over the weekend. Ask them if they'd pull all their advertising in black media or Jewish media if the Klan gave them a call:

Contact: Rosemary Mariniello, Jaguar Land Rover North America, (201) 818-8010
Contact: Jim Cain, Ford Division, (313) 248-6288
Contact: Sara Tatchio, Lincoln and Mercury, (313) 594-3744
Contact: Roger Ormisher, Volvo Cars of North America, Inc., (800) 970-0888
Contact: George Pipas, Ford Motor Company, (313) 323-9216
Contact: Dan Bedore, Ford Division, (313) 323-7045

Well, we just got our new campaign. Ford needs to be taught a lesson. If they think they're above the fray and too big to be influenced by the mean homosexuals, they ought to give Bill Gates a call and see what happened to Microsoft when they endorsed outright bigotry in order to appease America's Taliban.

In a nutshell, the rabid homophobes at the American Family Association threatened Ford with a boycott earlier this year because they were advertising in the gay press. Suddenly in June the AFA called off their threatened boycott because local Ford dealers had contacted the national Ford office and, apparently, suggested Ford might be amenable to working out a deal. Now we find out that Ford is pulling its gay ads and that Ford even tells the Advocate that the AFA's press release claiming credit for this entire thing is accurate.

Ford wants to dance with bigots, that's fine. But you don't get to do that in the year 2005 and remain a prosperous company in America.

I want phone numbers and email contacts for all of Ford's top executives and public relations people. Go to it folks.

More from the Advocate:
The antigay American Family Association claimed a cultural victory on Thursday and called off its threatened boycott of Ford Motor Co. On Friday, Ford spokesman Mike Moran confirmed to Advocate.com that the company will stop advertising its Jaguar and Land Rover brands in gay publications but insisted it was strictly a business decision.

The Dearborn, Mich., automaker came under fire from the AFA in May for its longtime efforts to increase LGBT workplace diversity and support gay rights causes. Ford has long been a regular advertiser within gay media, including The Advocate, and has donated significant sums to LGBT causes and nonprofit groups such as the Human Rights Campaign.

Threatened with a boycott by the Mississippi-based AFA, Ford and some of its dealers agreed to negotiate, and the AFA announced in June that it would hold off on its planned action. On Thursday, AFA announced the boycott would be canceled altogether.

"They've heard our concerns; they are acting on our concerns. We are pleased with where we are," said Donald Wildmon, AFA’s chairman, in a statement. "Obviously there are still some small matters of difference, as people will always have, but generally speaking, we are pleased with the results—and therefore the boycott that had been suspended [is] now officially ended."

Specific terms of any formal agreement between the AFA and Ford—and whether any such agreement has in fact been reached—remain unclear.

When first contacted, Ford spokesman Moran referred Advocate.com to the AFA statement, suggesting that the company had no disagreement with Wildmon's assertions. In a second conversation he confirmed that the company would no longer advertise Jaguar and Land Rover products in the gay media, saying that the decision was strictly "business."
More info, here is Ford's Board of Directors. Anyone got contact info:

Sir John R. H. Bond
Ellen R. Marram
Stephen G. Butler
Homer A. Neal
Kimberly A. Casiano
Jorma Ollila
Edsel B. Ford II
James J. Padilla
William Clay Ford, Jr.
Carl E. Reichardt
Irvine O. Hockaday, Jr.
Robert E. Rubin
Marie-Josée Kravis
John L. Thornton
Richard A. Manoogian

113389495263480329

In links, pop culture goodness on December 6, 2005 at 1:45 pm

This is fun.
The Forbe's fictional 15 most richest people. My favorite:

Oliver Warbucks
Age: 52
Source: Defense Industries
Net Worth: $10 Billion
Hometown: New York
Marital Status: Divorced, 1 child

Orphaned at age 11 when mother died of typhoid fever. Fiercely competitive, patriotic and philanthropic. Made first million by 21. Patented Lazarus process for pumping oil from seemingly dry wells that helped save America from 1970s energy crisis. Shortly thereafter, adopted daughter Annie kidnapped by Sheik Bahd-Simel. Shot and nearly killed during privately financed rescue. Recently took defense contractor Warbucks Worldwide on strange diversification ride with unprecedented string of acquisitions. New interests include magazine publishing, computer software, airlines, diamond mining, distilling, TV and feature film production, tacos, plastics and cat food. Eyebrows raised after corporate headquarters moved to Mexican state of Quintana Roo. Publicity men dismiss as bizarre persistent rumors that company is being run by a body double while the real "Daddy" hunts terrorists in the Central Asian country of Ratznestistan. Member since 1924. –Arik Hesseldahl

