thank you, VH1 classic…

…for playing old metal videos that remind me of yesteryear when the art of a video consisted of the band playing in a cheesy set and some random model strutting about. Are these for real?

Alice Cooper- “Poison”. Man, I used to think this song was so BADASS. That, to me, was like real heavy metal. The video is not much, except for the last 30 seconds which is so CHOICE.

Ah, the Bret Michaels of a bygone era. Let me burn an image of this in my mind when I watch Rock of Love. How over the top were poison? CC and the boys walking down Hollywood boulevard in tight pants, high heeled boots and full makeup was like my idea of heaven. And Bret popping out of the Murphy bed? Wooo! I have to go fan myself.

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I will be first in line to buy a ticket.

Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey are going to be gay together! The only thing better would be a movie where Ewan does it with Christian Bale while wearing eye makeup. What? That exists? Little known fact about me: I find Jim Carrey oddly attractive. I know! Ew! We are not talking Ace Ventura era, we are talking post-2004, Jenny McCarthy-dating, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Jim Carrey. I’ll bet they are going to change the plot where the two guys are just bffs, not lovers. But a girl can dream.

straight people are so embarassing

This movie makes me want to rip out my ovaries and stomp on them until they are bloody pulp, if this is what being female is all about.

The “plot”:

A young woman (Heigl) who has made a career out of being a bridesmaid but never a bride faces her worst nightmare when her sister (Malin Ã…kerman) becomes engaged to the man of her dreams. Luckily, the wedding brings around the man (Marsden) who will change her bridesmaid status for good, along with the help of her nephew Brett (Ryan Laskey).

How much do you want to bet there will be montages set to Kt Tunstall or some shit like that? Or I’ll bet there will be a zany chase scene and the couple finally meet up on a busy street, stopping traffic, and when they kiss the whole city will cheer. Oh, how about a scene where the main character gets depressed and some girlfriends arrive with some chubby hubby to cheer her up. Maybe an overcontrolling mother? Probably a sterotypically gay wedding planner in there too. I’ll bet the sister will have cold feet the day if her wedding but Katy Heigl will calm her down and convince her to go through with it, even though she loves James and it will be the most selfless.act.anyone’s.ever.committed. Oo, ooo, oo, I’ll bet James will realize he loves Katy Heigl right when he is at the latar before he says “I do” and announces his true love to everyone, devastating the sister, but then they will get married but the SISTER will have to be the bridesmaid. Hardy har! I could go on forever.

But damn you James Marsden! Stop being charming and wasting your hypnotic bone structure in these crappy movies. You are cyclops! Cyclops doesn’t deal with this shit, he fucking kills people with his eye lasers. Get a grip.

pop culture round up

First things first…how awful is the SATC movie trailer? I can’t bring myself to watch. Please let me know how horrid it is. [youtube link]

Um…uh…I need to be alone for a minute.

I’m Learning To Share!: Fashion ads from Ebony Magazine, 1970 – ’76

Black Kids: Artist to Watch 2008 Hate the name, love this band.

The Joker Revealed Early! – Superhero Hype! Looks pretty stupid, imo.

A First Show for Banksy in New York Went overnight from vandalizing subway cars to being a favorite of Brangelina.

It’s news like this that made me wish I never left New York.

Seth Rogen’s Girlfriend: Pissy, Pretty [Snap Judgment] I am so jealous I could scream.

Christian Bale needs to understand that he doesn’t need to take EVERY ROLE HE IS OFFERED.

Whaaaa? Dropkick Murphys on CNN?

Speed Racer movie: stupid or awesomely kitschy?

Anthiny Bourdain + Queens of the Stone Age + food = my ultimate fantasy

Enchanted

Against my better judgement I saw Enchanted. Oh hell, who am I fooling, I intiated the whole outting. I needed something totally mindless and entertaining. Although I swore off Disney movies forever, I figured a Disney movie that makes fun of Disney movies would be good. They really did have a go at themselves, and the beginning animated sequence included every cliche in Disney movies. I am not sure if the kiddies will get the sardonic respresentation, but oh well. However, in true Disney fascism, they are equal opportunity offenders, where they showed stereotypes of “supposed” Middle Eastern cab drivers, angry black women, horny gay men, and practically crucifed the chipmonk. The whole love story thing made me cynical too- how did they really end up together? Does she even use the bathroom? How do they explain their relationship to people? And I don’t think that was part of the irony. Also, I am over Patrick Dempsey at the heartthrob. I was kind of on the bandwagon when he made his comeback, but I’m over it. I think they should totally re-release Loverboy.

But James Marsden, be still my heart, totally played the dumb prince to perfection. Check out the tights! My obsession with him is growing. I also saw Hairspray this weekend and passed a couple of Gap ads with him in it as well. His bone structure can solve world peace.