ad hoc.

…for playing old metal videos that remind me of yesteryear when the art of a video consisted of the band playing in a cheesy set and some random model strutting about. Are these for real?

Alice Cooper- “Poison”. Man, I used to think this song was so BADASS. That, to me, was like real heavy metal. The video is not much, except for the last 30 seconds which is so CHOICE.

Ah, the Bret Michaels of a bygone era. Let me burn an image of this in my mind when I watch Rock of Love. How over the top were poison? CC and the boys walking down Hollywood boulevard in tight pants, high heeled boots and full makeup was like my idea of heaven. And Bret popping out of the Murphy bed? Wooo! I have to go fan myself.

Clive Owen makes me feel funny…down there.

Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey are going to be gay together! The only thing better would be a movie where Ewan does it with Christian Bale while wearing eye makeup. What? That exists? Little known fact about me: I find Jim Carrey oddly attractive. I know! Ew! We are not talking Ace Ventura era, we are talking post-2004, Jenny McCarthy-dating, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Jim Carrey. I’ll bet they are going to change the plot where the two guys are just bffs, not lovers. But a girl can dream.

This movie makes me want to rip out my ovaries and stomp on them until they are bloody pulp, if this is what being female is all about.

The “plot”:

A young woman (Heigl) who has made a career out of being a bridesmaid but never a bride faces her worst nightmare when her sister (Malin Åkerman) becomes engaged to the man of her dreams. Luckily, the wedding brings around the man (Marsden) who will change her bridesmaid status for good, along with the help of her nephew Brett (Ryan Laskey).

How much do you want to bet there will be montages set to Kt Tunstall or some shit like that? Or I’ll bet there will be a zany chase scene and the couple finally meet up on a busy street, stopping traffic, and when they kiss the whole city will cheer. Oh, how about a scene where the main character gets depressed and some girlfriends arrive with some chubby hubby to cheer her up. Maybe an overcontrolling mother? Probably a sterotypically gay wedding planner in there too. I’ll bet the sister will have cold feet the day if her wedding but Katy Heigl will calm her down and convince her to go through with it, even though she loves James and it will be the most selfless.act.anyone’s.ever.committed. Oo, ooo, oo, I’ll bet James will realize he loves Katy Heigl right when he is at the latar before he says “I do” and announces his true love to everyone, devastating the sister, but then they will get married but the SISTER will have to be the bridesmaid. Hardy har! I could go on forever.

But damn you James Marsden! Stop being charming and wasting your hypnotic bone structure in these crappy movies. You are cyclops! Cyclops doesn’t deal with this shit, he fucking kills people with his eye lasers. Get a grip.

First things first…how awful is the SATC movie trailer? I can’t bring myself to watch. Please let me know how horrid it is. [youtube link]

Um…uh…I need to be alone for a minute.

I’m Learning To Share!: Fashion ads from Ebony Magazine, 1970 - ‘76

Black Kids: Artist to Watch 2008 Hate the name, love this band.

The Joker Revealed Early! - Superhero Hype! Looks pretty stupid, imo.

A First Show for Banksy in New York Went overnight from vandalizing subway cars to being a favorite of Brangelina.

It’s news like this that made me wish I never left New York.

Seth Rogen’s Girlfriend: Pissy, Pretty [Snap Judgment] I am so jealous I could scream.

Christian Bale needs to understand that he doesn’t need to take EVERY ROLE HE IS OFFERED.

Whaaaa? Dropkick Murphys on CNN?

Speed Racer movie: stupid or awesomely kitschy?

Anthiny Bourdain + Queens of the Stone Age + food = my ultimate fantasy

Against my better judgement I saw Enchanted. Oh hell, who am I fooling, I intiated the whole outting. I needed something totally mindless and entertaining. Although I swore off Disney movies forever, I figured a Disney movie that makes fun of Disney movies would be good. They really did have a go at themselves, and the beginning animated sequence included every cliche in Disney movies. I am not sure if the kiddies will get the sardonic respresentation, but oh well. However, in true Disney fascism, they are equal opportunity offenders, where they showed stereotypes of “supposed” Middle Eastern cab drivers, angry black women, horny gay men, and practically crucifed the chipmonk. The whole love story thing made me cynical too- how did they really end up together? Does she even use the bathroom? How do they explain their relationship to people? And I don’t think that was part of the irony. Also, I am over Patrick Dempsey at the heartthrob. I was kind of on the bandwagon when he made his comeback, but I’m over it. I think they should totally re-release Loverboy.

But James Marsden, be still my heart, totally played the dumb prince to perfection. Check out the tights! My obsession with him is growing. I also saw Hairspray this weekend and passed a couple of Gap ads with him in it as well. His bone structure can solve world peace.

I’ve really held back on posting the hot celebrity pics on here, mostly because it was out of control and mostly because I now have this. However, I have a new celeb obsession that I need to shout to the world! I need to shout it to the rooftops!

Zachary Quinto. Damn. The moment he cut open someone’s heads and ate their brains on Heroes I knew it was meant to be. I haven’t fell this hard since Ewan McGregor.

