for all the goyim

I mentioned this Xmas rap song a while back, but someone pointed me towards a video of it. THe boys have the same message to all of my Jesus-worshipping friends as I do: have a funky, funky Christmas. I really meant it.

list: underappreciated New Kids on the Block songs

I recently acquired the digital albums of the days of yore. Realizing that there are some gems on these that didn’t get ENOUGH airplay. I am here to bring these to the surface! It’s only fair!


Who was Maurice Starr fooling? This is basically New Edition’s “Candy Girl” made for white kids.


The boys really spill their hearts out in this one. Each one gets a whole section to themselves, and they tell us their astrological sign and a lil more about what makes them tick. Highlight: Joey M. is all “I’m just a kid”. You can hear him thinking, “Mom, I don’t want to be in the band anymore! Take me home!” Also, I was so pumped that Donnie and I are both Leos. Who am I kidding? I still pumped about that!


Everyone needs a song that explains the raison d’etre behind their band. And one with some very bad rapping.


Omg, not only the best NKOTB songs ever, but maybe one of the best songs ever. This was a hit, but it wasn’t crazy huge, like all the ones that Jordan sang. It has a rocking guitar solo too. And it actually is pretty good, for a pop song.


I always liked this one. It seemed…really intense.


This was showed how mature the guys were. They also stray from many NKOTB canons that we have come to know and love. Firstly, an intro on a mandolin. Then, they sing about the trials and tribulations of being famous, and reminiscing about their expansive career. Then, a full orchestra backing up the chorus! Highlight: “See the girls with the curls in their hair/the buttons and the pins and the loud fanfare”. It’s very Kafka-esque for them to acknowledge their own fame and cultural mark. Trippy.


Jon Knight was getting mad that he really never sang or did anything useful in the band. So they gave him a solo song, and figured they had to give him something simple. It’s not the Happy Birthday song you are thinking of; it’s a blatant ripoff of “Earth Angel”. Why did no one ever pick up on that?


I listened to the shit out of the Xmas album, much to the chagrin of my Jewish parents. This one gives me the biggest douche chills when I listen to it now. Yes, it’s a rap about Christmas. Complete with one of the guys talking is stupid funk voices, which is actually a bit racist. I can’t really make fun too much, because when I was in synagogue choir, we also did a Jewish rap song, about being “Holy…Holy…we shall be holy.” I know my brother can back me up on this one.

What the kids are listening to: Kanye West

I will admit, I am all over the new Kanye West single, “Stronger”. Sampling Daft Punk? Amazing. I know he acts like a complete cocky asshole, but I think it is all part of the image he is projecting. And you know what? It works. Plus, anyone that wears argyle is alright in my book.

Dload here “Stronger”
or listen here:

Consumer reports

These are some “mainstream” upcoming releases that I have gotten my grubby little paws on.

The White Stripes; Icky Thump: As I predicted, this would be a standout album. Although they have proved that they can write slick, commercially appealing songs (like on Elephant) they really have a blues background. This album sounds like Jack and Meg’s hardcore jam sessions and I am okay with that. Comparitively to their other albums, this one sounds most like De Stijl. I am totally in love with this and although it may be a premature evaluation, this may be at the top of my best of the year list. [actual release: June 19]

Listen to “Rag and Bone”. This is def the standout track. Meg and Jack do a call and response (I love her voice) and then the signature guitar riffs and hard drumming. I’m currently listening to this on repeat. AW, IT’S LIKE A MANSION IN HERE!

Here’s another: “Catch Hell Blues

Kelly Clarkson; My December [ actual release: July 24] It’s no secret that despite my disdain for the mainstream, but I feel Breakway was a superb pop album. I think my copy of this album may be an unfinished demo, or maybe a version that is unmixed. Let’s hope so. None of the songs at this point jump out at me as memorable singles. Even the current “Never Again” isn’t wowing me. [The second I heard “Behind These Hazel Eyes” I knew it would one day be all over the radio]. Kelly has a great voice, but she seems to ready to jump into the “Since U Been Gone” formula, with a quieter verse and then a screaming chorus. [a technique Nirvana exploited their whole career, to much success] This puts a visible strain on her voice. My mother was a voice teacher, and I can hear her criticisms about KC’s singing: it’s more pop star singing than respectable singing. Here are the tracks that I think would make a good choice for upcoming singles.

How I Feel


List: best Madonna videos

On the way back from DC, Brandon and I had a three-hour Madonna singalong. So, I was thinking of doing a list of my favorite Madonna songs, which actually may have gotten too complicated. Her videos are also some of the best, and I’m feeling nostalgic, so here are my favorites, in order.

Express Yourself: this should be made into a Broadway musical

Bedtime Story: gives me nightmares

Hung Up: I want that boombox

Music: Ali G!

Like A Prayer: remember all the controversy?

Nothing Really Matters: remember when she had her geisha fetish? More like a geisha zombie fetish.
Deeper and Deeper: I liked her flapper-disco look.

What It Feels Like For a Girl: banned!

Open Your Heart: she’s so understanding of children. When they want to see a peep show, she makes it happen.

Bag Girl: moral is: if you are a hooker, you will be murdered

song of the day

Music and Lyrics was dreaaaaaaadful. I mean, physically painful. The first three minutes was the only enjoyable part. That’s because it was a video for High Grant’s fictional band Pop! which was really dead on for an 80s band. And the song is pretty catchy. You’ll see. [video]

Pop; “Pop Goes My Heart

adventures in FM radio

Well, there are some unfortunate times when I am driving that I have to listen to the radio. To my chagrin, they edited the hell out of Pink’s “U & UR Hand”. They beeped out the word “suck”. I can see if it was used as a verb, but it was used as” you suck”. What? The Pussycat Dolls are all over about looking at my hah hah, and Pink can’t even song an arguably empowering song about not being used as a sex object. Why am I surprised?

In embarassing news, I kind of really like Rihanna’s new single “Umbrella”. It’s good for the gym. Although, she thinks that umbrella has four syllables, which I was not aware of. Is she going to the liberry after this? And then going to eat pasketti?

Rihanna (feat. Jay-Z); “Umbrella”

Wait, I was liking it until I saw the redonculous video.First off, she looks like a real-life Bratz doll. Second of all, dancing and cool outfits are great, but this whole video is basically to show off how skinny she is, and not for the benefit of female empowerment.

I’m getting old.