113389457908775162

In people on December 6, 2005 at 1:42 pm

Sometimes my friends really disturb me.
http://erinqhammersworshippage.blogspot.com/

113382155910519534

In nothing special on December 5, 2005 at 5:25 pm


You're Waiting for Godot!

by Samuel Beckett

Many people think you're extremely dull, but you're just trying to
patient. Really patient. Patient to the point of absurdity, quite frankly. Whatever
you're waiting for isn't going to just come along, so you can stop waiting. I promise.
Move on with your life. Change of scenery might do you good. Heck, any scenery might
do you good. In the meantime, you do make for very interesting conversation.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

question

In Fall Out Boy, tv on December 4, 2005 at 11:29 pm

Did anyone watch the Big in ‘05 awards on VH1? Basically I am just interested in Fall Out Boy’s performance.

old people can be so sweet.

In film on December 4, 2005 at 10:36 pm

So my I just made my mother a Netlix friend, so we can look at what movies each of us has rated, recommend movies to each other, and see what each other has watched [insert record scratch here]. Um, this may be embarassing. Here is what my mother has on her rental queue:

1 The Incredibles
2 The 40-Year-Old Virgin
3 Shall We Dance?
4 March of the Penguins
5 Cinderella Man
6 A Home at the End of the World
7 Garden State

WHAT? I feel like I was adopted. What the hell? My mother wants to see the 40-year old virgin? And Garden State? I feel like they just told me I was adopted or that I am really the neighbor's child. Ugh, I have to save them from a life of mediocrity.

What's worse is that she can see what I have rented. For instance, I wonder if she will wonder why I watched The Pillow Book? Or why everything in my queue is from the gay and lesbian section, and deals with British schoolboys. Well, I'm exaggerating. Oh my, and I was planning on watching the unrated version of Showgirls. I feel so exposed.

Fw:

In film on December 4, 2005 at 10:28 pm

So, my suoervisor just discovered the joy of email forwards. Someone didn't tell her it's not 1997. This one is lame, but it gave me a chuckle. And I need all the chuckles I can get.

>

> 26 Things the Movies Taught You…

>

> 1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the

> price range of most people–whether they are employed or not.

>

> 2) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

> 3) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut.

> You will always choose the right one.

> 4) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the

> communications system of any invading alien society.

> 5) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight

> involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you

> one by one by dancing around in a threatening ma! nner until you have

> knocked out their predecessors.

>

> 6) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your

> bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

>

> 7) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world

> expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

> 8) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down

> three days before their retirement.

> 9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their

> arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley

> systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow

> their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

>

> 10) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit

> level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

>

> 11) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of F! rench

> bread.

> 12) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone

> in the control tower to talk you down.

> 13) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off–even while scuba diving.

> 14) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you

> make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back

> home.

>

> 15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian

> officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or

> Russian accent will do.

>

> 16) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

> 17) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating,

> but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

>

> 18) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown

> through it before long.

> 19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any

&g!

t; strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

> 20) Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always

> say: “Enter Password Now.”

> 21) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary

> to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few

> moments.

>

> 22) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large

> red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

>

> 23) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from

> duty.

> 24) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet

> will know all the steps.

> 25) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make

> sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total

> opposite.

>

> 26) When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to

> speak to each other in English.

>

>

113371347670882672

In consumerism, music on December 4, 2005 at 11:12 am

Godammit, it's snowing outside. Wow, blogging about the weather is so interesting. But, everytime it snows I die a little inside because: I can't drive anywhere because my tires are like tires made for a huffy bike, I have to tuck my jeans into my boots, which is so unflattering, and my sinuses decide they want to be free from my body and try to twist themselves inside out.

I got my mp3 recorder, I went with the Creative MuVu. It's so gosh-darn cute!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Here are some up and coming bands that I think are pretty fricking sweet. Drop these names and you will look so cool.

The Editors- Interpol should sue them for stealing their sound
Mommy and Daddy- this is what the Fiery Furnaces would sound like if they were bad-ass
THe Subways- your typical Sub-Pop band.