And then even better news- my prominently-browed imaginary boyfriend will be playing a young Spock in the Star Trek movie. Is it wrong that him with the Spock ears totally does it for me? I’m sick.

Did a little research and found he played the gay assistant on So NoTORIous. I considered renting the season on dvd, but really, that’s going too far. So I managed to snag this clip, if you sit through the first half of Tori’s horse face, you can see Zinto half naked in a sauna making out with another man.

He is not even trying anymore. His new one looks like it was spliced from his other movies. Despite the Ewan factor, it looks gawd awful.

Some bar in New York has a drink called The “Heathers” and it is blue and served in a coffee mug. I should have thought of that and make a killing. Pun intended, bwah hah!

Rolling Stone, god bless them, has a cover story about the old school Guns N Roses. Oh, Axl, remember those days? Where you attacked audience members! And were in therapy eight hours a day?

How awesome does Californication look?

Ann M. Martin is writing again!

Quick perc roundup: SBC, Bale, Clive Owen, Cillian. More to come.

Just some thoughts on my weekend…

There is an open-air amphitheater only a few blocks from where I live, and there are concerts there once every few weeks, and I didn’t realize that the sound carries so much…but Friday night I heard Daft Punk loud and clear while I was sitting in my living room. NOYCE! The White Stripes are coming in a few weeks, so I will be able to hear Jack White screeching from the comfort of my own home. If you know what I mean.

I’ve been absent from live music for so long, and I broke my streak on Saturday when I saw M.I.A. I was totally blown away, and I have a total girlcrush. I think she may be even short than me. By the by, I got a copy of her new album and it blows my mind. I sent it to a couple of you already.

Have you seen The Two Coreys on A&E? I’m surprised some high-brow channel like A&E would totally jump on the has-been stars bandwagon, but come on, it’s the Coreys! (Haim and Feldman, for those of you raised under a rock). Okay, so it is totally staged, but it is ironically touching. Corey H. gets all pumped about the idea of making Lost Boys 2, and then Corey F. has to sit him down and let him know someone is already making it, and they didn’t want him. It was a lil heartbreaking to see a bloated Corey Haim crying and wondering where his life and career went. Also, Corey F.’s annoying and co-dependent wife is always getting in the way when Corey H. just wants to hang with his best bud. Riveting television. t also made me realize that I must have seen License to Drive about a gazillion times. I don’t remember even liking it. [Check out the Times take on it.]

Oh jeez, I am embarassed to admit this, but I sat through an episode of Rock of Love (essentially Flavor of Love but with Bret Michaels). I have never heard “bitch” and “slut” used so freely, and that’s just among the women. VH1 thinks they own the rights to popular culture. Seriously, they should be ashamed of themselves for exploiting these horrendous stereotypes for the sake of ratings. I bet they believe they are so far ahead with their programming, where they are seriously setting everyone back. Regardless I did watch it. Part of me was insanely jealous because I want to nail Bret Michaels. YES I KNOW he is gross and incredibly pathetic, but in my tween years he was my ultimate fantasy. I watched the Every Rose has its thorn video about a thousand times because at the beginning he gets out of bed in his bikini briefs. I hate myself.

Other than that, I officially finished The Deathly Hollows, and I will write my official stance on it soon. So prepare yourselves, it won’t be 100% positive. I also started reading Punk Rock Dad, more about that soon.

Uuuummm, I am kind of embarassed that I am obsessed with the new Mark Ronson album, Version. He is a producer/DJ and he made this album basically to brag about all his famous friends. He’s kind of like DJ AM, minus the gastric bypass. He produced this album of indie rock covers, all featuring some pretty notable people. I’m not gonna lie, it’s all I’ve been listening to. His first compilation, Here Comes the Fuzz, is pretty good too. Here’s my favorite tracks.

05-valerie-feat-amy-winehouse.mp3

11-the-only-one-i-know-feat-robbie.mp3

02-oh-my-god-feat-lily-allen.mp3

05-i-suck-feat-rivers-cuomo.mp3

Another bonus? He’s pretty smokin’ hot. Although he moved fron London when he was like three, so what’s with the accent?

You finally realize that you are too old to watch MTV. I sat through the MTV movie awards, getting douchechills the whole time. I am seriously too old for this shit. Sarah Silverman was actually kind of funny. Although I am not a fan, I felt bad because her brand of humor went right over their heads and most of the audience sat there pretty dumbfounded. There were incredibly homophobic moments throughout, which is always amazing. Awesome. Rihanna did a performance and looked like shit. The whole thing was a huge commercial for the Tranformers the movie, which looks really dumb. The only highlights were Zac Efron looking cute and obviously being totally psyched to be there, Amanda Bynes looking like an orange hooker, Sascha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell making out, just as I had hoped for, Amy Winehouse giving a fantastic live performance of “Rehab”, and Johnny Depp proving he is the coolest mofo alive. I swear, he stopped aging at 32.

