Choke

I saw Choke last night and I had low expectations because as you know, movies based on books never do it for me. And, for me, whatever Chuck Palahnuik writes is descended from heaven, so how can anything ever live up? Plus, there’s something about his writing style that just can’t be translated to movie form. Except if you’re David Fincher and you can put in stylistic weirdness that sets the mood.

However, I feel the best work that could have been done was done. Firstly, the casting was perfect. Sam Rockwell continues to be my new creepy husband, and I thought Denny was great, although he was a poor man’s Seth Rogan.

The adaptation was good as well, and it literally followed the same story and sequence, with dialogue taken directly from the book. Like I mentioned, despite following the story pretty closely, there is just something that is lost from the author’s style. Like in the books, he doesn’t reveal too much about characters, and they are characters that you never think would exist in real life, so seeing them in the flesh almost ruins the affect.

I thought the scenes filmed in the colonial theme park were some of the best of the adaptation, and the film did capture the total absurdness of the whole ordeal.

But, here is my major gripe: The ENDING WAS CHANGED TO MAKE IT MORE HOLLYWOOD. Something about Chuck’s books (yes, we are on a first-name basis) is that when they end, the story is often not wrapped up and the turn of events often goes to bleak. However, since their was a “romantic storyline” in this movie, I guess someone told the director they needed to use that. Also, Page Marshall’s delusion was totally changed; in the book, she believes she is sent from the future with a mission to be impregnated so that she can bring the embryo back to her future so she can cure a plague. She later escapes and she and Victor form a weird, bizarre relationship. In the movie she’s just a stressed out medical student who lives a happily ever romance with Victor, or so we are told. Fucking Hollywood.

It would be interesting to see the movie through the eyes of someone who has never read of or heard of the novel.

Speaking of movie adaptations, Blindness opens next week. I’m excited because you know how much I love apocolypse scenarios. It will also be interesting because in the book, none of the characters are actually given names.

American Virgin

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I’m not sure what to think of American Virgin, a comic that I heard was really good. It seemed a little over the top for me. Although a good discussion of sexuality and religion. No doubt the drawing is awesome, but the dialogue is a little over the top. You know you’ve become a comic geek when you find some drawn characters very attractive. Zoinks!

Really bad Movies: Made of Honor

John put it best when he said: “It’s like someone threw rom-com scenarios into a bowl and picked out 5 and then spun a globe and picked whatever location they landed on and then gave it to high school students to write the script.” Best Friend Fall in love when best friend gets engaged? Wacky pairing of womanizer and nerdy girl? Check. Unrealistic portrayal of life in New York City? Wedding Hijinks? Check. Wedding involves family of a different culture and hilarity ensues? Double Check.

Firstly, Patrick Dempsey is supposed to be 32. 32 my ass! He and the love interest, Hannah, meet in college when he climbs into her bed at night after a party and sexually molests her. Fun! You’ve got your potpourri of gender norm jokes, homophobia for comedy’s sake, the overweight bridesmaid trying to fit onto her dress as a subplot, and bad slapstick. Hannah is supposed to be the smart, educated girl, but of course she falls for the rich guy because he’s well, rich. She is swept away by Lucius Vorenus and they have a wedding in Scotland where they can then show the word Scottish people.

She knows that Lucius is not for her when at the rehearsal dinner, he won’t let her have a bite of his chocolate cake. And of course at the last minute, which means right when she is at the altar, she changes her mind and goes with Patrick Dempsey. Big surprise. I sometimes am embarrassed with the cavalier attitude that these movies have towards weddings; it’s a like a big fuck you to gay people in that we can just have weddings and call them off willy nilly.

So how bad was it?

Let’s just say that Patrick Dempsey decides to go for Hannah when he realizes that he is able to say I love you to a dog. Then he steals a horse to go crash the wedding.

New feature! Really bad movies: I Know Who Killed Me

I don’t seem to have any patience for any movies lately, but somehow I am fascinated with horrible movies, or movies that everyone hated. It’s like slowing down to watch a car accident. I am fascinated as to why someone committed it to the big screen and thought it would be okay to release it.

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I don’t know why this was made. Actually, I do. It was because Lindsay wanted a venue where she could do a stripping scene and a horrible sex scene. And it looks like she got her moves from amateur porn. Sadly, an Out Hud song was used in this. I’ve lost a little respect for them.

So how bad was it?

It’s not like it was horrible, it was just a bunch of random scenes spliced together. The plot, if you can call it that, is that some stripper alcoholic had twins and wealthy parents bought one of them. And some killer was after one of them and put her in a box underground. But the stripper’s daughter is thought to be the other gal and thought to have amnesia. And….yea, other stuff happens. Not at all scary.

Coming up: Jaws: The Revenge, Gigli, Made of Honor

It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia

Sometimes I feel like there are shows on that are made specifically for me and me only, as in I can never find anyone else that watches it, much less hears of it. Take IASIP for example, I feel like John and I are the only people that watch it. Someone did once, and they didn’t watch it because “everyone was always yelling all the time.” Um…that’s the point!

I have to say, although it’s even more over the top than seasons 1 and 2, there is something about this show that totally speaks to me. And I am being serious. Think Arrested Development but on crack. Think lots of purposefully offensive storylines and remarks, unlikely scenarios, and people talking over each other all the time, and you’ve got this. A total Jem in my eyes. Oh, and also throw in my kind of off not-so-mainstream attractiveness, and I’m a fan for life.

Bright Shiny Morning

Well, after Oprah handed his ass to him, James Frey proved that he is a good writer, despite maybe not good at telling the truth.

He gets a little sappy, but he does have a knack for being descriptive about characters. Present is the guy who is mean on the outside but with a heart of gold who selflessly takes someone under their wing that does nothing to deserve it (like My Friend Leonard). It’s also like an ethnography of Los Angeles, and more of an ode to the city and its characters.

since I’ve been gone

Well, lots happened since I last updated. Personally, well I won’t get into much personally, but I did get a promotion and am moving to Oakland. Exciting! I will live in an adult apartment away from students.

  • I saw The Dark Knight and was very underwhelmed. Let the hate begin.
  • I have cared 0% percent about the elections. Let the hating begin.
  • I watched Dexter Season 2 and was totally sucked in. How good is a show that makes you side with the serial killer? The suspense was good, not cheesy, and we saw a “human” side of Dexter. Michael C. Hall needs 20 Emmy Awards.
  • Starting watching Skins on BBC America, and it’s touch and go for me.
  • Along with The Dairi Burger, started a Little House on the Prairie blog, because I can’t get enough of blogs.
  • Started writing about The Hills for film.com; that show is so fun to hate.
  • Read a ton, but more about that later.

In my new place, if I lean out my balcony, I can see a palm tree. Barely. Now I really feel like I am living in California.