since I’ve been gone

Well, lots happened since I last updated. Personally, well I won’t get into much personally, but I did get a promotion and am moving to Oakland. Exciting! I will live in an adult apartment away from students.

  • I saw The Dark Knight and was very underwhelmed. Let the hate begin.
  • I have cared 0% percent about the elections. Let the hating begin.
  • I watched Dexter Season 2 and was totally sucked in. How good is a show that makes you side with the serial killer? The suspense was good, not cheesy, and we saw a “human” side of Dexter. Michael C. Hall needs 20 Emmy Awards.
  • Starting watching Skins on BBC America, and it’s touch and go for me.
  • Along with The Dairi Burger, started a Little House on the Prairie blog, because I can’t get enough of blogs.
  • Started writing about The Hills for film.com; that show is so fun to hate.
  • Read a ton, but more about that later.

In my new place, if I lean out my balcony, I can see a palm tree. Barely. Now I really feel like I am living in California.

nothing important

Dammit! I missed Swingtown on Thursday. Was it good? Was Grant Show hawt?

Have you heard NKOTB’s new song? The lyrics are fucking ridiculous. I mind Jordan and Danny the most attractive now. What has Danny Wood been doing for the last 20 years?

For the love of Christ, I think it’s judgement day. That could be the only explanation that someone would greenlight Miss Conception. Where to start? Heather Graham with a British accent. Homophobic “jokes”. Trite trailer music. Sexual assault played for comedy. It’s like Species, except it’s not scary. Except that it is.

more gratuitous gushing over Chuck Klosterman

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Finally finished Chuck’s (we’re on a first-name basis) fourth book, a collection of his past writings and ramblings. More proof that we are destined to be bffs: he wrote a whole a piece for Spin in which he viewed VH1 Classic for twenty-four hours and wrote about the nostalgia he felt, as well as the shame for once liking some of it. Um, CHELLO? I do that on this blog.

And also…CHUCK IS NOW MY FACEBOOK FRIEND!

The Watchmen

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I am really speechless after reading this. Fantastic. A superhero story that is aware of the implausability of superheroes. A comic within a comic. Campiness but seriousness. Alan Moore is a genius. A fucking crazy egomaniacal genius.

Of course, there’s a movie coming out and of course I already hate it. However, Zack Snyder is doing it, who directed the awesome Dawn of the Dead and 300. Despite not liking 300, he did stay true to the original graphic novel. Although pictures of the characters already have me doubtful- all of them look like they were redesigned to be “sexier”. And I am not sure if he is going to keep some of the campiness that is in the book. Some things that worked in the book (Dr. Manhattan exiled to Mars) can work in a comic form, but maybe not in a movie.

HSM2

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“I am more interested in what my friends think of me than what I think of myself” is the powerful line delivered by Troy Bolton in the denouement of High School Musical 2, which I finally watched this morning. Is that really supposed to be inspiring?

HSM2, as it’s known to the true fans, could either be a film that lacks self-awareness or is so self-aware it’s all a joke on us. Watching it, I would think it’s a parody of all cheesy musicals. The extreme overacting (I’m looking at you, Corbin Bleu), the hackneyed plot, the horrible musical numbers, etc. I also feel like some of the staging was so bad, why didn’t they reshoot the scene? Sometimes I had to turn away, especially during Zac Efron’s tour-de-force “Bet On It” dance through the golf course.

I don’t like to go on things based on stereotypes, but this was also one of the gayest movies I’ve ever seen. How can Ryan Evans NOT be gay? The fashion sense, the momma’s boy complex, he does musical theater, always hangs out with his sister. Sharpay is practically a drag queen with her makeup, costumes and over the topness. And pretty boy Zac Efron is basically molded from plastic during the movie and is practically the archetype of a twink.

Maybe the creators had this in mind, and wanted to make a campy parody movie. Or maybe they thought they were making a really good musical. Yikes.

