ad hoc.

It’s never too early to make a list! And we are about 25% done with 2008!

1. Sons and Daughters, This Gift
2. The Magnetic Fields, Distortion
3. Does It Offend You, Yea?, You Have No Idea What You Are Getting Into
4. Cloud Cult, Feel Good Ghosts
5. The Von Bondies, We Are Kamikazes Headed Straight For Your Heart
6. We Should Be Dead, Forget Romance, Let’s Dance!
7. The Kills, Midnight Boom
8. The Black Keys, Attack & Release
9. The Mars Volta, Bedlam in Goliath 
10. Forward, Russia!, Life Processes 

I mentioned Vampire Weekend a few posts back, but here is another list of bands that hip bloggers are demanding I listen to, but makes me feel something is wrong with me because they are a total snoozefest:

• Crystal Castles
• Beach House
• Born Ruffians
• Duffy

Seriously, what am I missing?? Maybe it’s actually happened- I’m too old for this shit?

Just some more navel gazing, and remembering some of my favorite posts from the last year.

• My “retirement”…which lasted about 36 hours.
• My thoughts on illegal downloading.
• I did the top 100 of the 21st century.
• Gym pet peeves.
• My favorite Oscar gowns.
• The most annoying bloggers: I started a webtroversy.
• Boycott Snickers!
• The BSG season 3 finale
• Unintentionally hilarious Sex and the City outfits.
• Best Madonna videos.
• Best movie music moments.
• Best opening credits.
• A very dramatic look.
• Best movie makeover scenes.
• Thoughts on Order of the Phoenix.
• Celebs I hate and why.
• Liveblogging Gossip Girl.
• Villains are misunderstood.
• Best narrative videos.
• offensive Halloween costumes.
• Declaration of love for ZQ.
• underrated NKOTB songs.
• Julie, the new American Girl Doll.

I guess with it being the last day of 2007 I should get a move on with this, huh?

COMPLETE LIST HERE

#10 Soundtrack, Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof

I usually don’t put soundtracks on these lists because it is usually a random collection of songs that the producer threw in the movie. But Quentin Tarantino usually takes the soundtracks very seriously, and can find semi-obscure songs that fit the movie perfectly. These songs illustrate the movie perfectly and are awesome.
Standout track(s): 16-chick-habit.mp3 /02-baby-its-you.mp3

#9 I’m From Barcelona, Let Me Introduce My Friends

I feel like this is one of those kids’ sing-along-records because it’s so catchy. I love those Swedes.
Standout track(s): 03-were-from-barcelona.mp3

#8 Amy Winehouse, Black to Black

How can this not be on here? I still hold my ground that her “persona” is fabricated to create an ilage.
Standout track(s): 05-back-to-black.mp3

#7 Mary Onettes, The Mary Onettes

I am not even sure how I found out about this band. But seriously, they sound straight out of 1984. And I mean that in a good way.
Standout track(s): 09-the-mary-onettes-under-the-guillotine.mp3

#6 The Go! Team, Proof of Youth

Everything they touch is gold. I thought their first album was fantastic, this one was ten times better. Can’t wait to see what they do next. I was also lucky enough to see them live this year. I felt like I was getting baptized.
Standout track(s): 10-flashlight-fight.mp3

#5 Alaska in Winter, Dance Party in the Balkans

I am actually surprised that I like this. This is the kind of stuff I usually loathe. But it is refreshing to me that people still can and wan to make music like this.
Standout track(s): alaska-in-winter-dance-party-in-the-balkans-09-staring-at-the-sun.mp3

#4 Bloc Party, A Weekend in the City

I can’t believe I was disappointed when this came out, I must have not listened hard enough. I like the level of fame that Bloc Party are now. I’m a little scared because their upcoming single “Flux” is a bit, shall we say, TECHNO, but I am sure that they will continue their trail of awesomeness.
Standout track(s): 02-hunting-for-witches.mp3

#3 Blonde Redhead, 23

This is beatiful, depressing, and haunting.
Standout track(s): 02-dr-strangeluv.mp3

#2 M.I.A. Kalla

This is probably the only hip-hoppish album you will ever see on any list of mine. This was a close contendor for my top spot. I also listended to this constantly as I was moving and when I first got here, and it got me through some rough stuff.
Standout track(s): 05-hussel-feat-afrikan-boy.mp3 / 11-paper-planes.mp3

