ad hoc.

“I am more interested in what my friends think of me than what I think of myself” is the powerful line delivered by Troy Bolton in the denouement of High School Musical 2, which I finally watched this morning. Is that really supposed to be inspiring?

HSM2, as it’s known to the true fans, could either be a film that lacks self-awareness or is so self-aware it’s all a joke on us. Watching it, I would think it’s a parody of all cheesy musicals. The extreme overacting (I’m looking at you, Corbin Bleu), the hackneyed plot, the horrible musical numbers, etc. I also feel like some of the staging was so bad, why didn’t they reshoot the scene? Sometimes I had to turn away, especially during Zac Efron’s tour-de-force “Bet On It” dance through the golf course.

I don’t like to go on things based on stereotypes, but this was also one of the gayest movies I’ve ever seen. How can Ryan Evans NOT be gay? The fashion sense, the momma’s boy complex, he does musical theater, always hangs out with his sister. Sharpay is practically a drag queen with her makeup, costumes and over the topness. And pretty boy Zac Efron is basically molded from plastic during the movie and is practically the archetype of a twink.

Maybe the creators had this in mind, and wanted to make a campy parody movie. Or maybe they thought they were making a really good musical. Yikes.

And it has to be said, this one pales in comparison to the original, where the songs were catchy and well done, for pop songs. I wasn’t feelin’ any of the songs in this one, except maybe “Gotta Go My Own Way” because it was a bit cheesy and sounded like your archetypal broadway show-stopper.

Oh no, first it was porno My Little Ponies, and now there is a new toy coming out that is supposed to be My Little Pony meets Bratz, which is named, no joke, Strutz.

Don’t adjust your eyes. Those horses are indeed wearing hakter tops and fuck-me heels. Why oh why?

Wow! Someone else is also bothered that Bad Brains are doing promos on MTV. Okay, it’s not just me. None of the kids watching even gets the relevance or the awesomeness…but then again, no one FORCED Band Brains to do it. Yes, maybe they need the paycheck to be able to start making music again, but isn’t being on MTV against absolutely everything they stand for?

Thank god the writer’s strike is over! It looks like Battlestar will have a complete season. Seriously, thank god. I know I make fun of all those other fans of cancelled shows that send the producers all sorts of crap in the mail, but if this season did not get a proper run, you’d see me REALLY lose it. Oh, and the glorious third season (my favorite so far) is on dvd March 18.

My Little Pony is 25! There’s some sort of display going on in NYC. Hint hint for anyone that lives there to go and take pics for me. I read an article recently that claimed that the early ponies looked like ponies, and the more recent ones look like underage porn stars. You be the judge:

THEN:

NOW:

Hannah Montana uses a “decoy” during her concerts. I guess there are child labor laws or something. Pretty funny. You can see the switch at the 2:15 mark.

Part of on ongoing series where I look at fucked up kids’ toys….

I totally had one of those Barbie stylin’ heads when I was little, you know, the one that is just a head with a purpose of styling their [synthetic, stringy nylon] hair and putting makeup on it. I get it, I do. It made a lot of sense for me, because in reality, all I liked to do was brush my dolls hair. They still makes those things, and it may be just me, but these things are fucking scary these days. Example A:

What the fuck? It’s a head that “talks” and “sings” alongside a mutant monkey child and other animals. If you want nightmares for a week, watch the commercial. It’s bad enought it’s just a head, now it talks to me?

At least these two have each other for company as they spend eternal damnation with no bodies.

This one managed to lift up her hands and get collogen injections before the guillotine dropped.

Oh my god! Even the children are not safe!

Is that war paint?

One of the scariest of them all: This one is clutching a baby dog that looks scared shitless.

Lest we not forget the severed horse’s head.

Hold on tight little girl, because horses and or/robotic horses will overtake humans one day. I’m not sure which ones, but it will happen.

So the hot new toy this year is Butterscotch, a robotronic horse that responds to touch, petting, grooming, and the feeding of a fake carrot. You can also sit on it and when you “bounce up and down” it will make galloping noises. Er, um. Apparently it is all the rage and costs $300. Another fact about it: it is fucking scary. Look at it! What is with that facial expression. I saw the demo in Target and it creeped me out so much I ran and ducked in the Issac Mizrahi section. Horses are also scary animals. They act all docile but in fact in a rage, once horse can probably kill several humans at once. I know the social brainwashing prescribes that all little girls love horses, but I was all, I’ll stick to my 11 1/2 inch Barbies, thankyouverymuch.

Oh my god, there is another one, called S’mores.

Ick. It’s eyes follow you no matter where you go.

