ad hoc.

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It’s time for the worst of the worst!

Electric Six, I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master
Wtf. This band was a novelty act with that song “Danger! High Voltage!” about 4 years ago. Someone forgot to tell them to stop making albums.

Evanescence, The Open Door
When your founder and main songwriter leaves the band, that should be a hint. But no, Amy Lee decides she needs to continue to be the real life version of Emily the Strange and “write” deep songs about her ex-boyfriend from shitty bands and try to write about being depressed with a song called “Lithium”. Shit, I doubt that she even knows who Nirvana is.

Good Charlotte, Good Morning Revival
Sure, GC may be an easy target, but let’s not forget, their earlier album was actually on my best of 2000s list. But when you knock up Nicole Richie and hang out at the Ivy, where does your motivation to write songs come from? What do you even write about? You get this where they “experiement” with “rapping” and seem to take themselves way too seriously.

Joanna Newsom, Joanna Newsom and the Ys Street Band
This is the biggest example of The Emperor’s New Clothes of music of the year. Makes my ears bleed maggots.

I finally caught up on all the flashback clips from Battlestar. Young Bill Adama- not too shabby. I’ve uploaded them with good quality too.

Read the rest of this entry »

Planet in Peril: what a trifecta of attractiveness. Andy, Jeff and Sanjay hang out together in the wilderness. Was this executive-produced by Perv Out?

What would Jesus buy? Morgan Spurlock does seem to be the new (and better) Michael Moore.

Q: How excited am I for The Dark Knight movie? A: very very very. Seems that there has been a really intricate viral campaign going on, including lots of “fake” websites about Gotham City. Check out:

We Are the Answer

The Gotham Times

Gotham City Rail 

Why So Serious 

Gotham Unified School District 

Gotham Cab Company 

Acme Security Systems 

Gotham Victims Advocate Foundation

Genius!

I really didn’t think I could love the White Stripes more. New video for one of my favorite tracks. If you don’t realize the awesomeness of the Stripes or find Jack White’s pale androgyny incredibly hot, then I don’t think I can speak with you anymore.

Thanksgiving weekend: the time when lots of Americans go out and exercise mass consumerism. This year I actually managed to buy nothing this weekend (except more cat food and toilet paper. So sue me.) This is a weekend where I consume mass amounts of pop culture.

Watched Hairspray on dvd. I was actually dreading it, because I had really low expectations. As far as broadway musical to movie adapatations, I had both Rent and The Producers on my mind. However, I was pleasnatly surprised. Nikki Blonsky was fantastic, unfortunately this is probably the only role she is ever going to get. Amanda Bynes, when given the right role, is actually quite hilarious. The adult cast, except for James Marsden, was pretty sub-par. And John Travolta was absolutely horrendous. First, he looked hella scary, and what the fuck was with the accent he put on? Was he trying to do a Baltimore accent? Zac Efron was actually quite adorable too, and I am not saying that because he is Zac Efron. I think he could even try his hand on Broadway, his dancing is pretty good. Here are my complaints: of course the movie couldn’t include every musical number from the show, but they left out the best ones! “Mama I’m a big girl now” could have showcased more of Penny and Amber, who now seemed like peripheral characters. “The Big Dollhouse” is one of my favorite numbers too, but they actually changed the plot to where Tracey does not go to jail. Link’s “It Takes Two” was on the soundtrack but not in the movie. Or did I maybe miss it? It could have been a huge Zefron moment. The movie also suffered from what the musical did: the first two thirds of the movie were great, and then the last third really lagged. If I had to put my thoughts to a mathematical formula,

John Waters’ original movie version > the Broadway stage version > the 2007 movie

Also finished Heroes, and I know I am going to disappoint a lot of you by saying this, but somehow it just didn’t do it for me. I really thrive on character development, and the only character I really felt I saw develop was Sylar (and I am not just saying that because I lurve Zachary Quinto). I felt like the whole season unraveled into a web of significant plot twists, and every five seconds we learn that a character is not what they seem. Dun dun dunnnn….Mr. Bennett is not trying to kill the Heroes, he’s really protecting them…dun dun dunnnn…Nathan is really Claire’s father…dun dun dunnnn…Nathan and mom are really behind the NYC explosion….it was fun to figure out, but didn’t suck me into the lives of everyone. And quite frankly, I am getting really sick of Milo Ventimiglia’s bangs. I am glad he cuts his hair in season 2. And as I have said a million times before, Heroes is a total ripoff of The 4400, who was able to keep the story going with character development.