I've gotten a lot of requests lately, and tomorrow I will try to upload the new albu, from the Elected, the Strokes, Ryan Adams, ans maybe ome others.

Jeez, was anyone going to inform me that the White Stripes were on the Daily Show? What kind of friends are you?

the answers

In music on December 3, 2005 at 8:24 pm

you were all up in this, so now I have the list of final answers.

1. Matchbox Twenty
2. Alice in Chains
3. The Rolling Stones
4. The Pixies
5. Led Zeppelin
6. Smashing Pumpkins
7. Black Flag
8. Pet Shop Boys
9. Guns n' Roses
10. Blind Melon
11. Spoon
12. Garbage
13. Blur
14. Hole
15. Crowded House
16. U2
17. Gorillaz
18. Scissor Sisters
19. Phish
20. Queen
21. Cake
22. Skinny Puppy
23. Nine Inch Nails
24. Red Hot Chili Peppers
25. Dead Kennedys
26. White Zombie
27. KISS
28. The Cars
29. Green Day
30. Blondie
31. The Beach Boys
32. The Killers
33. Radiohead
34. Madonna
35. Seal
36. Sex Pistols
37. Cowboy Junkies
38. Bee Gees
39. RATT
40. The Roots
41. Prince
42. The Lemonheads
43. Twisted Sister
44. Iron Maiden
45. Korn
46. Great White
47. Cypress Hill
48. 50 Cent
49. Eminem
50. The Postal Service
51. Jewel
52. Pavement
53. The Police
54. Deep Purple
55. Talking Heads
56. Go-Go's
57. The Doors
58. Eagles
59. The Carpenters
60. Cornershop
61. Scorpions
62. Black Crowes
63. Pink
64. White Stripes
65. Cranberries
66. Eels
67. Whitesnake
68. B-52s
69. Dinosaur JR
70. Yellowman
71. The Cult
72. 311
73. Jane's Addiction
74. D12

flying cats = always cute

In animals on December 3, 2005 at 3:32 pm

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

if you’re hip like that

In music on December 3, 2005 at 3:27 pm

So here is some zip files of what NME considers the best songs of the year. If you make this a playlist on your ipod, you will be an insta-hipster.

http://tinyurl.com/cv9wy

i’ve come to love the demi-urge

In film on December 3, 2005 at 3:02 pm

So, I waited 10 years for the Aeon Flux movie to come out. And I am completely underwhelmed. It seems Peter Chung had no input whatsoever. It was like he handed over his ideas and character names, took his big chunk of Hollywood change, and went off to buy hookers and blow.
Some things.
-Very nice stylistic aspects- did Stella McCartney design the costumes?
-The plot was basically the same as ever other lame ass sci-fi movoe. Cloning? Ok, we get the allegory. CLoning people and killing unborn babies is wrong. We get it.
-In the series, Aeon uses the fact that Trevor is obsessed with her to manipulate him to get what she wants. Not what she does in the movie, is swoon and compromise everything she believes in so she can be with him. Duh.
-They didn't show Mart0n Czockas and Johnny Lee Miller making out. Which was a damn shame.
-Frances MacDormand, please return your Oscar for participating in this movie.
-It needed to include more "creatures", like the Nargyles and the Seraphtryns.
-What would have bee so fricking sweet if they did this Sin-City style, divided into vignettes based on episodes.

113363890453413710

In consumerism on December 3, 2005 at 2:37 pm

Ok, so my respect for Apple has been truly raised. I was having some problems with my ipod, so I brought it to the so-called "genius bar" at the store and within 10 minutes they just handed me a new ipod. Wh-wh-what? Just because I bought it within the last year.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

It is a refurbished one, but it looks new to me, so who cares?

Althought it too 2 + hours to reload 12,000 + songs.

kdbfsdikgbiwebbEQJQB

In The Strokes, consumerism, rant on December 3, 2005 at 9:15 am

Happy early Chanukkah to me…I just got an advance copy of the NEW STROKES ALBUM! At least this will give me another reason to live, at least for a while.

“Between this and the anti-depressants, I think I am going to make it another year.”- Trudy Weigel

I am off to a suicide mission to Costco during a huge shopping weekend. Hope I get out alive.

tunes

In music on December 2, 2005 at 9:11 am

As requested!