And it has to be said, this one pales in comparison to the original, where the songs were catchy and well done, for pop songs. I wasn’t feelin’ any of the songs in this one, except maybe “Gotta Go My Own Way” because it was a bit cheesy and sounded like your archetypal broadway show-stopper.

random thoughts

South Park is a really good show. Does anyone actually watch it anymore? I’m randomly watching Season 4 and laughing my ass off.

Northern California weather is March is fucking heaven. It makes my whole move across the country thing worth it. Almost.

The new Raconteurs album is really freaking good. You know why? It sounds like a White Stripes album.

God, I love Radar magazine. They countdown the most misogynist movies ever.

Origin of the Species: How Gay tv characters evolve.

Elliot Spitzer hooker is the new face of feminism…somehow.

As if I couldn’t hate ScarJo enough…now I see the obnoxious promo pics she has done for her even more obnox album.

What? JPod was made into a show?

thank you, VH1 classic…

…for playing old metal videos that remind me of yesteryear when the art of a video consisted of the band playing in a cheesy set and some random model strutting about. Are these for real?

Alice Cooper- “Poison”. Man, I used to think this song was so BADASS. That, to me, was like real heavy metal. The video is not much, except for the last 30 seconds which is so CHOICE.

Ah, the Bret Michaels of a bygone era. Let me burn an image of this in my mind when I watch Rock of Love. How over the top were poison? CC and the boys walking down Hollywood boulevard in tight pants, high heeled boots and full makeup was like my idea of heaven. And Bret popping out of the Murphy bed? Wooo! I have to go fan myself.

hear me out

I usually don’t care about this crap, but I am a little fascinated by all this Ashley Alexandra Dupre business, whatever her name is. First, I think she’s actually quite pretty, and not quite what you would epect from a call girl. She also looks a bit…Jewish. Feel me? I really want to know how one goes from being a runaway from a broken home to charging $4500 an hour. Not like I plan on doing that, but it’s just such a mystery to me. And did she know he was the governor? I want a biopic immediately. I’ll bet they’ll cast Natalie Portman.

please tell me this is a hoax

I don’t even think this is a real movie, I think someone just spliced clips of 27 Dresses The Wedding Planner The Wedding Date My Best Friend’s Wedding Enchanted Sweet Home Alabama together and shat out this abomination. People will not validate my outrage and tell me to get over it, that this is a just a fluff of a movie and to just go and watch it as a guilty pleasure. I’m sorry, relaxing is the last thing I can do when Hollywood promotoes more gendered stereotypes, homophobia as comedy, and the rich white people as the heroes.

Checklist:

  • a wedding as a plot device
  • womanizer receives validation for being promiscuous
  • characters are rich and living in NYC (and are probably ad executives)
  • character is mistaken as gay and that’s funny
  • shopping montage
  • nerds are ridiculed

I have to lay off the crack before bedtime.

Oh man, this dream was a doozy. Thanks to those who keep telling me I married Bret Michaels, I had a really vivid dream last night that I was on Rock of Love. And wouldncha know, I had made it to the top three contesetants, so the show’s finale was an intense judging. I also want to add that one of the other three was a guy, so maybe Bret swings or I was mixing it up with Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. So, for the final “date”, we had to choose a book that we liked and come and discuss it. (I KNOW!) Thinking that Bret was a moron, I chose a Sweet Valley High book. And one that I didn’t actually read, but I figured I could make up the plot and probably be right. Although at the final date, it wasn’t just Bret, but the producers, some of his friends and even some professors. I suddenly felt kind of shy and annoyed, and I heard them talking about what sort of marks they were giving me. (I got a C on my book report, and a C because I didn’t give Bret flowers before the date.) Luckily, a friend of mine happened to be there so I dragged him over to the bar to have a bitch session about the process, saying I wanted to just quit and get the hell out of there, the show was bullshit, etc etc. The producer of the show overheard me and I got in trouble so they banished me to a nearby hotel. I told her my plan, that I just wanted to leave, and I wanted to tell Bret that we weren’t meant for each other, and I would leave gracefully and let one of the other two people throw themselves all over him. Once Bret heard that, he was really mad because HE didn’t want to be rejected before he could reject me. So I compromised and I said I would do it on camera and make a big emotional scene to make some good tv. They agreed to that, so I started picking out what I was going to wear, and to my horror, all my clothes suddenly became see-through. And then I woke up in a cold sweat. The end.