I also watched The Girl Next Door, which, believe it or not, is a pretty kickass movie. I think it was marketed as a teen sex romp, but really it is not. Really awesome use of a soundtrack as well. And, as mentioned, Enchanted and BSG: Razor. Also got a crapload of music, but really haven’t had a chance to listen to it.

Against my better judgement I saw Enchanted. Oh hell, who am I fooling, I intiated the whole outting. I needed something totally mindless and entertaining. Although I swore off Disney movies forever, I figured a Disney movie that makes fun of Disney movies would be good. They really did have a go at themselves, and the beginning animated sequence included every cliche in Disney movies. I am not sure if the kiddies will get the sardonic respresentation, but oh well. However, in true Disney fascism, they are equal opportunity offenders, where they showed stereotypes of “supposed” Middle Eastern cab drivers, angry black women, horny gay men, and practically crucifed the chipmonk. The whole love story thing made me cynical too- how did they really end up together? Does she even use the bathroom? How do they explain their relationship to people? And I don’t think that was part of the irony. Also, I am over Patrick Dempsey at the heartthrob. I was kind of on the bandwagon when he made his comeback, but I’m over it. I think they should totally re-release Loverboy.

But James Marsden, be still my heart, totally played the dumb prince to perfection. Check out the tights! My obsession with him is growing. I also saw Hairspray this weekend and passed a couple of Gap ads with him in it as well. His bone structure can solve world peace.

Watched Battlestar Galactica: Razor last night. I was a little underwhelmed, but overall was giddy just to experience some new BSG stuff. This Kendra Shaw didn’t really do it for me. Her dead eyes and Angelina Jolie method of acting annoyed me. Although, we do get to see the crap that Admiral Cain pulled on Pegasus after the initial attack. Although is was supposed to take place within the BSG timeline, doncha think that she would have been mentioned in the other eps? I guess that’s the beauty of being a writer, you can really do whatever the hell you want.

Okay, I guess I got what I wished for- some gay characters on the show. Are you surprised that Admiral Cain is a lesbian? Number Six, you little mynx. However, is the betrayal the whole reason why Admiral Cain got completely fascist and ordered the killing and pillaging of the civillian fleets? Because she was a lover scorned? That is kind of what we are led to believe. Also, I wonder of this Number Six was ordered to seduce Admiral Cain to obtain access to the network, just like she was ordered to seduce Gaius Baltar to get access to the defense mainframe. If so, that irks me. Her main weapon is seduction, which really cheapens her character because she kicks ass in personality (and ok, usually looks fierce in her outfits).

Speaking of kicking ass, loved the centurions. And the talking to each other in Daft Punk-esque voices. Young Adama? Pretty hot. Weird old man hybrid? Pretty creepy. About Starbuck being the harbinger of death, that wasn’t really shocking information. Downsides: Michael Trucco in the credits, but where was Anders? Also, the only appearnace of Baltar is of him standing with a group of people looking pensive. I want more! [In the previews for Season Four, it seems that he has some sort of healing power. If one more show goes the X-Men, 4400, or Heroes rout, I'll scream.]

Ok, I knew what I was up against when I started posting these lists. I’ve had to refect at least 20 comments about this because they were pretty unproductive and basically name-calling. How many times do I have to say this? This is my opinion, nothing else. If you want to disagree and tell my why, that is fine, but really, name calling is not necessary. Other people have best-of lists that include The Hold Steady and Joanna Newsome, which basically give me ear diarrhea, but that’s why it’s an opinion. “Good” music is subjective. Okay? Ready? Let’s move on.

The Mooney Suzuki, Have Mercy
Please have mercy on us by not releasing anymore albums. Your poor, overproduced attempt at garage rock is tiring.

Mxpx, Secret Weapon
I can’t believe I would ever hear myself saying I was a fan of a Christian pop-punk band, but mxpx has a soft space in my heart. Then they turned into adults and are still singing about girls that are holding hands with another boy, and hanging out at the local soda shop or crap like that. Not that they need to change their entire image, but musical growth would be nice.

The Bravery, The Sun and the Moon
I was a huuuuge fan of their debut self-titled album, even when crtics panned them as a pre-selcted, Monkees-esque New York hipster band. However, they were not even trying. It’s like their manager woke them up early one morning, dragged them into the studio, and forced them to record something.

Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing
Believe it or not, her second album was an album I actually enjoyed. It was great pop-rock with a semi-decent independent-woman message. Then she created a new genre called brat-rock. And blatantly ripped off other people’s songs.

Motion City Soundtrack, Even If It Kills Me
Listening to this will kill me, because it’s so whiny. They have potench, you all know how I feel about bands with electric keyboards. Why so bad then?

Kaiser Chiefs, Yours Truly, Angry Mob
Snore.