Jenny Lewis & the Watson twins – Rabbit Fur Coat (the solo album from the singer of Rilo Kiley)
http://d.turboupload.com/d/185414/jenny.zip.html

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Goblet of Fire Soundtrack
http://www.easy-sharing.com/132435/hp.zip.html

Rent movie soundtrack
http://s38.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1JHHJ7N7OJ2AC10GMTO4CFQIN2

113349507559644793

In consumerism on December 1, 2005 at 10:41 pm

I'm in the market for a portable mp3 recorder. Why? Oh, I don't know. Maybe to do a podcast….or something.

I'm thinking about this one.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Anyone have any suggestions?

bah humbug

In links on December 1, 2005 at 10:13 pm

Homeless for the holidays Katrina display draws ire

Wednesday, November 30, 2005; Posted: 11:27 a.m. EST (16:27 GMT)
METAIRIE, Louisiana (AP) — It's no ordinary holiday season in the Gulf Coast this year, so Frank Evans built an unconventional holiday display at a suburban New Orleans shopping mall to match.

He thought the tiny blue-tarped roofs, little toppled fences and miniature piles of hurricane debris in the display he builds annually for the mall struck just the right humorous tone.

The mall disagreed and told Evans, a landscape architect from nearby Gretna, to dismantle it.

"Although most people did enjoy the decorations, a few customers found the display to be in poor taste," said a statement issued Tuesday night by Lakeside Shopping Center in Metairie.

Evans videotaped the 60-foot display before dismantling it. The creation had sat since mid-November among a grand, more traditional display of gleaming Christmas trees, colorful gifts wrapped in holiday paper and Santa's elves on carousel horses.

Bob and Jill Patin of Gentilly liked the "You Loot, We Shoot" graffiti on one of the ruined refrigerators.

"It's priceless," Jill Patin said. The couple, who are rebuilding their home that had wind and flood damage, came to the mall just to see the display, she said. And they weren't alone.

Kim Koster heard about it and brought her camera. "It's like putting Christmas lights up on your FEMA trailer. It just makes you feel better," said the New Orleans resident, whose home was flooded.

As children rode by on a motorized train that circled the display, Ray Smith and his wife, Marcia, chuckled at the "Caution — Operates Only in Good Weather" sign next to a model of a Jefferson Parish pumping station. It was a wry reference to a decision by Jefferson Parish president Aaron Broussard to evacuate pump operators before Katrina hit on August 29, inundating the area.

"At times like this, you need a little humor," Ray Smith said

WHY DO I EVEN CARE?

In music, pop culture goodness on December 1, 2005 at 9:59 pm

Hah! Daniel Radcliffe is too punk rock for y'all. He was obsessed with punk when he was 12, so all you better fuck off. He is punk! He is gonna fuck you up! Don't fuck with him!

THE ALBUM THAT MADE ME WHO I AM
The Sex Pistols
Never Mind the Bollocks
“I love real punk — not Avril Lavigne, who thinks wearing a tie is punk. This is my favorite album of all time, and I got into it during the filming of Harry Potter 2, when I was 12. I was obsessed with punk back then. If the Beatles were a phenomenon, then the Sex Pistols were a revolution. Punk is about rebellion, about not caring what other people think of you, and being free. And it’s not about fighting. I don’t fight. I don’t spit, either.”

And more:
THE ALBUM THAT GETS ME INTO CHARACTER
The Arcade Fire

What a little shit.

I love mash-ups

In music on December 1, 2005 at 5:13 pm

Queen mixed with 50 Cent.
Get it here.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

yo ho yo ho

In film on December 1, 2005 at 2:21 pm

Next, on UPN

In people, tv on December 1, 2005 at 2:13 pm

I just stumbled across this again and piddled myself.

B.R.A.T.S. Ultimate Fan Club

It's the fake UPN show that Andrew developed. I think it was about police officers who go undercover as high school students. And then in later episodes they worked at a night club.

Did anyone catch Made last night? The kid was so out of control, and I knew John would appreciate it. So I called him and guess what? He was already watching it. That made me so happy. Anyway, the kid is now a celeb and has a myspace profile.

