an open letter to office co-workers on Weight Watchers

So well put.

I know some people will think that is directed at them, but really it’s not. It’s a good way to blow off some steam about being thrown into these conversations when you don’t want to be. At my last job I ate lunch with all my coworkers at once (which was nice, until I started my clique) and everyone would talk about calories and food content and such while I was eating my lunch. Fuck off. Now I eat lunch with people who don’t give a fuck what they eat and have extra helpings of french fries and it is awesome.

Oh, what’s even better is when I am eating something and someone wants me to explain why I am vegan and don’t eat bread, while we are eating. So I am forced to tell them: I don’t eat animals because it is mutilation, I don’t eat dairy because cows are raped repeatedly to produce milk for the masses, and I don’t eat bread because it gives me explosive you-know-what. All when we are both eating. Good times.

oh, just some interesting tidbits about my day

Nothing to say really, except that I consumed the flesh of dead animals. I haden’t eaten anything, and I was not going to have the chance to for a long time, so I had a hot dog. Except that it was a chicken-and-apple flavor. WHAT THE FUCK? Who puts those flavors together. Apparently they are supposed to be some of the best in the area, but it has cured me of any longing I have been having for hot dogs. Maybe it was good, because it affirmed my committment.

I also did an exercise where I had to design an amusement park based on significant points and events in my life. I am not one for sharing, and it all came out kind of superficial and I think it made people confused. Here were some of the highlights:

  • a puppy and kitty petting zoo
  • a roller coaster of my moods
  • instead of a “test your strength” column where you have to get the device to reach the top, it was a “guess how many bootleg albums I have”
  • a museum consisting of the history of the feminist movement, the civil rights movement, ancient Rome, and fashions of the 90s.
  • The theme park resort is still in the works, but it will look like a Barbie Dream House, obvi.
  • There is also a new Sweet Valley High themed extension, where all the employees have to be size-six blonds and there is a roller coaster where all the cars are Black Porches. And  a si,u-rode where you have to stay on the back of Todd’s Motorcycle without falling off. Ok, stop me, I could go on forever.