Bad Brains, Build a Nation
I know, I know! I can’t believe I am including a Bad Brains album on here. However, sometimes the time and era that music came out impacts its greatness. I just want to remember BBs as the pioneers they were in the late eighties, not with new stuff.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Living with the Living
When Ted Leo’s first album came out, I somehow convinced myself that it was fun and quirky, but I was probably just rationalizing. Then a few more albums came out that sounded exactly the same. Finally I realized that his songwriting annoys me.

The Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
Prime example of the Emperor’s New Music. I don’t get it.

Coming up: the absolute worst of the worst.

See previous bad albums.

Hope everybody has a great holiday, celebrating the mass genocide Native Americans. And chomping on dead turkeys that who were innocently slaughtered for the sake of a cliches American tradition.  In celebration, here’s an anorexic’s guide to Thanksgiving.

Also, indie rock is destroying America! And America is also suffering because we don’t have a Barbie entertainment theme store. In my dream! Finally, old-school Sesame Street not suitable for today’s children. Kickass!

I’ve really held back on posting the hot celebrity pics on here, mostly because it was out of control and mostly because I now have this. However, I have a new celeb obsession that I need to shout to the world! I need to shout it to the rooftops!

Zachary Quinto. Damn. The moment he cut open someone’s heads and ate their brains on Heroes I knew it was meant to be. I haven’t fell this hard since Ewan McGregor.

And then even better news- my prominently-browed imaginary boyfriend will be playing a young Spock in the Star Trek movie. Is it wrong that him with the Spock ears totally does it for me? I’m sick.

Did a little research and found he played the gay assistant on So NoTORIous. I considered renting the season on dvd, but really, that’s going too far. So I managed to snag this clip, if you sit through the first half of Tori’s horse face, you can see Zinto half naked in a sauna making out with another man.

Your results:
You are Hulk

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

I am moody, disgusting green blob who smashes things. I’m thrilled.

I sent this to many of you already, but I was really enthralled by this collection of the 9 most racist Disney characters ever. Lots can give the excuse that they were just a product of the era, that things were more “acceptable” then. I still don’t buy it.

This scene from Peter Pan is so out of control. The “Indians” ask how did the red man become red? It’s because a girl kissed an ancestor and he blushed. Permanently. When Peter Pan becomes “red” I had to hide under my chair. Goodness grief.

Seriously, have you all seen the pics from the set of the Sex and the City movie? It has become a parody of itself. Sarah Jessica looks like either:

a. a five year old who insists on dressing herself every morning for kindergarten

b. an escaped mental patient

c. a prostitute who was caught in the middle of an explosion of the Mandee sale rack

Oh, this is the the best (worst)

Blue feather? And look at the boobs on the dress. Did someone think this would be a good idea?

Sarah Jessica is definitely not one with typical Hollywood looks, which is awesome. She is actually quite attractive without all the bullshit. Also, she is the executive producer of SATC. Why does she allow production to repeatedly make her character look like shit? It is really like the emperor’s new clothes. I understand couture is supposed to be unique, but DO YOU HAVE A MIRROR? It’s just so sad.

The show already annoys me because I blame it for ruining Manhattan.Every time the gals went to some cliched location, thousands of bored housewives would flock there. No joke, there have been several times when I tell people I lived in Manhattan that they ask, “Is it just like Sex and the City?” Depending on my mood, I said either “oh yea, absolutely”, “do you see what I look like?”, “No, is LA just like The Hills?” or “fuck off”.

Check out Part one.

LCD Soundsystem, Sounds of Silver
Sounds of boredom.

Simian Mobile Disco, Attack Sustain Release
I have made several attempts to really sit down and listen to this, but I can’t even tell you about the songs they are so insignificant.

Bright Eyes, Cassadaga
I’m over it.

Blaqk Audio, Cex Cells
AFI’s Davey Havock attempts and electoclash record. What you have is the soundtrack to a bad porno. How can I take a band that has a song called “Stiff Kittens” seriously?

She Wants Revenge, This is Forever
Interpol and Hot Topic want their identities back.

Reel Big Fish, Money For Nothing and Your Chimps for Free
I feel bad putting this there because I really adore RBF. They have been around a while, but once the 3rd wave ska trend came along they rode the shit out of it, and deserved to. Now that’s over, and the guys are clinging to it. This album is like the equivalent of them playing karaoke at a New Jersey truck stop and crying about where their careers went.

The Donnas, Bitchin’
The Donnas’ moment passed about 10 years ago. Stop making records.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Some Loud Thunder
I still cannot understand the hype. I really tried, I really did.