No thanks, I’ll stick to Magic Hair Bratz. Or the Hannah Montana special collection. Or the gayest doll ever.

For those of you that know me, you know that I am closet doll-lover. Heck, it’s not that secret, I have Barbies on display in my living room. The phenomenon of the American Girl Dolls is one that still wows me. They came out right around the time when it was no longer socially acceptable for me to really be playing with dolls. However, what is socially acceptable? If someone wanted to buy me an American Doll for Chanukah, I wouldn’t protest. That’s a hint. Just kidding. No I’m not. Or am I?

The premise is that the gals come from historical eras and it is supposed to teach girls about history. Sounds benign enough, right? Well, I just found out they created a new historical doll. Julie, who is from the 1970s. Does it get any better? She lives in the Haight in San Francisco! Woot? And she has a funky Chinese bff from Chinatown, natch. Why didn’t someone call me when this came out? Don’t you know me at all?

So yea, The funny thing is that the intentions is for girls to learn about crucial times in history, but it gets lost on the impact. For instance, the only black doll is…wait for it…an escaped slave from the civil war era. And her story is that she had a hard life, and now is beginning a new life with “nothing but a silver nickel and a smile” or some shit like that. Each doll comes with a set of accessories (which costs, no joke, hundreds of dollars). Now here’s the bed that goes with Samantha. the rich, spoiled Victorial-era gal.

Addie’s bed:

Damn! What girl would CHOOSE Addie’s bed over the other one?

Kaya’s the Native American doll, and for a mere $70, you can buy her teepee! And her worker dog!

Molly, who is from World War II era, accesorizes with camp gear. Hmmm, how much is the shame for the Japanese internment camps? Kirten is from colonial times. Was Addie her actual slave?

You are probably thinking that I am looking too much into it, that they are only dolls. Yes, I suppose that’s true. But, if you are making an attempt at teaching history, it’s pretty sucky when you paint the era as good and feature the clothing and accessories for the dolls as a big sell. If you are going to teach history, be more realistic.

Oh, but I still wasn’t kidding about getting me one for Chanukah. Just kidding. Or not.

Can you belieeeeeve I haven’t seen it yet? The cover makes me want to give myself a papercut and then pour lemon juice on it. I hate Corbin Bleu so much, and he never did anything bad to me.

Omg! Stop the press! The Hills may actually not be real! My world has been turned upside down. It’s no secret that I am drawn to this show like I am drawn to picking my scabs. I know I shouldn’t do it, it will be painful, and the long-term affects of doing it is awful. However, watching it has made me done some internal reflecting:

• I may actually may have more friends than Lauren does. I mean, I know her and Audrina are besties, but do they hang out with anyone else? They go out all the time, don’t you think they would meet other people?
• Lauren must be a genius. is she even still in school? When does Lauren study? Does she bring her books to Le Deux?
• Their parties are so freaking boring. That Halloween party? I just organized an office lunchtime potluck that was crazier than that.
• Whitney may be the only barely tolerable girl on the show. I just wish someone would tell her that she doesn’t need to add an extra “k” to the end of words ending in “ing.”
• My god, these gals are even more awkward on first dates than I am. Which is really scary.
• Justin Bobby? Kind of hot. Just sayin’.
• I hate when Whitney and Lauren freeze out NY intern Emily. At least she DOES HER JOB AND HAS SOME AMBITION! Lauren sits around with a dumb look on her face always waiting to be told what to do.

Against my better judgement I saw Enchanted. Oh hell, who am I fooling, I intiated the whole outting. I needed something totally mindless and entertaining. Although I swore off Disney movies forever, I figured a Disney movie that makes fun of Disney movies would be good. They really did have a go at themselves, and the beginning animated sequence included every cliche in Disney movies. I am not sure if the kiddies will get the sardonic respresentation, but oh well. However, in true Disney fascism, they are equal opportunity offenders, where they showed stereotypes of “supposed” Middle Eastern cab drivers, angry black women, horny gay men, and practically crucifed the chipmonk. The whole love story thing made me cynical too- how did they really end up together? Does she even use the bathroom? How do they explain their relationship to people? And I don’t think that was part of the irony. Also, I am over Patrick Dempsey at the heartthrob. I was kind of on the bandwagon when he made his comeback, but I’m over it. I think they should totally re-release Loverboy.

But James Marsden, be still my heart, totally played the dumb prince to perfection. Check out the tights! My obsession with him is growing. I also saw Hairspray this weekend and passed a couple of Gap ads with him in it as well. His bone structure can solve world peace.

I will admit, I am all over the new Kanye West single, “Stronger”. Sampling Daft Punk? Amazing. I know he acts like a complete cocky asshole, but I think it is all part of the image he is projecting. And you know what? It works. Plus, anyone that wears argyle is alright in my book.