#1 The White Stripes - Icky Thump

Some people say that the White Stripes keep releasing albums too quickly, but you know what? Each album is better than the last. Jack White is so prolific, it sounds like he may have written these songs in one sitting. Some of them are very structured, melodic, almost radio-friendly tunes, others are just some hardcore jam sessions. To quote Reen Big Fish, why do they rock so hard?
Standout track(s): 12-catch-hell-blues.mp3 / 04-conquest.mp3

#20 Bedouin Soundclash; Street Gospels

The closest to reggae I will ever get.
standout track: 04-trinco-dog.mp3

#19 Justice; Cross

Sounds life Daft Punk’s younger punk kid sister.
standout track: 06-phantom-pt-ii.mp3

#18 Enon; Grass Geysers…Carbon Clouds

Never a dull moment. The alternation of the voives totally does it for me.
standout track: 11-enon-labyrinth.mp3

#17 A Place to Bury Strangers; A Place to Bury Strangers

This stuff is really dark and scary. I imagine this is what “goth” kids listen to.
standout track: 06-breathe.mp3

#16 Kenna; Make Sure They See My Face

Angsty and electronicy.
Standout track: 10-better-wise-up.mp3

#15 Calla, Strength in Numbers

I am bad at explaining music. Their previous albums were super depressing, this is just as depressing but with more melody-driven stuff.
Standout track: 12-simone.mp3

#14 Editors; The End Has A Start

This is what Interpol SHOULD sound like.
Standout track: smokers-outside-the-hospital-doors.mp3

#13 The View; Hats Off to the Buskers

I definiately heard this in 2006, but it was officially released in the US this year. Again, the US has no taste and never really picked up on their awesomeness.
Standout track: 03-same-jeans.mp3

#12 The Raveonettes, Lust Lust Lust

Genius.I read a review somewhere that said this band is a perfect soundtrack to a David Lynch movie. Also, their imitation of the Jesus and Mary Chain is at times actually better than actual J&MC.
Standout track: 10-sad-transmisson.mp3

#11 The Comas; Spells

Sometimes I don’t understand why they are not as popular on the radio as Rihanna and the other stuff.
Standout track: 03-now-im-a-spider.mp3

Any predictions about what my top 10 are?

#30 Fall Out Boy, Infinity on High

#29 Lily Allen; Alright Still

#28 The New Pornographers; Challengers

#27 Spoon; Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

#26 Black Kids; The Wizard of Ahhhs

#25 Rogue Wave; Asleep at Heaven’s Gate

#24 The Hives; The Black & White Album

#23 Matt & Kim; Matt & Kim

#22 Peter Bjorn & John; Writer’s Block

#21 Patrick Wolf; The Magic Position

previously on..

#40 Animal Collective; Strawberry Jam

#39 The Killers; Sawdust

#38 Handsome Furs; Plague Park

#37 Beirut; The Flying Club Cup

#36 The Rakes; Ten New Messages

#35 Shout Out Louds; Our Ill Wills

#34 Gogol Bordello; Super Taranta

#33 Black Lips; Good Bad Not Evil

#32 Manic Street Preachers; Send Away the Tigers

#31 Tiger Army; Music From Regions Beyond

It’s time for the worst of the worst!

Electric Six, I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master
Wtf. This band was a novelty act with that song “Danger! High Voltage!” about 4 years ago. Someone forgot to tell them to stop making albums.

Evanescence, The Open Door
When your founder and main songwriter leaves the band, that should be a hint. But no, Amy Lee decides she needs to continue to be the real life version of Emily the Strange and “write” deep songs about her ex-boyfriend from shitty bands and try to write about being depressed with a song called “Lithium”. Shit, I doubt that she even knows who Nirvana is.

Good Charlotte, Good Morning Revival
Sure, GC may be an easy target, but let’s not forget, their earlier album was actually on my best of 2000s list. But when you knock up Nicole Richie and hang out at the Ivy, where does your motivation to write songs come from? What do you even write about? You get this where they “experiement” with “rapping” and seem to take themselves way too seriously.

Joanna Newsom, Joanna Newsom and the Ys Street Band
This is the biggest example of The Emperor’s New Clothes of music of the year. Makes my ears bleed maggots.