The Oohlas, One Stop Pop
Strike one is that they are on Ultragrrl’s obnoxious record label, Stolen Transmission. Strike two is that they are horrible.

The trailer is out, and it is all kind of wrong.

This looks like the most horribly miscast movie ever. Henry the VIII is supposed to be stupid, large, and kind of ugly. Eric Bana, although I lurve him, is non of those things. I guess to pull in audiences, they gotta put the hottie.

It looks like they even got the plot wrong from the book. in the trailer it makes it look like the King fell in love with Ann first, which was not the case.

Scarlett, shut up. I hate you. And your character is supposed to be thirteen. I guess they couldn’t show the sex scenes. Speaking of which, they make it look like it is consensual and really hot. When, really, she just kind of lies there and lets the King have his way, and she doesn’t actually enjoy it.

Natalie, your accent is horrendous.

Sigh, another book I love gone to shit.

Before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, let’s just clarify that this entire blog consists of editorial content. That means it is clearly subjective. I am okay with people with differing opinions, but whenever I do these things, I inevitably get someone who starts cursing at me and calling me an idiot. Which is not necessary. My definition of bad, as used here, means either incredibly disappointing, overproduced, not worth the hype, or total letdowns. Clearly there were several horrible albums released this year, but really to name all of them would be ridiculous. These are ones that I came across in my travels which left really bad tastes in my mouth. And ears.

Edit: this is a four-part list. See the other crappy albums here.

The Arctic Monkeys, Favorite Worst Nightmare.
Fresh on the heels of their debut over hyped album, they shit this one out real quick hoping their accents and overall hipness would save it. The songs all sound the same to me, does nothing for me.

Ash, Twilight of the Innocents
Ash have essentially given up gaining a following in the US, but they are not really pleasing anyone right now. Gone were the days of “Girl From Mars” or any semblance of a good song. Even the album cover is half-assed. It looks like I just made it on Microsoft publisher.

Rilo Kiley, Under the Blacklight
How can a band go from having one of the top five albums of the 21st century release something so boring? Jenny Lewis went off for a while and did her solo country album, which was decent, but Jenny, it’s not about you. This album tries to be country and pop, and it bored me to tears. So sad.

The Horrors, Strange House.
I don’t get it. I like garage punk, the Misfits, and British bands that dress well. So why don’t I like this album? I am really missing something.


Cartel, Cartel.
It’s not because they are pop-punk, or a bit cheesy, or the teenies love them. Even the publicicty stunt of living in a bubble while they recorded this album couldn’t help it from sucking miserably.

More to come. I am assembling my best of 2007 list as we speak. Unless something comes out in the next six weeks, I think I’m almost done.

because it’s Spice Girls week over at Andrew’s blog.

Also, RIP Ira Levin.

I recently acquired the digital albums of the days of yore. Realizing that there are some gems on these that didn’t get ENOUGH airplay. I am here to bring these to the surface! It’s only fair!

03-popsicle.mp3

Who was Maurice Starr fooling? This is basically New Edition’s “Candy Girl” made for white kids.

08-i-wanna-be-loved-by-you.mp3

The boys really spill their hearts out in this one. Each one gets a whole section to themselves, and they tell us their astrological sign and a lil more about what makes them tick. Highlight: Joey M. is all “I’m just a kid”. You can hear him thinking, “Mom, I don’t want to be in the band anymore! Take me home!” Also, I was so pumped that Donnie and I are both Leos. Who am I kidding? I still pumped about that!

06-new-kids-on-the-block.mp3

Everyone needs a song that explains the raison d’etre behind their band. And one with some very bad rapping.

04-cover-girl.mp3

Omg, not only the best NKOTB songs ever, but maybe one of the best songs ever. This was a hit, but it wasn’t crazy huge, like all the ones that Jordan sang. It has a rocking guitar solo too. And it actually is pretty good, for a pop song.

09-my-favorite-girl.mp3

I always liked this one. It seemed…really intense.

02-tonight.mp3

This was showed how mature the guys were. They also stray from many NKOTB canons that we have come to know and love. Firstly, an intro on a mandolin. Then, they sing about the trials and tribulations of being famous, and reminiscing about their expansive career. Then, a full orchestra backing up the chorus! Highlight: “See the girls with the curls in their hair/the buttons and the pins and the loud fanfare”. It’s very Kafka-esque for them to acknowledge their own fame and cultural mark. Trippy.

06-happy-birthday.mp3

Jon Knight was getting mad that he really never sang or did anything useful in the band. So they gave him a solo song, and figured they had to give him something simple. It’s not the Happy Birthday song you are thinking of; it’s a blatant ripoff of “Earth Angel”. Why did no one ever pick up on that?