The Onion is funnneeeeee

In links on December 1, 2005 at 11:22 am

Why Can't Anyone Tell I'm Wearing This Business Suit Ironically?
By Noah Frankovitch
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

Is it my fault none of you stupid conformists can understand how hilarious and ironic my cutting-edge fashion sense is? In 1986, I was the first kid in the neighborhood to wear a Mr. Bubble iron-on T-shirt from the '70s. I was only 10, but I was soaring over people's heads. In high school, I was the only guy to wear Adam And The Ants war paint to the senior prom—even though it was the early '90s. Those fools looked at me like I was 10 or 12 years behind! In college, the trucker-hat concept was my masterstroke. Within a few years, everybody was doing it, but by that time, I had so moved on.

Well, now I'm 25, and I'm still leaving all you idiots in mysteriously tongue-in-cheek fashion dust.

About five years ago, I was growing bored with the whole neo-'80s electroclash look that I had mastered years earlier. I figured, why not go all out and take the concept of ironic fashion to the extreme? Just do something so risky and completely out there that it would blow people's minds. So I dreamed up the suit idea. It was like, just create the squarest possible look and run with it. And I was hardcore about it, too. A lesser man might have just snagged a cheap suit at Goodwill, but I went all out, choosing a conservative, gray three-button suit and having it fitted by the best tailor in town. I even had my hair cut in a short, non-descript style parted to the side. I mean, who the hell does that? I looked like a fucking senator!

Fresh from the tailor's in my new suit, I hit all the hippest spots, just waiting for the scenesters' jaws to drop at my sheer audacity. To make sure the irony was pitch-perfect, I got the matching shoes, the cuff links, everything—I even matched my silk socks to my eye color and the accents in my tie! I could barely keep a straight face! But in every single bar, club, and after-hours house party I went to, I got the same reaction—everybody just treated me like some kind of lame-o. They looked at me like I wasn't supposed to be there.

I initially thought maybe they were jealous, but then it dawned on me—they literally thought I was dressed like that for real! Ha! Couldn't these morons get a simple joke? It's like, "Hel-lo… If you have to explain it…"

I resolved then and there to stick it to the mainstream and adopt this bullshit suit as my signature look. If I knuckled under and went back to my drainpipe trousers and Chucks, I'd just be selling out. Nope. If anything, I was gonna take it further. I perfected the look until it was as hilarious as it could possibly be. No expense was spared—if I cut corners, I wouldn't be doing the joke justice. So I got a leather Hermes attaché case, and I filled it with— you guessed it—actual legal briefs! And my watch? Lame-ass TAG Heuer. Most expensive one I could find. Is that the avant-garde of hipness, or what?

But people still didn't get it. Nobody cracked up when they saw me at Yeah Yeah Yeahs shows. If anything, they seemed to avoid me. One of my now ex-friends even called me a sellout. WTF? He worked for a fucking graphics design firm. I was standing right there in my goddamn suit, for Christ's sake. It's not my fault if some jerks can't handle the extreme and total "fuck you" of my next-level fashion statement.

I took it further. I moved out of my Williamsburg loft (so 10 years ago anyway) and put a down-payment on an Upper East Side co-op. Uniformed black doorman and everything. Hilarious! Then, on a lark, I applied for a job at this hysterical corporate law firm called Gorman, Gorman, Hensler, and Stein, and—this is the kicker—I actually got the job!

I figured I'd fake the law gag long enough to get my first paycheck, then totally blow off these cheese-asses and frame my uncashed check as an irony trophy. Well, I did that… But then, when people still failed to pick up the joke and more and more weeks went buy without me getting fired, the paychecks started to pile up and I figured, "What the hell? Might as well cash these extra ones." I had to, really, to pay for all this expensive ironic shit.

But what good is all this hilarity if there's no one else hip enough to appreciate it? On the 8:12 a.m. commuter train, everybody just assumes I'm one of them. So does my secretary, my assistant, and every single one of my colleagues at the law firm, where I'm now a partner. I even married this clueless girl from Connecticut—loves shopping and everything—and we have two ironic kids. I swear, they look like something out of a creepy 1950s Dick And Jane reader—I even have these hilarious silver-framed pictures of them in my cheesy corner office. But still, the humor is lost on everybody but me. I'm probably the most fashionable guy on the planet at this point, but no one understands. God! Do you have any idea how difficult it is being so far ahead of your time? Some days, it's enough to make me want to embrace conformity like all the other sheep.

But who am I kidding? Living on the cutting edge of irony is in my blood, man! I couldn't go straight if I tried!