Ok, I knew what I was up against when I started posting these lists. I’ve had to refect at least 20 comments about this because they were pretty unproductive and basically name-calling. How many times do I have to say this? This is my opinion, nothing else. If you want to disagree and tell my why, that is fine, but really, name calling is not necessary. Other people have best-of lists that include The Hold Steady and Joanna Newsome, which basically give me ear diarrhea, but that’s why it’s an opinion. “Good” music is subjective. Okay? Ready? Let’s move on.

The Mooney Suzuki, Have Mercy
Please have mercy on us by not releasing anymore albums. Your poor, overproduced attempt at garage rock is tiring.

Mxpx, Secret Weapon
I can’t believe I would ever hear myself saying I was a fan of a Christian pop-punk band, but mxpx has a soft space in my heart. Then they turned into adults and are still singing about girls that are holding hands with another boy, and hanging out at the local soda shop or crap like that. Not that they need to change their entire image, but musical growth would be nice.

The Bravery, The Sun and the Moon
I was a huuuuge fan of their debut self-titled album, even when crtics panned them as a pre-selcted, Monkees-esque New York hipster band. However, they were not even trying. It’s like their manager woke them up early one morning, dragged them into the studio, and forced them to record something.

Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing
Believe it or not, her second album was an album I actually enjoyed. It was great pop-rock with a semi-decent independent-woman message. Then she created a new genre called brat-rock. And blatantly ripped off other people’s songs.

Motion City Soundtrack, Even If It Kills Me
Listening to this will kill me, because it’s so whiny. They have potench, you all know how I feel about bands with electric keyboards. Why so bad then?

Kaiser Chiefs, Yours Truly, Angry Mob
Snore.

Bad Brains, Build a Nation
I know, I know! I can’t believe I am including a Bad Brains album on here. However, sometimes the time and era that music came out impacts its greatness. I just want to remember BBs as the pioneers they were in the late eighties, not with new stuff.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Living with the Living
When Ted Leo’s first album came out, I somehow convinced myself that it was fun and quirky, but I was probably just rationalizing. Then a few more albums came out that sounded exactly the same. Finally I realized that his songwriting annoys me.

The Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
Prime example of the Emperor’s New Music. I don’t get it.

Coming up: the absolute worst of the worst.

See previous bad albums.

Check out Part one.

LCD Soundsystem, Sounds of Silver
Sounds of boredom.

Simian Mobile Disco, Attack Sustain Release
I have made several attempts to really sit down and listen to this, but I can’t even tell you about the songs they are so insignificant.

Bright Eyes, Cassadaga
I’m over it.

Blaqk Audio, Cex Cells
AFI’s Davey Havock attempts and electoclash record. What you have is the soundtrack to a bad porno. How can I take a band that has a song called “Stiff Kittens” seriously?

She Wants Revenge, This is Forever
Interpol and Hot Topic want their identities back.

Reel Big Fish, Money For Nothing and Your Chimps for Free
I feel bad putting this there because I really adore RBF. They have been around a while, but once the 3rd wave ska trend came along they rode the shit out of it, and deserved to. Now that’s over, and the guys are clinging to it. This album is like the equivalent of them playing karaoke at a New Jersey truck stop and crying about where their careers went.

The Donnas, Bitchin’
The Donnas’ moment passed about 10 years ago. Stop making records.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Some Loud Thunder
I still cannot understand the hype. I really tried, I really did.

The Oohlas, One Stop Pop
Strike one is that they are on Ultragrrl’s obnoxious record label, Stolen Transmission. Strike two is that they are horrible.

Before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, let’s just clarify that this entire blog consists of editorial content. That means it is clearly subjective. I am okay with people with differing opinions, but whenever I do these things, I inevitably get someone who starts cursing at me and calling me an idiot. Which is not necessary. My definition of bad, as used here, means either incredibly disappointing, overproduced, not worth the hype, or total letdowns. Clearly there were several horrible albums released this year, but really to name all of them would be ridiculous. These are ones that I came across in my travels which left really bad tastes in my mouth. And ears.

Edit: this is a four-part list. See the other crappy albums here.

The Arctic Monkeys, Favorite Worst Nightmare.
Fresh on the heels of their debut over hyped album, they shit this one out real quick hoping their accents and overall hipness would save it. The songs all sound the same to me, does nothing for me.

Ash, Twilight of the Innocents
Ash have essentially given up gaining a following in the US, but they are not really pleasing anyone right now. Gone were the days of “Girl From Mars” or any semblance of a good song. Even the album cover is half-assed. It looks like I just made it on Microsoft publisher.