07-funky-funky-xmas.mp3

I listened to the shit out of the Xmas album, much to the chagrin of my Jewish parents. This one gives me the biggest douche chills when I listen to it now. Yes, it’s a rap about Christmas. Complete with one of the guys talking is stupid funk voices, which is actually a bit racist. I can’t really make fun too much, because when I was in synagogue choir, we also did a Jewish rap song, about being “Holy…Holy…we shall be holy.” I know my brother can back me up on this one.

I watched Sicko this weekend. I really despise Michael Moore. I take that back. I really despise the way he presents and argues his case. Clearly, I agree that healthcare in the US is an incredibly flawed system. And that’s the understatement of the year. But, I also hate the way Michael Moore will present information, and then ask really condescending questions and start name-calling. I do agree that these private health insurance companies do create more problems and are not helping the people that fundamentally need the help. But I feel he is ignoring the major point- that these private enterprises exist basically because of capitalism. The type of economy drives it. These high powered CEOS of the companies are certainly no angels, but it’s like solely blaming these 18 year old kids killing people in Iraq for the Iraqi war. They were put in that position because of a larger system is in place that systematically oppresses everyone. I feel like Moore constantly ignores that.

His protest methods really piss me off too. It’s mostly for show and not at all productive. Sure, taking the group of 9/11 rescue workers to Guantnamo Bay makes for good movie footage, but what the hell did he expect? It was like in Bowling for Columbine when he storms into Charlton Heston’s home and when old Charlie gets peeved, Moore is all “you’ve proved my point!” No, it’s kind of because you broke into this person’s house. I guess that is also the argument between radical protest methods v. working with the system. And the whole paying the guy who runs his hate website for his wife’s operaton? It just REEKS of egotism and manipulation.

I found his visits to Great Britain and France incredibly ignorant. Sure, their universal healthcare system does have its benefits, but he only showed a white, upper class view that made these countries seem utopian. Both countries have significant poverty and their share of issues. Also, how can he completely gloss over the way that race and racism affect US Healthcare? A large majority of the people profiled in the movie were white. And race definiately has lots to do with it.

From a pure documentary and cinematic standpoint, this one was not as quality as his others. I’s actually like to see him do something on the obesity/trans fat craze, maybe go deeper into the things Supersize Me left out.

Believe it or not, these days I am finding time to read other stuff besides Sweet Valley High.

You all know how much I love James St. James. His memoir Disco Bloodbath was entertaining but wasn’t exactly a literary feat, so I was skeptical about his first fiction novel. But I haven’t laughed so hard at a book since Superstud. Or found a story, well, endearing. The main character, no doubt based on the author, is an extremely flamboyantly gay teenager who is beginning school at an ultra-conservative, WASPY, private school. The observations and interactions are of course wuite entertaining, but he is violently harassed, which, not too funny, but it addressed, albeit satirically. Finally he befriends the popular boy in school, who it turns out has a touch of the gay. I usually don’t say this about books, but this would make a fantastic movie. And I’d like to see Zac Efron in the role of the pretty popular boy.

Mortified is a collection of writings, memoirs, letters, etc. from various people’s teenage years. Mostly people’s exerpts from their journals. I’ve considered putting pieces of my childhood journals on this blog, but then thankfully decided against it. Again, incredibly hilarious and also a little but sad. The best ones are one miserable boy’s correspondence with his parents from camp, some embrassing Duran Duran fan fiction, and unsent love letters. I think this is also based on a stage show.

Never fails to crack my stuff up.

WASHINGTON, DC—According to employees at the nonprofit organization Refugees International, each of the four new fall interns has been trying to impress the staff by being the first to solve the refugee crisis in Burma before their internships end in December.

“I don’t mind them attempting to levy sanctions against the Burmese junta or coordinate humanitarian airlifts to the oppressed Karen people on their own time, but we really need them to keep the copier full of paper and ensure we have enough pens,” said the organization’s director, Greg Davidson.

“Besides, solving refugee crises is really the responsibility of paid staffers.” Davidson added that his idea of a model intern is 20-year-old Dartmouth senior Sarah Frazier, who is quiet during staff meetings, shows little outward ambition, and is pretty.

Acquire and read the Heroes graphic novel.

Watch Sicko (just rented it).

Start reading The Gum Thief (just bought it).

See Robbers on High Street at Bottom of the Hill.

Finally get my California driver’s license.

Overall, not too shabby.

I am watching Flight of the Conchords and I can’t decide if it is the most brilliant show ever created or the most annoying thing ever. Also, the character of Mel is totally based on me.