ad hoc.

you take a mental health day from work and spend it at Costco. What about Costco entrances me? Is it the opportunity to by as much Crystal Lite mix at one time to kill 100 lab rats? To be able to purchase Stargate SG-1 for a mere $14.99? I don’t know. I hate consumerism, so I like its no-frills warehouse feel. Of course, that is all part of the design, so I have once again been duped by marketing. Seriously though, I could live there. Maybe I will! And film it! [Costo-ize Me].

you are watching the newly released My So-Called Life dvd box set and you realize that Angela is a brat to her parents and relate a bit more to her parents. Angela, why so self-centered? Also, I used to be in LURVE with Jordan Catalano but this time around found him to be dumb and shallow (but oh so cute). Also, Brian Krakow is probably the better choice. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I guess that’s growing old for you.

you don’t even realize that the MTV Video Music Awards are on.

Also, when you know who MC Skat Kat is.

…you voluntarily purchase a pair of Crocs. Not to worry! They are the super cute kind. Can we talk about how they are the most comfortable fucking things I have ever worn? I am totally brainwashed.

been so lazy about doing laundry that you go out and BUY NEW UNDERWEAR instead? I just did that today and I think this signifies hitting rock bottom.

Also: you know you are getting old when you want to yell at teenagers on the street to stop dragging their feet. Everyone here wears flip flops which is gross enough, but they can’t even walk correctly. It’s a mess.

Also, I need to be careful what I wish for. I kvetched about living in the suburbs, but now I am woken up every hour of the night for something. Two nights this week the bar next to my building has had some sort of brawl/riot, there is a mentally ill individual who screams about Jesus every hour on the hour*, and people can’t control their car alarms.

* I understand that the mentally ill homeless person is having a much worse time than me. I don’t mean to make light of it. But dammit, I need my sleep.

I’m trying to psych myself up about my move, so I’ve started a calendar, which you can access over on the sidebar, with upcoming shows in the Bay Area that I would like to/plan on attending. It’s a lil overwhelming, considering I have barely seen any live music in the last three years, whereas living in nyc I went 2-3 times a week. However, I am now three years older, which means…

You know you are getting old when you feel annoyed that shows go on too late. Doors usually open around 8pm, that means the opening act goes on about 9pm, plays for 40 minutes, there is about a 20 minute break in bewtween for set up, there may be more than one, and then your headline doesn’t get on until 10:30 or so, and it over after midnight. Then I first have to catch the subway/bus? I won’t be home until after 1am. Oy! If I have to work the next day, I will be spent. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if bands decided to play a matinee show? I think that would be fantastic. I’d be all energy and jumping around right in front. Or even start at 4pm. Teens are out of school by then. When I start my record label, I will require bands to play matinee shows. Fuck, I’m old.

You finally realize that you are too old to watch MTV. I sat through the MTV movie awards, getting douchechills the whole time. I am seriously too old for this shit. Sarah Silverman was actually kind of funny. Although I am not a fan, I felt bad because her brand of humor went right over their heads and most of the audience sat there pretty dumbfounded. There were incredibly homophobic moments throughout, which is always amazing. Awesome. Rihanna did a performance and looked like shit. The whole thing was a huge commercial for the Tranformers the movie, which looks really dumb. The only highlights were Zac Efron looking cute and obviously being totally psyched to be there, Amanda Bynes looking like an orange hooker, Sascha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell making out, just as I had hoped for, Amy Winehouse giving a fantastic live performance of “Rehab”, and Johnny Depp proving he is the coolest mofo alive. I swear, he stopped aging at 32.

you make a reference to Tiger Beat magazine and the people you are talking to have no clue what you are referring to. Then you try to explain and mention people like Kirk Cameron, Luke Perry, and/or Chad Allen and then they still don’t know what you are talking about. And then you throw your hands in the air in disgust and stomp off.

You file your taxes:

1. weeks before the deadline

2. you kind of have fun doing it.

You realize that today is Kurt Cobain’s fortieth birthday.

What would he look like? What would he think of today’s music? Would he still be with Courtney Love?

Wow, another moment I felt really old. Listening to mainstream radio,  a hip hop song came on that seemed oddly familiar. It was a remake of Patrick Swayze’s “She’s Like the Wind”. Yes, that song from Dirty Dancing, folks. The kids listening to this weren’t even alive during that whole craze. I feel like my mom probably felt when “I Saw Him Standing There” by Tiffany came out, and how the kids listening to it didn’t even know the Beatles existed.

I’m afraid this will start to turn into sayings you would find on a half-price desk calendar or a Cathy comic, but things have been happening to make me realize what an old fart I am becoming. You know you are getting old when…..

• You watch reality bites and realize Ben Stiller is a better catch than Ethan Hawke.
• The bands you listen to you are ten or more years younger than you.
• You make Luke Perry references and no one gets it.
• You almost buy pants with an elastic waist because they would be comfortable for sitting behind a desk all day.
• You are astounded that Roseanne is considered classic tv.

I am sure I will discover many more as the days pass by,