Rilo Kiley, Under the Blacklight
How can a band go from having one of the top five albums of the 21st century release something so boring? Jenny Lewis went off for a while and did her solo country album, which was decent, but Jenny, it’s not about you. This album tries to be country and pop, and it bored me to tears. So sad.

The Horrors, Strange House.
I don’t get it. I like garage punk, the Misfits, and British bands that dress well. So why don’t I like this album? I am really missing something.


Cartel, Cartel.
It’s not because they are pop-punk, or a bit cheesy, or the teenies love them. Even the publicicty stunt of living in a bubble while they recorded this album couldn’t help it from sucking miserably.

More to come. I am assembling my best of 2007 list as we speak. Unless something comes out in the next six weeks, I think I’m almost done.

Check out Part 1

The Phantom, The Phantom of the Opera
Why people hate him: Okay, so he maybe killed some people in the process of haunting the opera house. Also, he is threatening the success of the operas and scaring the crap out of their precious lead soprano engeneue.
Why he’s misunderstood: he is forced to live in the dingy bowels of the opera house, and his only outlet is teaching Christine Daae to sing. She goes ahead and becomes a famous soprano and forgets about the Phantom and canoodles with that pretty boy, Raoul. He made her who she is! And he gets practically no thanks!

Gauis Baltar, Battlestar Galactica
Why people hate him: so maybe he was (indirectly) responsible for the near genocide of the human race, he canoodles with cylons, he is condescending and a womanizer, he won the presidential elections using questionable tactics
Why he is misunderstood: first of all, he actually didn’t realize that he was betraying the human race when he did it. He may also be the only one smart enought to find planet earth. Second of all, that condescing president Roslin has it out for him. He’s also the only one to know how to have fun on the fleet- so maybe that invludes manipulating people for his own benfit- but at LEAST he didn’t rig the election, like certain other candidates

Pzaz of the Misfits, Jem and the Holograms
Why people hate her: she is always trying to murder Jem and the Holograms
Why she is misunderstood: if you were always losing to that goody-two shoes Jem, wouldn’t that annoy you? Plus, the Misfits music is better, but everyone is so blinded by Jem’s over the top phialnthropy. Plus, her father is head of her record company and puts a lot of pressure on her.

Tess, Roswell
Why people hate her: she tricked Max into knocking her up so she could bring the alien baby back to her alien homeland.
Why she is misundertood: The other three hybrids were lucky enough to be adopted and assimilated into society, and she got stuck with a creepy shapeshifting father. Plus, in her alien home, she was a queen and married to Max, and on earth she has to play second fiddle to that mousy Liz parker. I’d be pissed too and try to get my alien friends to go back home too.

Taffy Sinclair, Taffy Sinclair series
Why people hate her: she was the first person in the fifth grade to have boobs, plus she’s apparently vain and always trying to steal Jana Morgan’s boyfriend.
Why she is misunderstood: Jana and her friends are super jealous and treat her like shit and always kept her out of their clique. She was only fighting fire with fire.

Remember when music videos were awesome? The best ones were the mini-movies. R.Kelly acts like he was the first one to do a narrative video, but they were a staple of my pop culture memories. Here’s the best!

#15 A-Ha; “Take On Me”

Premise: woman has an affair with hot comic book character. My ultimate goal in life.

#14 Gwen Stefani; “Cool”

Premise: Gwen meets her ex-boyf’s new girlf.

#13 Aerosmith; “Janie’s Got A Gun”

Premise: listen to the lyrics, duh. Dad’s a rapist so Janie kills him and stuffs him under a train.

#12 Madonna; “Bad Girl”

Premise: Mad’s a high class hooker with Christopher Walken as a guardian angel.

#11 Richard Marx; “Hazard”

Premise. Someone killed a girl in the village. And goddammit, Richard Marx is going to find out.

#10 Cyndi Lauper; “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”

Premise: Cyndi’s WWF Dad won’t let her have fun so she rebels by wearing a bustier in public and kickin’ it with her girlfriends. She later brings the whole city back to the house and her parents are trampled to death.

#9 Britney Spears; “Everytime”

It’s sooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaard being famous. Stephen Dorf is a shitty boyfriend with anger management issues. Britney takes a bath and either cuts herself or hits her head and flatlines for a while. During her out of bosy experience at the hospital. Sees a baby being born then comes back to life. Meanwhile, her ratty weave strategically hides her privates in the bathtub.

