A George Michael retrospective

o last week I went to see George Michael and it was fantastic! Quite frankly I had forgot that I was going and I had no expectations. Once there I realized that I am probably a bigger GM fan than I thought. I forgot that I loved his stuff, and was totally all about the Faith album and even Listen Without Prejudice. I won’t like, anything after the 90s really doesn’t do it for. Anyway, he put on a great show, but he is showing his age. He had to sit down for a few songs and even took an intermission! I love it. Next thing you know he’ll be playing cruise ships.

Even better, it got me to realize just how fucking awesome Wham! was. Pure genius. Too bad George is embarrassed about it and didn’t play a lot of Wham!. Their songs were pretty fantastic and the kitchiness of their presentation gives me a pop culture orgasm. Also, why were people scandalized when George came out? I mean, just what in the hell is going on here? Chelloooo!!

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I for one am totally anticipating the tell-all autobiography he is supposedly writing. More importantly, I want to get inside Andrew Ridgely’s mind. What is he up to? According to Wikipedia, he married a gal from Bananarama. You go Andy, you go.

And now may I present my favorite George Michael moments. I am sure George is not proud of some of these. In fact, expect some major cringing when it happens.

“Father Figure” To me this video was soooo scandalous when I first saw it. And I barely understood it! And I still don’t! So relationship violence and stalking are hot? Ok! It made me think I was cool because I had bangs.

“I’m Your Man” George did this in concert and they played the video on the background. The whole place collectively orgasmed, myself included. Watch George “act” in the prelude. It’s Oscar worthy. Also, this is the debut of one of his signature hip swaying moves, one of only about three moves he has.

“Everything She Wants” Oh, George, now she says that she’s having your baby, how much harder do you need to work for her? George and Andrew show us their second signature move, spinning around in unison. Also, the highlight at the 3:08 mark: George is disgusted by the woman in his bed. Are you telling us something, George????????

“Freedom” Oh wow, how condescending. Wham! does their first tour in China and they’re all look at all these adorable Chinese people! Aw, look they go to work! They ride bikes! They fence! They’re just like us white people! Highlights: at the 3:24 mark, Andrew gets all rock star at a press conference. At 3:40, they play a round of soccer in some tight sweatpants. Yeeks! at 5:30, there is evidence that Milli Vanilli stole their moves from Wham!

“Careless Whisper” Nothing to say but it’s a fucking awesome song. How come saxophones aren’t used as much anymore?

“Prayin’ For TIme” This is just ridiculous. Apparently George was too busy perfecting his five o clock shadow look, and didn’t have time to make a video, so some geeky tech dude just put up the lyrics.

“Wake My Up Before you Go-Go” Oh, the classic. In my vision George chose his own outfits. Hmmm, color-block short shorts, pink sweatshirt and yellow fingerless gloves? Why not? The black light portion is a must-see.

“Monkey” Ok, this may be a throwaway single that no one remembers, but I have fond memories of this one. George dresses as a gay Amish person spliced with concert scenes. Genius!

“Club Tropicana” ZOMG! Wham! video or gay porn? can’t even WATCH this! The cringe factor!

“Edge of Heaven” This was apparently Wham!’s farewell single, so why not go out in style. I love live-in-concert videos that do not utilize any microphones or amplifiers. Note to George, please lose the jeans with no back pockets as well as the cropped fringe jackets. But that’s just me.

And the best…..

“Too Funky” The art direction on this video would make Dave LaChappelle cry. I could watch this over and over. Highlight: a teenage Tyra Banks. Other highlight: I was totally into the bike mirror corset.

Pride

Went to my first SF Pride today, and promptly left early. It was the most crowdest event I have ever been with. Really, I was mostly into the parade, which was over three hours long. No joke. I think everyone and their mother marched in the parade, so who the hell was left to watch it? I totally have a newfound crush on Gavin Newsom now that I’ve seen him in person. Also newsflash: Margaraet Cho looks like shit lately. And, apparently, Cyndi Lauper makes her money by making appearances at Pride festivals around the country.

I am really wondering what kind of statement for Price walking around in the nude has. I mean, sure, it’s about expressing your sexuality and loving your body I suppose, but that is so not necessary. I’m talking about both men and women. Call me old fashioned. Go ahead.

TiVo, my love

So I did what every good patriotic American is supposed to do, which is to spend their stimulus check on expensive electronics to fill the empty void in our lives. So I got a TiVo! My plan was that it will make me watch LESS tv, in that it will be more purposeful.

It is pretty fucking cool, right down to the fun noise it makes! Although, I do feel like it is growing a mind of its own, and, quite frankly, silently judging me. For some reason, no matter what I do, it keeps recording Stargate SG-1. What is it trying to tell me?

So not cute.

Anyone else really fucking annoyed by this Wall-E hype? Cutesy Pixar movies annoy me enough, but seriously, this totally reeks of Johnny Number Five from Short Circuit. I’ll bet a hundred bucks that is has the same damn plot as EVERY OTHER Pixar movie. Some underdog type cute character by some bad luck finds itself in a crappy situation, goes on a long journey and meets some interesting “ethnic” characters, finds out about life, and rises from normalcy to be a big hero. Ick. Bring on The Dark Knight already.