I’m relevant

Wow! Someone else is also bothered that Bad Brains are doing promos on MTV. Okay, it’s not just me. None of the kids watching even gets the relevance or the awesomeness…but then again, no one FORCED Band Brains to do it. Yes, maybe they need the paycheck to be able to start making music again, but isn’t being on MTV against absolutely everything they stand for?

Thank god the writer’s strike is over! It looks like Battlestar will have a complete season. Seriously, thank god. I know I make fun of all those other fans of cancelled shows that send the producers all sorts of crap in the mail, but if this season did not get a proper run, you’d see me REALLY lose it. Oh, and the glorious third season (my favorite so far) is on dvd March 18.

My Little Pony is 25! There’s some sort of display going on in NYC. Hint hint for anyone that lives there to go and take pics for me. I read an article recently that claimed that the early ponies looked like ponies, and the more recent ones look like underage porn stars. You be the judge:

THEN:

NOW:

Kathrine Heigl, you are on my shitlist

One, for not having sufficient amount of vowels in your name. Two, for complaining that her character in Knocked Up is offensive to women. Then, after that rant, starring in the monstrosity 27 Dresses and renewing her contract on Grey’s Anatomy. If she is so into having good roles for women, what the hell? Then she signs on to what sounds like to be the straight-to-video sequel to How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days:

A cute but chauvinistic on-air TV stud (Gerard Butler) enlists his perfect-but-somehow-still-single producer (Katherine Heigl) to jump through hoops in the real dating world, thus hopefully proving all his theories about love are right on.

Oh my god. Do ya think they get together in the end? Do you think there will be a wacky montage of all her disasterous dates? Do you think there will be a Jewel song on the soundtrack?

This sounds like a Sweet Valley High Novel

I know we are still sitting shiva for the loss of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody since its cancellation, but it seems good news in on the horizon. The gange (minus Tisdale) are heading for the high seas!

In the new series, twins Zack and Cody Martin (Dylan and Cole Sprouse) and hotel heiress London Tipton (Song) enroll in a semester-at-sea program aboard luxury cruise liner the S.S. Tipton. Dutiful hotel manager Mr. Moseby (Lewis) follows to keep an eye on the boss’ daughter, who, along with the tourists and students attending classes on Deck Eight, must deal with the twins’ mischievous ways.

I couldn’t write a better pitch for a tv show if I tried. Aren’t the twins like eleven? Is it really appropriate for them? How will their credits tranfer? Who is running the Tipton hotel while Mr. Moseby is away? I wonder if the twins are addicted to heroin yet. This is keeping me up at night.

it sucks to come home

Hello, I know I promised to blog from Vegas but damn, I was just having too much fun. You’d be proud, I stayed out past ten every night I was there. Be on the lookout, this weekend I am going to sit down and write about my adventures. I hope you all enjoyed my text updates. Which leads me to…my phone broke! I can’t text! It’s the Armageddon! I’m getting a new phone, stat. May be an excuse to get the Voyager.

I’ll bet you were wondering what French child pop singer Jordy was up to these days. Also, I watched I Know Who Killed Me, and I killed myself. Also watched Shoot ‘Em Up and it was basically Clive Owen porn. Him running around shooting people set to indie music. I could watch that for hours.

Yes, yes, yes, I know Lost premieres tonight and no, I won’t be able to watch it. I’ll dl it and watch it over the weekend. I miss my friends, but not Jack or Kate. I want to see what crazy ol’ Desmond is up to these days. I did catch the premiere, and I was not impressed. I guess watching it week to week is not good, but it crawls along slowly. The whole secret the “Oceanic 6″ is covering up could be interested, and it would be good to see more characters.