#8 Bon Jovi; “Always”

Wow, BJ loves the drama. 90s heartthrob Jack Noseworthy and cheats on Carla Gugino with Keri Russell and Carla gets mad and runs out to the street. Meanwhile she goes home with some wimpy artist guy, sleeps with him, and then for some dumb reason, calls Jack to come over. Jack gets pissed and burns down artists house. NOYCE!

#7 Poison, “Fallen Angel”

Premise: The big city is bad! Gal moves out with big dreams and becomes a hooker.

#6 Tom Petty; “Into the Great Wide Open”

Premise: Small-town Johnny Depp moves to the big city and realizes fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Matt LeBlanc cameo!

#5 Jefferson Starship; “Sara”

Premise: the singer guy used to joke around with Rebecca DeMorney and wear crazy hats. Somehow it makes him remember a tornado that killed his mom.

#5 Heart; “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You”

Premise: Gal picks up a hitchhiker and does it in a cheap motel. A year later she comes back with his son. Funny how she found him, considering she never knew his name.

#4 Bon Jovi, “Livin’ In Sin”

Premise: the kids are living in sin. Duh. Bon Jovi knows how to bring the melodrama. Wasn’t this banned from MTV? Ironic, considering the smut that’s on now.

#3 Aerosmith; “Cryin’”

Was everyone else obsessed with this video as much as I was? Stephen Dorf (in his surprising second appearance on the countdown) cheats on Alicia Silverstone so she pretends to kill herself by jumping off a highway overpass. In between she gets stuff pierced and gets her bag stolen by Josh Holloway. I totally had an outfir that I copied from this video.

#2 Pat Benetar; “Love is a Battlefield”

Pat gets into a fight and runs away to the big city. This “big city” plot is basically 99% of videos. She becomes a hooker but she and her ruffian gang of hookers show their pimps who means business by doing a choreographed dance.

#1 Guns n’ Roses, “November Rain”

The grandaddy of all narrative music videos. What really happened to Stephanie Seymour? Did she get tramples by her wedding guests? Did Axl kill her? his mystery still keeps me up at night.

I’ve wanted to do this list for a long time. Whenever I read or watch anything with the typical protagonist/antagonist model, I find myself sympathizing with the villain. Usually their reasons for being who they are are overlooked and taken for granted. Plus, villains are always just way more interesting. Here are some of my favorite (and most misunderstood) villains.

Severus Snape, Harry Potter

• Why people hate him: he’s mean to Harry Potter, doesn’t kiss his ass, he’s often grumpy, not traditonally good-looking, oh and at one point he was a death eater
• Why he is misunderstood: He loved Lily but she went for that conceited asshole James Potter. He was constantly tortured by James and Sirius’ clique, and got passed up for the Defense Against the Dark Arts year after year. That’s kind of a shitty deal, you can’t really expect him to be happy and skipping around and to fall in rank and worship Potter. Give him a break.

Miss Hannigan, Annie

• Why people hate her: she’s a drunk, she treats the orphans like crap
• Why she is misunderstood: Hey. it’s the Great Depression; running an orphanage can’t be easy and it’s a thankless job. It’s not like she is getting a lot of federal funding. Plus, that bratty precocious Annie becomes a gazillionare overnigh and does she get anything?

Nellie Olsen, Little House on the Prairie

• Why people hate her: she’s a total beotch to everyone, she flaunts her money and is always out to get the Ingalls
• Why she is misunderstood: With a mother like that, can you blame her? Look what her role model is. Her mother totally puts so much pressure on her to be the best and her parents are always fighting and do not role model healthy relationships to her. Also, that Ingalls family is so fucking perfect and condescending to everyone. Plus, Laura is always breaking the rules but getting away with it, even rewarded for it. I’d hate her too.

Ursula, The Little Mermaid

• Why people hate her: She’s seemingly evil, makes her living off of taking things from others, and is not a size zero, singing, glossy-haired mermaid like Ariel
• Why she is misunderstood: Not everyone comes from a privileged, royal undersea family like Ariel, so why shouldn’t she take advantage of a little capitalism?

