“I am more interested in what my friends think of me than what I think of myself” is the powerful line delivered by Troy Bolton in the denouement of High School Musical 2, which I finally watched this morning. Is that really supposed to be inspiring?

HSM2, as it’s known to the true fans, could either be a film that lacks self-awareness or is so self-aware it’s all a joke on us. Watching it, I would think it’s a parody of all cheesy musicals. The extreme overacting (I’m looking at you, Corbin Bleu), the hackneyed plot, the horrible musical numbers, etc. I also feel like some of the staging was so bad, why didn’t they reshoot the scene? Sometimes I had to turn away, especially during Zac Efron’s tour-de-force “Bet On It” dance through the golf course.

I don’t like to go on things based on stereotypes, but this was also one of the gayest movies I’ve ever seen. How can Ryan Evans NOT be gay? The fashion sense, the momma’s boy complex, he does musical theater, always hangs out with his sister. Sharpay is practically a drag queen with her makeup, costumes and over the topness. And pretty boy Zac Efron is basically molded from plastic during the movie and is practically the archetype of a twink.

Maybe the creators had this in mind, and wanted to make a campy parody movie. Or maybe they thought they were making a really good musical. Yikes.

And it has to be said, this one pales in comparison to the original, where the songs were catchy and well done, for pop songs. I wasn’t feelin’ any of the songs in this one, except maybe “Gotta Go My Own Way” because it was a bit cheesy and sounded like your archetypal broadway show-stopper.

Equine Slutz

Oh no, first it was porno My Little Ponies, and now there is a new toy coming out that is supposed to be My Little Pony meets Bratz, which is named, no joke, Strutz.

Don’t adjust your eyes. Those horses are indeed wearing hakter tops and fuck-me heels. Why oh why?

I’m relevant

Wow! Someone else is also bothered that Bad Brains are doing promos on MTV. Okay, it’s not just me. None of the kids watching even gets the relevance or the awesomeness…but then again, no one FORCED Band Brains to do it. Yes, maybe they need the paycheck to be able to start making music again, but isn’t being on MTV against absolutely everything they stand for?

Thank god the writer’s strike is over! It looks like Battlestar will have a complete season. Seriously, thank god. I know I make fun of all those other fans of cancelled shows that send the producers all sorts of crap in the mail, but if this season did not get a proper run, you’d see me REALLY lose it. Oh, and the glorious third season (my favorite so far) is on dvd March 18.

My Little Pony is 25! There’s some sort of display going on in NYC. Hint hint for anyone that lives there to go and take pics for me. I read an article recently that claimed that the early ponies looked like ponies, and the more recent ones look like underage porn stars. You be the judge:



I asked for Butterscotch the pony for Christmas and all I got was this disembodied head

Part of on ongoing series where I look at fucked up kids’ toys….

I totally had one of those Barbie stylin’ heads when I was little, you know, the one that is just a head with a purpose of styling their [synthetic, stringy nylon] hair and putting makeup on it. I get it, I do. It made a lot of sense for me, because in reality, all I liked to do was brush my dolls hair. They still makes those things, and it may be just me, but these things are fucking scary these days. Example A:

What the fuck? It’s a head that “talks” and “sings” alongside a mutant monkey child and other animals. If you want nightmares for a week, watch the commercial. It’s bad enought it’s just a head, now it talks to me?

At least these two have each other for company as they spend eternal damnation with no bodies.

This one managed to lift up her hands and get collogen injections before the guillotine dropped.

Oh my god! Even the children are not safe!

Is that war paint?

One of the scariest of them all: This one is clutching a baby dog that looks scared shitless.

Lest we not forget the severed horse’s head.

little known fact: horses scare the bejeezus out of me

Hold on tight little girl, because horses and or/robotic horses will overtake humans one day. I’m not sure which ones, but it will happen.

So the hot new toy this year is Butterscotch, a robotronic horse that responds to touch, petting, grooming, and the feeding of a fake carrot. You can also sit on it and when you “bounce up and down” it will make galloping noises. Er, um. Apparently it is all the rage and costs $300. Another fact about it: it is fucking scary. Look at it! What is with that facial expression. I saw the demo in Target and it creeped me out so much I ran and ducked in the Issac Mizrahi section. Horses are also scary animals. They act all docile but in fact in a rage, once horse can probably kill several humans at once. I know the social brainwashing prescribes that all little girls love horses, but I was all, I’ll stick to my 11 1/2 inch Barbies, thankyouverymuch.

Oh my god, there is another one, called S’mores.

Ick. It’s eyes follow you no matter where you go.

No thanks, I’ll stick to Magic Hair Bratz. Or the Hannah Montana special collection. Or the gayest doll ever.

American Doll X

For those of you that know me, you know that I am closet doll-lover. Heck, it’s not that secret, I have Barbies on display in my living room. The phenomenon of the American Girl Dolls is one that still wows me. They came out right around the time when it was no longer socially acceptable for me to really be playing with dolls. However, what is socially acceptable? If someone wanted to buy me an American Doll for Chanukah, I wouldn’t protest. That’s a hint. Just kidding. No I’m not. Or am I?

The premise is that the gals come from historical eras and it is supposed to teach girls about history. Sounds benign enough, right? Well, I just found out they created a new historical doll. Julie, who is from the 1970s. Does it get any better? She lives in the Haight in San Francisco! Woot? And she has a funky Chinese bff from Chinatown, natch. Why didn’t someone call me when this came out? Don’t you know me at all?

So yea, The funny thing is that the intentions is for girls to learn about crucial times in history, but it gets lost on the impact. For instance, the only black doll is…wait for it…an escaped slave from the civil war era. And her story is that she had a hard life, and now is beginning a new life with “nothing but a silver nickel and a smile” or some shit like that. Each doll comes with a set of accessories (which costs, no joke, hundreds of dollars). Now here’s the bed that goes with Samantha. the rich, spoiled Victorial-era gal.

Addie’s bed:

Damn! What girl would CHOOSE Addie’s bed over the other one?

Kaya’s the Native American doll, and for a mere $70, you can buy her teepee! And her worker dog!

Molly, who is from World War II era, accesorizes with camp gear. Hmmm, how much is the shame for the Japanese internment camps? Kirten is from colonial times. Was Addie her actual slave?

You are probably thinking that I am looking too much into it, that they are only dolls. Yes, I suppose that’s true. But, if you are making an attempt at teaching history, it’s pretty sucky when you paint the era as good and feature the clothing and accessories for the dolls as a big sell. If you are going to teach history, be more realistic.

Oh, but I still wasn’t kidding about getting me one for Chanukah. Just kidding. Or not.