Dload here “Stronger”
or listen here:

All the cool kids will be watching Gossip Girl.

9:01 Peter Bjorn and John’s “Young Folks” is playing in the background. I officially hate them.

9:03 Great, another show where people get a warped view of NYC.

9:05 I saw this the first time when it was called Cruel Intentions.

9:10 Does someone really keep a blog about their classmates? That is so Sweet Valley High.

9:12 During the commercial break, a trailer for Feel The Noise, starring Omarion. God, give me strength.

9:15 I want to stab myself in the eye. But this Penn Badgely fella is cute.

9:18 Why do these kids take the MTA bus to school? Aren’t they supposed to be rich? And why do they look 25?And they randomly hang out on the steps of the Met? Next week, on the steps of the Satue of Liberty?

9:16 Oooooo, burn. Blair didn’t invite Serena to her party. I don’t know which girl is which.

9:19 Ooooo, they just mentioned Myspace. How current!

9:22 Nooooo! Now they are playing an Amy Winehouse song. Stop ruining everything I like! They are having martinis at a hotel bar. At 16. And they go to Bungalow 8 and dance on the tables. Uhhhhh, and I’m the pope.

9:26 Trailer for Fred Clause. Vince Vaughn, what happened to you?

9:30 Grilled Cheese with truffle oil? Wtf?

9:32 The whole scandal is that the blonde one slept with the brunette’s boyfriend and felt so bad that she went away to boarding school. Boo fucking hoo.

9:33 They are having a “Kiss on the Lips” party. As opposed to….what? The “up the ass” party?

9:42 Noooooooooooo!!!! They are playing the Cold War Kids. Stop ruining these bands for me!

9:47 I think I am giving up. Sorry I can’t tell you how it ends.

Holy shit, this freaks me out. His pants are too flared for my liking. How many tween girls (and gay men) are buying this to see if it’s anatomically correct?

You finally realize that you are too old to watch MTV. I sat through the MTV movie awards, getting douchechills the whole time. I am seriously too old for this shit. Sarah Silverman was actually kind of funny. Although I am not a fan, I felt bad because her brand of humor went right over their heads and most of the audience sat there pretty dumbfounded. There were incredibly homophobic moments throughout, which is always amazing. Awesome. Rihanna did a performance and looked like shit. The whole thing was a huge commercial for the Tranformers the movie, which looks really dumb. The only highlights were Zac Efron looking cute and obviously being totally psyched to be there, Amanda Bynes looking like an orange hooker, Sascha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell making out, just as I had hoped for, Amy Winehouse giving a fantastic live performance of “Rehab”, and Johnny Depp proving he is the coolest mofo alive. I swear, he stopped aging at 32.

Well, there are some unfortunate times when I am driving that I have to listen to the radio. To my chagrin, they edited the hell out of Pink’s “U & UR Hand”. They beeped out the word “suck”. I can see if it was used as a verb, but it was used as” you suck”. What? The Pussycat Dolls are all over about looking at my hah hah, and Pink can’t even song an arguably empowering song about not being used as a sex object. Why am I surprised?

In embarassing news, I kind of really like Rihanna’s new single “Umbrella”. It’s good for the gym. Although, she thinks that umbrella has four syllables, which I was not aware of. Is she going to the liberry after this? And then going to eat pasketti?

Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z); “Umbrella”

Wait, I was liking it until I saw the redonculous video.First off, she looks like a real-life Bratz doll. Second of all, dancing and cool outfits are great, but this whole video is basically to show off how skinny she is, and not for the benefit of female empowerment.

I’m getting old.

Squeeeeee!!!! Pics from High School Musical 2! Not that I’m excited or anything.

AhhhhhAAAAAHHHHaaaahhhhhh!

Sharpay looks like a drag queen, Ryan looks….uh…Troy looks plastic and Gabriella looks anorexic and like she had botox.

Oh, apparently, the cast members of color had to be in a separate picture.

Oh, there’s a plot? Apparently “Once East High is out for the school year, the cast heads to the Country Club for the summer”. Duh, obviously that’s what you do once school is out.

I hate myself.

More here.

It’s like 70s porn Barbie. Slutty outfit, rollerskates, lollipop for thesubmissive-daughter-role-play, and star sunglasses. Yessssss!!!!!

Also, did you know there were High School Musical Dolls? I have to get the Troy doll and undress it immediately.

The new Fall Out Boy video for “Thnks for the Mmrs” is kind of stupid.