Magneto, X-Men (movies)

• Why people hate him: He wants to kill all humans.
• Why he is misunderstood: He is a Holocaust survivor- why should he believe that all humans are kind? He’s seen the ruling class try to exterminate those who are “different”. He’s only trying to make sure mutants thrive. Plus, his gang have WAY cooler powers than those goody-two-shoes X-Men.

Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada

• Why people hate her: she’s mean and demeaning to all her employees, and is “mean” to innocent assistants.
• Why she’s misunderstood: Do you think you can rise the ranks of the media empire as a female easily? She had no choice but to be where she is. Plus, she doesn’t need some over-confident recent grad telling her that her work is not real journalism.

More to come!

Some things I am really embarrassed about right now.

• I actually watched the movie Next just because Michael Trucco had a small role. And it was so not worth it. He is a terrible actor and actually looks kind of weird when not wearing a Colonial Uniform. But still easy on the eyes.
• I actually enjoy this mashup of “Hung Up” and “My Humps” called “Humps Up”. Don’t judge. [humps-up.mp3]
• I just read a Sleepover Friends book.

Have I no shame?

I am surprised I did not start this list earlier, but I’ve decided to put them in writing. Because I am a crusty old woman. Here are some pet peeves currently on my mind:

People backing into spaces. What the hell? Like when you leave you will be in such a hurry that you can’t spare the 7 seconds it takes to pull out of a space? It takes longer to back into a space at the beginning than it does to pull out at the end. I think that people who back into spaces are incredibly entitled. Yes, that is a huge judgement. Deal with it.

People saying “1am in the morning” or “4pm in the aftenoon”. Either say the “am” part or the “morning” part. Make a fucking choice.

When I am wating at a crosswalk, and the whole street is clear except for one close approaching car. I stand and wait for that car to go by, no biggie, but then they STOP and WAVE ME ACROSS. Who the hell made them crossing guard? Furthermore, now I feel obligated to run across the street instead of liesurely walking, which was why I was waiting in the first place. Fuck.

People wearing CBGB’s shirts. They have no clue what that even means.

More bitterness to come!

• Geisha girl child’s costume (complete with white face paint and a robe with a picture of a Japanese woman on it)
• Harijuku girl (for kids)
• Major Flirt (alluring miltary costume for young girls)
• Mexican Man (complete with sombrero and mustache)
• Hawaiin Guy (comes with a Hawaiin style shirt with a shark fin coming out the back)
• Middle Eastern Harem Girl
• “Sexy” border patrol agent (my head exploded when I saw that)

Some bands should just do themselves a favor and call it a day. You want to be like Cheers, going out on top, and not like Friends.

Mxpx: sure you were kind of on top of yor game and the forefront of the Christian rock genre, but you all are 35 with kids, gettng kind of old to be singing about being afraid of girls and having parties at your parents’ house.

Maroon 5: Songs About Jane was amazing. Now it’s just going through the motions and Adam Levine seducing every camera he sees.

Good Charlotte: sure, when you first came out onto the scene you were adorable, and your songs about growing up fatherless and working class in Maryland were endearing, but now you hang out at the Ivy with Nicole Ritchie- what the hell can inspire you now?

Cyndi Lauper/Alanis Morisette: when you rerecord your album from more than a decade ago to try to restart your career, you know it’s time to go.

Velvet Revolver: this band serves as a halfway home for overindulgent has-beens.Don’t try to chase that dream, just count your royalies and call it a day.

Corbin Bleu: I can see how you would want to cash in on your High School Musical fame, but really anyone cares about is Zefron, so don’t even try.

Bad Brains: my god, they were so influential, but why record an album now? Kids today will so not appreciate it. Just let us have the memories.

The Pixies: you changed the face of music as we know it , and practically invented the 90s, and Kurt Cobain himself has admitted to copying you in much of his songwriting, but why reunite? Frank Black can barely get through a song without having to sit down. If you quit now, you will be indie rock gods of the 90s. If you reunite, you are about 30 seconds from appearing on Celebreality on VH1.

U2: stop shoving your politics down our throats and branding your name on everything. Besides, everysong released sounds like “Beautiful Day”.

Foo Fighters: Dave Grohl’s boring frat-boy rock has canceled out any amazing qork he did with Scream and Nirvana.

Evanescence: I proudly admitted that I liked Fallen, and for goth-pop-rock it was pretty fucking rad. Then about 18 people quit the band and Amy Lee went on a Hot Topic-sponsored ego trip and The Open Door was pathetic. The original lineup will never be there, so just call it a day.

