List: Worst albums of 2007, part 4

It’s time for the worst of the worst!

Electric Six, I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me From Being The Master
Wtf. This band was a novelty act with that song “Danger! High Voltage!” about 4 years ago. Someone forgot to tell them to stop making albums.

Evanescence, The Open Door
When your founder and main songwriter leaves the band, that should be a hint. But no, Amy Lee decides she needs to continue to be the real life version of Emily the Strange and “write” deep songs about her ex-boyfriend from shitty bands and try to write about being depressed with a song called “Lithium”. Shit, I doubt that she even knows who Nirvana is.

Good Charlotte, Good Morning Revival
Sure, GC may be an easy target, but let’s not forget, their earlier album was actually on my best of 2000s list. But when you knock up Nicole Richie and hang out at the Ivy, where does your motivation to write songs come from? What do you even write about? You get this where they “experiement” with “rapping” and seem to take themselves way too seriously.

Joanna Newsom, Joanna Newsom and the Ys Street Band
This is the biggest example of The Emperor’s New Clothes of music of the year. Makes my ears bleed maggots.

List: worst albums of 2007, part 3

Ok, I knew what I was up against when I started posting these lists. I’ve had to refect at least 20 comments about this because they were pretty unproductive and basically name-calling. How many times do I have to say this? This is my opinion, nothing else. If you want to disagree and tell my why, that is fine, but really, name calling is not necessary. Other people have best-of lists that include The Hold Steady and Joanna Newsome, which basically give me ear diarrhea, but that’s why it’s an opinion. “Good” music is subjective. Okay? Ready? Let’s move on.

The Mooney Suzuki, Have Mercy
Please have mercy on us by not releasing anymore albums. Your poor, overproduced attempt at garage rock is tiring.

Mxpx, Secret Weapon
I can’t believe I would ever hear myself saying I was a fan of a Christian pop-punk band, but mxpx has a soft space in my heart. Then they turned into adults and are still singing about girls that are holding hands with another boy, and hanging out at the local soda shop or crap like that. Not that they need to change their entire image, but musical growth would be nice.

The Bravery, The Sun and the Moon
I was a huuuuge fan of their debut self-titled album, even when crtics panned them as a pre-selcted, Monkees-esque New York hipster band. However, they were not even trying. It’s like their manager woke them up early one morning, dragged them into the studio, and forced them to record something.

Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing
Believe it or not, her second album was an album I actually enjoyed. It was great pop-rock with a semi-decent independent-woman message. Then she created a new genre called brat-rock. And blatantly ripped off other people’s songs.

Motion City Soundtrack, Even If It Kills Me
Listening to this will kill me, because it’s so whiny. They have potench, you all know how I feel about bands with electric keyboards. Why so bad then?

Kaiser Chiefs, Yours Truly, Angry Mob
Snore.

Bad Brains, Build a Nation
I know, I know! I can’t believe I am including a Bad Brains album on here. However, sometimes the time and era that music came out impacts its greatness. I just want to remember BBs as the pioneers they were in the late eighties, not with new stuff.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Living with the Living
When Ted Leo’s first album came out, I somehow convinced myself that it was fun and quirky, but I was probably just rationalizing. Then a few more albums came out that sounded exactly the same. Finally I realized that his songwriting annoys me.

The Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
Prime example of the Emperor’s New Music. I don’t get it.

Coming up: the absolute worst of the worst.

See previous bad albums.

List: Worst albums of 2007, part 2

Check out Part one.

LCD Soundsystem, Sounds of Silver
Sounds of boredom.

Simian Mobile Disco, Attack Sustain Release
I have made several attempts to really sit down and listen to this, but I can’t even tell you about the songs they are so insignificant.

Bright Eyes, Cassadaga
I’m over it.

Blaqk Audio, Cex Cells
AFI’s Davey Havock attempts and electoclash record. What you have is the soundtrack to a bad porno. How can I take a band that has a song called “Stiff Kittens” seriously?

She Wants Revenge, This is Forever
Interpol and Hot Topic want their identities back.

Reel Big Fish, Money For Nothing and Your Chimps for Free
I feel bad putting this there because I really adore RBF. They have been around a while, but once the 3rd wave ska trend came along they rode the shit out of it, and deserved to. Now that’s over, and the guys are clinging to it. This album is like the equivalent of them playing karaoke at a New Jersey truck stop and crying about where their careers went.

The Donnas, Bitchin’
The Donnas’ moment passed about 10 years ago. Stop making records.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Some Loud Thunder
I still cannot understand the hype. I really tried, I really did.

The Oohlas, One Stop Pop
Strike one is that they are on Ultragrrl’s obnoxious record label, Stolen Transmission. Strike two is that they are horrible.

The Worst albums of 2007, part one

Before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, let’s just clarify that this entire blog consists of editorial content. That means it is clearly subjective. I am okay with people with differing opinions, but whenever I do these things, I inevitably get someone who starts cursing at me and calling me an idiot. Which is not necessary. My definition of bad, as used here, means either incredibly disappointing, overproduced, not worth the hype, or total letdowns. Clearly there were several horrible albums released this year, but really to name all of them would be ridiculous. These are ones that I came across in my travels which left really bad tastes in my mouth. And ears.

Edit: this is a four-part list. See the other crappy albums here.

The Arctic Monkeys, Favorite Worst Nightmare.
Fresh on the heels of their debut over hyped album, they shit this one out real quick hoping their accents and overall hipness would save it. The songs all sound the same to me, does nothing for me.

Ash, Twilight of the Innocents
Ash have essentially given up gaining a following in the US, but they are not really pleasing anyone right now. Gone were the days of “Girl From Mars” or any semblance of a good song. Even the album cover is half-assed. It looks like I just made it on Microsoft publisher.

Rilo Kiley, Under the Blacklight
How can a band go from having one of the top five albums of the 21st century release something so boring? Jenny Lewis went off for a while and did her solo country album, which was decent, but Jenny, it’s not about you. This album tries to be country and pop, and it bored me to tears. So sad.

The Horrors, Strange House.
I don’t get it. I like garage punk, the Misfits, and British bands that dress well. So why don’t I like this album? I am really missing something.


Cartel, Cartel.
It’s not because they are pop-punk, or a bit cheesy, or the teenies love them. Even the publicicty stunt of living in a bubble while they recorded this album couldn’t help it from sucking miserably.

More to come. I am assembling my best of 2007 list as we speak. Unless something comes out in the next six weeks, I think I’m almost done.