Not that they were never about the money, but Disney is just so damn greedy, that when they have a successful idea, they milk it for all it is worth. Example: all the straight to video sequels of their classic movies. It’s shameful. And now that they have struck gold with High School Musical, they can’t let it be with the sequel. Now that have a spinoff called Haunted High School musical. And there was a traveling tour (sans Efron) and now…wait for it…High School Musical on Ice. Enough. I understand the purspose of a company is to turn a profit and market their items, but this just seems so blatantly greedy it makes me ill. However, I am stroked for the sequel. The plot looks fantas.

Sharpay Evans, the rich girl whom audiences loved to hate in the original movie, is on a campaign to woo Troy, the basketball coach’s son, away from Gabriella. The setting is a luxurious country club owned by Sharpay’s father, where Troy, Gabriella and their East High classmates have all landed summer jobs. Instead of a school musical, the source of conflict (and more than a few songs) is the club’s annual talent show, and Sharpay is scheming to get Troy to perform a duet.

The whole Troy/Sharpay thing comes out of nowhere, I thought she had some innapppriate shit going on with her brother.

Please hurry with that sequel, they all look about 30.

More cheesy rehearsal pictures here.

Oh, and Zac Efron is a dick: “Personally, I feel no competition with the cast because I’m not going for the same things they are. A lot of them are doing teen music things, and tours, various TV deals and other Disney TV movies and Disney albums. That’s the last thing I want to be doing at the moment. I’m setting my sights a little bit higher.” Apparently that means playing Speed Racer.

They’ve tokenized Asians (Mulan), Middle Easterns (Aladdin), Native Americans (Pocahontas), Gypsies (Hunchback), Mermaids (Little Mermaid), had questionable “African” characters in the Lion King. Who’s left? You’ve probably figured it out by now.

 

Disney shows first black princess

The Frog Princess will mark a return to traditional animation

Disney’s next animated fairy tale, The Frog Princess, will feature the studio’s first black princess. Maddy is an African-American girl living amid the faded grandeur of New Orleans’ French quarter.

The movie will also see a return to the hand-drawn animation process, instead of using computer animation that has become the industry standard.

The film will be made by John Musker and Ron Clements, the team behind The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

Cajun charm

Walt Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook said: “The film’s New Orleans setting and strong princess character give the film lots of excitement and texture.”

Composer and singer Randy Newman will provide music for the film, which promised an “unforgettable tale of love, enchantment and discovery with a soulful singing crocodile, voodoo spells and Cajun charm,” a Disney spokesman said.

The studio said its new princess will be added to its collection of animated princesses used at the company’s theme parks and on consumer products.

The film is set for release in 2009.

“unforgettable tale of love, enchantment and discovery with a soulful singing crocodile, voodoo spells and Cajun charm” Wtf? Way to put all stereotypes in there. Don’t forget to have then eating Jumbalaya all the time.

New video for the song “I Don’t Love You”. Oh, Gerard. I am realizing more and more each day that I lurve this album.

‘Strange House’ is the debut album from Southend’s latest musical export, The Horrors. A raucous mixture of late-60’s psychedelia, rockabilly and malevolent indie splendour, the album is an assured melting pot of influences that proves that The Horrors are a band that have so much more going for them than their image alone.

[THE HORRORS; Strange House]

This band is being hyped as the freaking messiah of indie rock. Hipsters everywhere can’t get enough. Bonus: they are Swedish! I think they sound like The Arcade Fire (but better) meets The Radio Dept. It’s good, melodic stuff. I would check it out, but it may take you a few listens to appreciate the melodic charms. Here’s a thorough review.

[PETER BJORN AND JOHN; Writer's Block] [multiply] [mediafire]

Read the rest of this entry »

Is this

a. The cast of the new Larry Clark film

b. a picture from The Cobra Snake

c. your 13 year old cousin’s myspace photo

d. a new Calvin Klein ad

Apparently, it’s a promo pic from a British “adolescent drama” Skins. It’s kind of like a Degrassi Junior High/Saved By the Bell/Dawson’s Creek thinh except it’s British so therefore awesome. I need to see it immediately. Plus, it has the kid from About A Boy except he is no longer akward and kind of indie. Kind of like Zac Efron on crystal meth.

I wonder if this is coming out on dvd.

[YOUNG LOVE; Too Young to Fight It] [multiply] [mediafire]

You’ll hear this one on the streets of Williamsburg, Brooklyn or on a club kid’s ipod. I guess it’s pretty good. It’s like angsty-indie-dance. Apparently this guy used to front a grunge band, but wanted to explore his pop side. Also, you may recognize the song “Find a New Way” as the theme to the MTV show Dancelife*.

Wikipedia: Young Love

Myspace: Young Love

*Don’t judge. It’s kind of good.