Phantom Planet: I don’t see how it is ever humanly possible to live up to the awesomeness of their debut album, and now they’ve lost half their lineup. No use even going on.

The Jesus and Mary Chain: you reunite and have Scarlett Johansen do your backup vocals? That’s a sign right there. Just pack it up.

If you don’t mind allowing me to continue my hate…

Cameron Diaz

Why? Laughing like an idiot and wiggling ass does not make a career.

Kate Hudson:

Why: smiling til your face falls off does not make a star. Plus, your foray into dumb chick flicks does not make you accomplished. The second you sat down to pee with a big Russian fur hat on in Almost Famous made me loathe you. In fact, I would have traded you for some beers in a poker game in a second. Plus, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days made me rip out my uterus and stomp on it. Plus, Owen Wilson over Chris Robinson? Wtf?

Natalie Portman

Why: Ahhhhh, the one I love to hate the most. This gal is so overrated it kills me. Firstly, she has this way of acting by gritting her teeth and talking without moving her mouth. Don’t believe me? Watch the Phantom Menace. Finally, Garden State is the root of all evils. If I were Zach Braff, the second I met her I’d want to punch her in the face, not fall in love. And no, no matter how many Oscar nominations it got, I am not convinced that you are a stripper that can snag Clive Owen. HATE!

There are also some former objects of my hate that have since convinced me otherwise. So Natalie, there is still hope for us.

Kirsten Dunst: I hated her forever (in the Bring It On Days) but Marie Antoinette made me love her! Good work Kiki!

Keira Knightley: Pirates annoyed the shit out of me, but Pride & Prejudice was fantastic.

For those of you that know me, I have immense, irrational hatred for certain actresses. Well, I hate some actors too (I’m looking at you, Richard Gere) but for some reason I save my hatred for the women, perhaps as some sort of internalized oppression or something. I’m not going to analyze it, but here they are so you can keep track.

Meghan Fox

Why? The second she got cast in Tranformers, she appeared in every men’s magazine rubbing her crotch everywhere. She also forgets her roots, which was starring in an Olsen twins movie (the one where they go on an island vacation or something). Also, she never closes her fucking mouth. It’s called breathing through your nose. Look into it.

Scarlett Johanson

Why: She is actual shitty actress and basically plays the same character in every movie. She talks about how she wants to be taken seriously as an actress and not as a sex symbol yet she takes very non-serious roles.Plus two words: the Nanny Diaries. ‘Nuff said.

Anna Paquin

Why: she was maybe good in the Piano, but get a grip on your career, woman. Playing a whore in Almost Famous didn’t help much. Plus, I hated Rogue so much in X-Men 3 I kind of blame her. Her method of acting is kind of a dead, emotionless stare.

Zooey Daschanel

Why: she always talks like she is stoned, no matter what movie and tried really hard to be kooky and kute. She basically ruined Weeds Season 2 for me.

Jennifer Garner

Why: tried to hard to be kute and kooky and always fails. And because she divorced Scott Foley- who would do that? And also because of the trout pout.

This is one of the most fun lists I’ve done so far! More to come…

I talk a lot of smack about things I don’t like, so I tried to come up with a definative list. I feel like I’m forgetting something.

John Tucker Must Die
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
The Saint
Just My Luck
Sugar & Spice
The Family Stone
Something’s Gotta Give
Elizabethtown
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
The Wedding Planner
The Wedding Date
Runaway Bride
Garden State
Running With Scissors
Inventing the Abbotts
Broken Hearts Club
The Last Kiss
Old School
City of Angels
Meet the Parents
Another Gay Movie
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer

#5 Oasis, What’s the Story Morning Glory? (1995)
Oasis peaked very quickly, and were the next Beatles (in fact, I think they are better than the Beatles). “Wonderwall” is pure genius.

#4 Superdrag, Regretfully Yours (1996)
How in the holy crap are they not huge? They have the patent on fuzzy guitars and great melodies.

#3 Weezer, Pinkerton (1996)
The beginning of the end. Most people would pick their debut album as their best, but this is the pure genius one, and the biggest commercial failure. The band should have taken the cue there, and instead made three incredibly shitty albums. Rivers Cuomo poors his nerdy little heart out about his obsession with half-Japanese girls.