I wasn’t so thrilled with “The Icky Thump” single when I first heard it, but somehow seeing the video totally made me realize its full potential. It’s nice to see them going back their roots — Jack shredding and Meg pounding, plus the monochrome red outfit.

Now I am really excited for the album the ‘Stripes have a tendency to alternate good albums with bad ones. Self-titled (eh), De Stijl (great), White Blood Cells (terrible), Elephant (life-changing), Get Behind Me Satan (blech). They are due for a masterpiece. And Jack White, what else can I say…DM!

Squeeeeee!!!! Pics from High School Musical 2! Not that I’m excited or anything.

AhhhhhAAAAAHHHHaaaahhhhhh!

Sharpay looks like a drag queen, Ryan looks….uh…Troy looks plastic and Gabriella looks anorexic and like she had botox.

Oh, apparently, the cast members of color had to be in a separate picture.

Oh, there’s a plot? Apparently “Once East High is out for the school year, the cast heads to the Country Club for the summer”. Duh, obviously that’s what you do once school is out.

I hate myself.

More here.

British rugby players discussing which players are the best looking. Exactly.

A cat that plays piano duets. Squeeee!

Bruno talks about post and pre-terrorism fashion. Never gets old.

Ok, this one in NOT entertaining. It is the trailer for I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry. It stands for everything I loathe. It plays off of violence and disgust of gays for comedy. Hahaha, two straight guys have to pretend to be gay. Hahahaha, when they have to kiss at the wedding, one punches the crap out of each other. Hahahahahaha. Jessica Biel doesn’t mind getting naked right away because the guys are gay. Hahahahaha. Everyone will laugh because the macho guys are forced to act feminine. Hahahahahaha. Everyone knows homophobia and violence towards gays are the way to sell tickets. Just ask Snickers. Oh, and the kicker- of course they use Mika’s “Grace Kelly” in the trailer, most likely because it sounds jaunty and “gay” and he sings in falsetto. I actually can’t believe Mika would allow his song to be used in such a disgusting display. The hell.

Jake shopping at Whole Foods. Sad thing is…I can’t decide what is more appealing, him in the white t-shirt or his groceries.

John and Jessica may be getting married. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Evangeline Lilly gets Punk’d. I have GOT to start watching Lost.

Tons of shirtless Prince Harry photos have been all over. I’ll admit I am looking, but is it me or does he look like a complete asshole/wiseass.

John Krasinski is in some incredibly dumb rom com with Mandy Moore. But he looks pretty cute. Isn’t that what matters?

William Beckett brings the thinspiration for emo boys.

A night out with the Klaxons.

Hmmmm…what’s cuter than Rufus? Rufus in lederhosen, obvi!

Check out the ecard for more shameless cuteness. I wasn’t wowed over his last album, but this sounds pretty good.

Ok, first off, remember the show Undressed on MTV? It was the place to see the most awkward acting ever, and was the chance to see stars on the rise like Brandon Routh, Katee Sackoff, Adam Brody, and others. It was so bad you had to watch. They were always stories about sex that took place in some cheap set that looked like a dorm room. Good news, MTV is running a five hour marathon late night on Tuesday. Yessss!

I don’t know what is up with The Guardian, but apparently their idea of an important news story is handing Patrick Wold random objects and having him do some free association and talk about them. Weird. Not that I mind. I’m not liking the new hair. More pictures from a concert. If not onstage, I think people would mistake him for an escaped mental patient. Or one of the Lost Boys from Hook.

Oh, this rocks my world. Have you ever seen a trailer and wondering what song is used has kept you up at night? Your problems are solved.

Which colonial fleet member will come out first? Some say Gaeta.

Some hotness:

Wow, John Krasinski in some historical movie about vintage football players. Cuuuuuuute!

James McAvoy photoshoot.  

Whoa, came across the new promo pic for The White Stripes upcoming Icky Thump. I know they are into the black/red clothing, but why not stick with the t-shirts?

Meg looks like she was totally forced into the whole mess.

I’m still loving it though.

I think I have those shoes.

He did a couple of live shows, check the reviews and pictures here. Also, an interview in Attitude magazine. Also, are you curious about him covering the classic “Moon River”? Look no further.

Swoon!

Rosario: ugh. Rose: hawt.

Yes, this movie goes against everything I stand for, but it looks so fucking good.

Ewan M. doing promotional appearances on French televsion. SWOON

Gaspard something something in French Vogue.

Gaspard something something smoking. DOUBLE SWOON.

Adam Brody in a bathrobe.

Peter Sarsgaard with fam and looking like crap.

Demetri Martin in the new Fountains of Wayne video.

Zac Efron/James Marsden in Hairspray.

Sacha Baron Cohen out and about. Why you so tall?

I’ll be in DC for the long weekend, so posting will be scarce. In the meantime, you can spend some time looking at pictures of Guispard Ulliel. Schwing!

Or learn how to stop Peter Bjorn and John from becoming more comfortable.

Clive Owen’s Lancome ad. Yummy!