list: bands that need to call it a day

Some bands should just do themselves a favor and call it a day. You want to be like Cheers, going out on top, and not like Friends.

Mxpx: sure you were kind of on top of yor game and the forefront of the Christian rock genre, but you all are 35 with kids, gettng kind of old to be singing about being afraid of girls and having parties at your parents’ house.

Maroon 5: Songs About Jane was amazing. Now it’s just going through the motions and Adam Levine seducing every camera he sees.

Good Charlotte: sure, when you first came out onto the scene you were adorable, and your songs about growing up fatherless and working class in Maryland were endearing, but now you hang out at the Ivy with Nicole Ritchie- what the hell can inspire you now?

Cyndi Lauper/Alanis Morisette: when you rerecord your album from more than a decade ago to try to restart your career, you know it’s time to go.

Velvet Revolver: this band serves as a halfway home for overindulgent has-beens.Don’t try to chase that dream, just count your royalies and call it a day.

Corbin Bleu: I can see how you would want to cash in on your High School Musical fame, but really anyone cares about is Zefron, so don’t even try.

Bad Brains: my god, they were so influential, but why record an album now? Kids today will so not appreciate it. Just let us have the memories.

The Pixies: you changed the face of music as we know it , and practically invented the 90s, and Kurt Cobain himself has admitted to copying you in much of his songwriting, but why reunite? Frank Black can barely get through a song without having to sit down. If you quit now, you will be indie rock gods of the 90s. If you reunite, you are about 30 seconds from appearing on Celebreality on VH1.

U2: stop shoving your politics down our throats and branding your name on everything. Besides, everysong released sounds like “Beautiful Day”.

Foo Fighters: Dave Grohl’s boring frat-boy rock has canceled out any amazing qork he did with Scream and Nirvana.

Evanescence: I proudly admitted that I liked Fallen, and for goth-pop-rock it was pretty fucking rad. Then about 18 people quit the band and Amy Lee went on a Hot Topic-sponsored ego trip and The Open Door was pathetic. The original lineup will never be there, so just call it a day.

Phantom Planet: I don’t see how it is ever humanly possible to live up to the awesomeness of their debut album, and now they’ve lost half their lineup. No use even going on.

The Jesus and Mary Chain: you reunite and have Scarlett Johansen do your backup vocals? That’s a sign right there. Just pack it up.


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