If I see giant owls to ride on, it will be over.

Lots of you directed me towards the news that Universal will open a Harry Potter themepark. Although it is certain I will go, I can’t help but wonder if it is really to continue the magic of the books, or to rake in more money? Both, I guess. Also, Disney was bidding for the rights and I am GLAD they lost! Disney, you can’t own everything. I would love to see a Hogwarts castle replica. Will there be actors walking around as Hogwarts characters? And Hogsmeade! So cool.

Here are some other attractions I hope to see:

  • Prof. McGonagall’s Wild Ride (you figure it out)
  • A roller coaster based on the Maurauder’s map
  • The veiled abyss (like the one in the Ministry) where you can push your child down and they can experience waking death.
  • A chamber of secrets simu-ride where you can virtually gouge out the eyes of a basilisk.
  • A recording booth where an engineer can turn your voice into parceltongue. For $39.99 you can take the cd home with you.
  • A restaurant that only serves the meat from magical creatures. (Like a hyppogriff burger)
  • A live musical stage show glorifying child abuse, starring the Dursleys
  • There will be two hotels on the grounds. One is where you can stay in a replica of Sirius Blacks’ house, and the hotel staff have to dress like house elves. The other is the economy motel, where you stay in replicas of a cupboard under the stairs. No bathrooms available. The shampoo and conditioner they give you will come in potions bottles, with “Hair by Snape” labels. Your express check out bill will be selivered by owl.
  • Similar to Epcot’s World Showcase, there will be a World Showcase including France (full of leggy blonds who shake their asses) and Bulgaria, where there are only men who sulk and grunt at you while wearing fur.
  • If you can speak in a convincing British accent the whole time, you can get 10% your admission price.
  • If you are there on your honeymoon, you can buy Harry/Cho costumes to walk around in. You can even have your wedding there, and the reception will be a recreation of the Yule Ball, and the honeymoon suite will look like Dumbedore’s office. Kinky, right?
  • As you get on the parking lot tram, someone will throw green powder on you to make you think you are traveling by floo powder.
  • A roller coaster where passengers sit in blue Ford Angila.

3 thoughts on “If I see giant owls to ride on, it will be over.

  1. Robin, you should ABSOLUTELY be consulted when they build this park. These ideas were so good, they sent me into a 5 minute coughing fit! Good job! Love it.

  2. Completely agree with the above – ace ideas! But how about, rather than receiving a 10% discount for a fake accent, genuine Brits like myself get their air fare payed? ;-) I need to get over there once it’s built!

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