#2 Rancid, ….And Out Come the Wolves (1995)
Rancid rode the coattails of Green Day’s mainstream success but only the true informed know that they keep punk alive. Former members of Operation Ivy form a band that may be…even better? If only Tim Armstrong would stop hanging out with dumb celebs.

and, of course-

Read the rest of this entry »

#10 The Murder City Devils, Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts (1998)
Proof that you don’t need to be a good singer to be a good singer of the band. And that organs make awesome punk music. And that the base guitar is the most important instrument in the band. Too bad they broke up.

#9 The Dandy Warhols, Come Down (1997)
The DWs were supposedly supposed to be the next big thing. They took a little of grunge, a little of glam and a little of pop but it never caught on with a wide audience. They also get away with a weird dynamic: they mix acoustic sounds with electric guitars and the result is a full sound that is so good it makes me tingle.

#8 Nine Inch Nails, The Downward Spiral (1994)
This was supposed to be the “mainstreaming” of industrial music. If anything, it showed that synthesizers weren’t just for bad pop bands. Trent Reznor = fucking genius. Any album where he sings “I wanna f**** you like an animal” is okay in my book.

#7 Guns n Roses, Use Your Illusion I & Use Your Illusion II (1991)
Ok, I cheated, this is two albums, but you can’t have one without the other. Sure, GNR was so misogynist and sexist it wasn’t even funny. And their glorified drugs and alcohol lifestyles wasn’t doing much to give them credibility as artists. But holy shit, could they go over the top without being ironic. Can we talk “November Rain”? Everyone, no matter what they were into, listened to that song about a zillion songs. They wrote the best rock songs I have ever heard.

#6 Tori Amos, Boys For Pele (1996)
Oh, Tori. There are true Tori fans and there are wannabes. The wannabes love Little Earthquakes and her poppy stuff. TRUE fans really understand Boys for Pele. In fact, I hated this when I first heard it. The more you listen, the more you see the genius. Tori is not just a “chick singer” she’s a fucking genius.

Who’s in the top 5? Is the anticipation killing you???

#20 Live, Secret Smanadhi (1997)
You may be surprised that I picked this over Throwing Copper, but I stand my ground. That one was more radio-friendly, this is more dark and complex. “Freaks” is a standout track/

#19 Bush, Sixteen Stone (1994)
The future Mr. Gwent Stefani really rocked the fuck out of this one. Although it is a great album, it marked grunge going into mainstream. When this came out runway models were already wearing flannel.

#18 Le Tigre, Le Tigre (1999)
My favorite queer synth-punk band…although I am not sure of others.

#17 Nada Surf, The Proximity Effect (1999)
I want to marry this band.

#16 Aimee Mann, Magnolia (1999)
This album is so good the movie was actually written based on the songs.

#15 The Pixies, Bossonova (1990)
At least when they broke up, they went out with a bang.

#14 Social Distortion, Social Distortion (1990)
Rockabilly revival. Tell me you can’t hear “Ball and Chain” without singing along.

#13 No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom (1995)
I don’t know how a pure ska band got to be the biggest pop band in the workd, but dammit Gwen stop that ego and make another ND record.

#12 Hole, Live Through This (1994)
Although this was conveniently released around the same time as her husband’s death, it didn’t matter if she was riding coattails or not. This album is pure 90s.

#11 Radiohead, Ok Computer (1995)
I blame all my depression on this album. This was, in my opinion, Radiohead’s pure genius product, and then it all went downhill from here.

Can you take the anticipation?

#30 Letters to Cleo, Wholesale Meats and Fish (1995)
I have no idea why they never made it huge.

#29 Sarah McLaughlin, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy (1994)
I never got to go to Lilith Fair!

#28 Fugazi, Repeater (1990)

#27 Fiona Apple, When the Pawn….(1998)
Oh, Fiona. Remember when heroin chic was in?

#26 Ash, 1977 (1996)
“Girl From Mars” will change your life.

#25 Chemical Brothers, Dig Your Own Hole (1995)

#24 Screeching Weasel, My Brain Hurts (1991)
The second best pop-punk album ever.

#23 Dar Williams, Mortal City (1996)
“Iowa” makes me cry everytime. I listened to the shit out of Dar in college.

#22 Built to Spill, Perfect from Now On (1997)

#21 Lillingtons, Death By Television (1999)
The best pop-punk album ever.